(this is being reposted from my old blog)
It’s now been almost a week since I’ve given up porn to surrender my life to God again. And what a week it’s been. Several people have been supportive. Others… not so much. To put it mildly.
Surprisingly, some of the biggest supporters of this decision have come from within the adult industry itself. At some point in the future I’ll make a blog entry that consists of nothing but reactions from others. I think you’ll find that one quite interesting.
Belinda and I have a lot of talking to do, that’s for sure. She thinks I’ve gone “temporarily insane”. But she loves me and is desperate to know what happens next. For now I’ll say no more about the two of us.
Each day I’ve run the range of emotions from being very happy to feeling very sad. What surprises me, however, is that I have no desire to go backwards.
Right now it’s after 3 am and I can’t sleep. My mind is racing. I had photo shoots scheduled last week and cancelled them all. Cancelling my source of income brings lots of scary thoughts to mind that aren’t conducive to sleeping well.
Of course, my dad was happy to hear that I’ve given up porn and am asking God to be a part of my life again. He had some surprising advice:
“Don’t let anyone talk you into becoming ‘religious’. God doesn’t ask that of you. Stay true to yourself. We need to get together soon and have some long talks.”
This blog will soon change. I’ll archive it in its current form, but the new template will have the porn links removed. On the archived version of the blog the links will remain. That, my friends, is part of “being true to myself”. I don’t want to feel like a hypocrite and I am not going to hide what I’ve done in my past.