Donny's Ramblings

The 19 Year Old Girl

12 Comments

(This post goes hand in hand with The Game. Based on some of the emails I’ve received after that post it became apparent that some people had the wrong idea on where blame should lie. Perhaps that’s just the way people are: blame the other person to help the person speaking with you. That’s probably the case. I write this post to clarify things a bit and let people see that, while The Game led to a lot of pain and destruction, it was orchestrated by yours truly and most of blame lies on me. I’m not sitting her wallowing in guilt this morning, I’m sitting here having just received another email trying to lay blame on a girl who, yes, is responsible for her own actions but is definitely not the cause of MY problems. Maybe this will make that more clear.)

A young girl leaves her home and is out on her own for the first time. She’s been pretty sheltered up until this point, never traveling more than a few hundred miles outside of the area in which she’s lived all of her life.

She’s never been in a plane.

She’s never done any traveling.

She’s never experienced the so-called “finer things in life”.

As a college student, it’s an exciting time in her life. She gets to call her own shots for the first time ever. She gets to go as she pleases and do what she wants.

Can you remember that time in your own life and how exciting it was to finally “be your own boss”?

She meets a pornographer, but he won’t let her model for him because he’s taken an interest in her. He wants to show her the world. When he finds out that she’s never flown before he takes her up in a small private airplane and has her fly it, scaring her a bit but giving her something she’s never experienced.

That’s important to him: giving things she’s never had before. Why? Because he wants her to remember him forever, no matter what the future might bring. In other words, his reasons are rather selfish. Yeah, he wants her to experience life, but more important to him is that she remembers who brought that to her.

He takes her to 5 star hotels and restaurants. He takes her on dive trips. They travel together.

She’s never owned a vehicle so he buys her that first car.

He brings her into his business and she excels because she’s very bright, very talented, and picks up on things very quickly.

She has no moral problems with his business, as religion has never been part of her past. In fact, her biggest exposure to religion is in the form of the man in her life who sometimes rants and raves about how much he hates religion, why he hates Christians. How he feels hurt by so many of them from his past. Being that she knows no better from personal experience, how must his words have impacted her views?

The pornographer’s best friend tells him that the girl will never love him but will be with him for money and the complete change in lifestyle that it brings. The dazzle no doubt has an influence on her, but as the years go by, time changes that best friend’s mind: “It may have started out that you dazzled her at the beginning, mister, but you know I tell you my mind and call it as I see it: she definitely fell in love with you.”

The pornographer has issues inside. Like many men, one of his issues is accepting love. This particular man has no problems giving it, but major issues accepting that he deserves it in return. His ego won’t let him admit that his real issue is insecurity. That insecurity is part of what drives him to want to push new boundaries in his relationship. He doesn’t want to be jealous because he despises jealous men, so he goes the complete opposite direction and isn’t jealous enough.

“Babe, it was just a fantasy. I don’t really want that or need that.”

“I know, but I want to fulfill your fantasies, because I love you.”

“Really, it’s not necessary. I am very happy with what we have.”

He doesn’t let himself believe that, even though she makes it very clear to him. He puts things into motion that consume them both.

He ruins everything they ever had together.

(does that make things make a bit more sense?)

12 thoughts on “The 19 Year Old Girl

  1. Donny, your transparency is so refreshing. But I think it’s important that you realize that you can’t shoulder all of the blame either. Both you and Belinda made choices. Those choices had consequences. It’s not about what she did or what you did; it’s about what both of you chose to do.

  2. This story sounds familiar, do I know this girl?Seriously, I think your story is incredibly accurate. Because of that, it shows that you are owning up to your own mistakes. I think that’s a good thing. Some people will tell you that you shouldn’t be taking this blame and that you are just punishing yourself. It’s ‘the devils’ fault, or it’s ‘Belinda’s’ fault… Nope!I’ve seen this story unfold from the beginning. I believe that it is more your fault then hers. Here’s why…You have a strong personality that demands to be “in charge” of things, you are somewhat on the controlling side. This is why you and your ex-wife would never work out together, she would never let you have that control that you would want. Furthermore, it would be the other way around, if not, then she would give you the boot. Your ex would keep you on a tight leash and you would rebel against that leash by doing things behind her back, again!Today, I opened a fortune cookie that said “You have a huge ego that wants to be fed daily, you need to be ‘in control’ and the center of your universe”I think that was meant to be your cookie. LOL! I’m not putting you down by saying the above because I’m not convinced that those are bad qualities in a person, you would probably do just fine with a passive person as a mate.The games; I believe that ‘the games’ were more for your entertainment then Belinda’s. Most people that read your blog will not understand that one either, but I do. As you know, I’ve thought about playing the game myself, and I have came close to playing them a few times. After seeing the damage done to your relationship, I may never play those games in mine.I’m no Dr. Phil, but that’s just my view from the outside in, OR, from the inside out if you are a blog reader that doesn’t know Donny and Belinda on a personal level.BLA, BLA, BLA…. I owe, I owe…. So OFF TO WORK I GO!See ya!

  3. Donny, your transparency is so refreshing. But I think it’s important that you realize that you can’t shoulder all of the blame either. Both you and Belinda made choices. Those choices had consequences. It’s not about what she did or what you did; it’s about what both of you chose to do.

  4. This story sounds familiar, do I know this girl?

    Seriously, I think your story is incredibly accurate. Because of that, it shows that you are owning up to your own mistakes. I think that’s a good thing.
    Some people will tell you that you shouldn’t be taking this blame and that you are just punishing yourself. It’s ‘the devils’ fault, or it’s ‘Belinda’s’ fault… Nope!

    I’ve seen this story unfold from the beginning. I believe that it is more your fault then hers.
    Here’s why…
    You have a strong personality that demands to be “in charge” of things, you are somewhat on the controlling side. This is why you and your ex-wife would never work out together, she would never let you have that control that you would want. Furthermore, it would be the other way around, if not, then she would give you the boot. Your ex would keep you on a tight leash and you would rebel against that leash by doing things behind her back, again!

    Today, I opened a fortune cookie that said “You have a huge ego that wants to be fed daily, you need to be ‘in control’ and the center of your universe”
    I think that was meant to be your cookie. LOL!

    I’m not putting you down by saying the above because I’m not convinced that those are bad qualities in a person, you would probably do just fine with a passive person as a mate.

    The games;
    I believe that ‘the games’ were more for your entertainment then Belinda’s. Most people that read your blog will not understand that one either, but I do.
    As you know, I’ve thought about playing the game myself, and I have came close to playing them a few times. After seeing the damage done to your relationship, I may never play those games in mine.
    I’m no Dr. Phil, but that’s just my view from the outside in, OR, from the inside out if you are a blog reader that doesn’t know Donny and Belinda on a personal level.

    BLA, BLA, BLA…. I owe, I owe…. So OFF TO WORK I GO!

    See ya!

  5. Ladies and gentlemen, read the comment above this. The one made by my best friend John.He knows both Belinda and I, and the reason he’s my best friend is because he doesn’t kiss my butt and tell me what I want to hear. He calls it as he sees it.

  6. Ladies and gentlemen, read the comment above this. The one made by my best friend John.

    He knows both Belinda and I, and the reason he’s my best friend is because he doesn’t kiss my butt and tell me what I want to hear. He calls it as he sees it.

  7. im not your best friend, but i do think you should take all the responsibility for what you’ve done. john has a place in your life to be that blunt…frankly, he’s earned it. but i’m not going to tell you to stop beating yourself up. or to blame someone else. you’ve already experienced forgiveness. plus, i don’t think you blogged this to get responses as much as to help process what you’re going through. something i completely understand. and you’re a great blogger. i grew as a person from experiencing these last couple of posts.the blame and guilt? you’ll wrestle with that probably until you’re tired of wrestling with it. i’ve wrestled with mine.brad

  8. im not your best friend, but i do think you should take all the responsibility for what you’ve done. john has a place in your life to be that blunt…frankly, he’s earned it. but i’m not going to tell you to stop beating yourself up. or to blame someone else.

    you’ve already experienced forgiveness. plus, i don’t think you blogged this to get responses as much as to help process what you’re going through. something i completely understand. and you’re a great blogger. i grew as a person from experiencing these last couple of posts.

    the blame and guilt? you’ll wrestle with that probably until you’re tired of wrestling with it. i’ve wrestled with mine.

    brad

  9. oh, and donny,

    i visit your blog daily precisely because you don’t water your stuff down.

  10. the fact that you reviewed john’s comment and let it through says a lot about you. Humble yourself before God and people and the sky is the limit for you in every respect. Thank God for second chances.

  11. the fact that you reviewed john’s comment and let it through says a lot about you. Humble yourself before God and people and the sky is the limit for you in every respect. Thank God for second chances.

  12. Pingback: The Departure Of The Bad-Gunky « Donny’s Ramblings

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