The rewire continues. It’s like God has a spiritual electrician re-routing the thought patterns inside my brain. I’m seeing things from such a different perspective than ever before. I receive joy in small things that would have bored me to tears in the past. I’m receiving a different perspective on Christianity, and this time it doesn’t disgust me.
When Kris Vallotton first told me that he felt God wanted me to know that it would be 3 years before I’d be used in any sort of ministry I didn’t want to hear it. My thoughts were, “Hey, I was raised in church all my life. I have scripture memorized. I know the drill. It never meant anything to me before, but it does now. I’m READY!”
Then Bill Giovannetti told me, on a separate occasion, that I need to wait 3 years. I listened a little more because this was the second time I’d heard that number. Still, that seemed like such a LONG TIME.
I finally came to accept the fact that I have a lot of healing to do when I had the meltdown in December. That humbled me. It still affects me two months later. It was at that point I realized I needed a lot of time to heal and get strong. Not months, years.
The problem is, I still had a peace about sharing my story at Porn and Pancakes events and with churches who requested me to speak. Pastors I spoke with seemed to feel it was okay for me to continue doing so, but I didn’t want to do anything God wasn’t okay with. Somehow I needed to hear from Him that it was okay to continue sharing my story, part of which includes writing this blog. I asked God to show me a blatant answer.
I have a Life Application Bible, New International Version, that Wendy gave me on December 8th, 1993 back when we’d been dating a little over a year. I love the Life Application Bible. There are great commentaries at the bottom of every page that give a little background and reference on what’s being said. One morning I woke up at 5am. I felt like I needed to read my Bible. I tried to roll over and go back to sleep but the need to read it persisted, so I got up and opened to Acts chapter 9. The title above the chapter read “Saul’s Conversion” which caught my attention right away, because Bill Giovannetti has told me on many occasions that he thinks of me as a modern day Paul (for those who don’t know, Paul was called Saul before he became a Christian).
I started reading, taking time to read all the footnotes. This one really got my attention:
According to Galatians 1:17, 18, Paul left Damascus and traveled to Arabia, the desert region just southeast of Damascus, where he lived for three years…
Three years. There’s that number again. It turns out Paul waited three years after his conversion before beginning his worldwide ministry. I continued reading. After reading another footnote I start crying…. crying because it was such a blatant answer to the prayer I’d prayed:
Immediately after receiving his sight and spending some time with the believers in Damascus, Saul went to the synagogue to tell the Jews about Jesus Christ. Some Christians counsel new believers to wait until they are thoroughly grounded in their faith before attempting to share the gospel. Saul took time alone to learn about Jesus before beginning his worldwide ministry, but he did not wait to witness. Although we should not rush into a ministry unprepared, we do not need to wait before telling others what has happened to us.
WOW! Can God be any more direct?? I was doubly excited, because not only had 3 years been reinforced once again, but God had also let me know it’s okay to go out and tell the story of what has happened in my life. There’s a big difference between sharing my story and actually doing any sort of ministry. It took a lot of will power to keep from calling Wendy at 5 am to tell her about this.
(the rest of this blog entry has been edited out because it was written with the wrong attitude… perhaps I’ll rewrite it some other day)