Donny's Ramblings

For JR, Steve, and David:

36 Comments

“God wanted 10 days to create the world. Chuck Norris gave him 6.”

This past weekend in Ft Myers, Florida, I had the opportunity to hang out with JR, Steve, and David. Because we are highly mature men, we amused ourselves while driving by telling “momma jokes” and demonstrating our knowledge of Chuck Norris Facts. We laughed until our sides hurt, then discussed how many women “wouldn’t get it”, affirming that statement later by repeating some of said “Facts” to MT of X3, David’s wife, only to receive silence in response.

I can’t explain why, but I am very much amused by “Chuck Norris Facts”. I even came up with one of my own, which I may share with you later in the comment’s area. JR thought it was funny. That must count for something.

Here’s a video of Chuck Norris himself, responding to some of the “facts” being circulated on the internet about him.

  • Chuck Norris’ tears cure cancer. Too bad Chuck Norris has never cried. Ever.
  • Chuck Norris has counted to infinity. Twice.
  • In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.

If you count yourself amongst those of us who are amused by “Chuck Norris Facts” feel free to add your favorite(s) as a comment.

36 thoughts on “For JR, Steve, and David:

  1. Chuck Norris likes Donny’s mom… That says a lot about Donny’s mom…

  2. Chuck Norris likes Donny’s mom… That says a lot about Donny’s mom…

  3. chuck norris can get satisfaction.

  4. chuck norris can get satisfaction.

  5. I don’t get these jokes either & I’m Steve’s wife. David & Steve started talking about them & your fun to which both MT & I were blank after they dropped you & JR @ the airport. I feel like something is going over my head. ;+) I’m glad you guys had so much fun together. It was a blast hanging with you & JR this weekend.

  6. I don’t get these jokes either & I’m Steve’s wife. David & Steve started talking about them & your fun to which both MT & I were blank after they dropped you & JR @ the airport. I feel like something is going over my head. ;+) I’m glad you guys had so much fun together. It was a blast hanging with you & JR this weekend.

  7. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

  8. Chuck Norris can win a game of Connect Four in only three moves.

    Chuck Norris invented black. In fact, he invented the entire spectrum of visible light. Except pink. Tom Cruise invented pink.

  9. Chuck Norris not only EXPECTED the Spanish Inquisition, but forced it to make taquitos for his dinner.

  10. Chuck Norris not only EXPECTED the Spanish Inquisition, but forced it to make taquitos for his dinner.

  11. Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and saying ‘BANG!’

    They started canning Chuck Norris’ urine and started selling it….they call it Red Bull.

    If you were to shave Chuck Norris’ beard you would find another fist.

    Chuck Norris won the 1982 World Series of Poker Tournament holding a Joker, Green uno 1 Card, a get out of Jail free card, 6 of clubs, and Prof. Plum.

    and the list goes on…………..

  12. Chuck Norris once shot down a german fighter plane by pointing his finger at it and saying ‘BANG!’

    They started canning Chuck Norris’ urine and started selling it….they call it Red Bull.

    If you were to shave Chuck Norris’ beard you would find another fist.

    Chuck Norris won the 1982 World Series of Poker Tournament holding a Joker, Green uno 1 Card, a get out of Jail free card, 6 of clubs, and Prof. Plum.

    and the list goes on…………..

  13. All I want to know is what does WENDY think of Chuck Norris humor?

  14. All I want to know is what does WENDY think of Chuck Norris humor?

  15. MT,

    When she read the part where I mentioned women wouldn’t get it, she decided to see if she “got it”. She claims to have laughed and also claims to “get it”.

    Maybe she does…

  16. MT,

    When she read the part where I mentioned women wouldn’t get it, she decided to see if she “got it”. She claims to have laughed and also claims to “get it”.

    Maybe she does…

  17. The only one I thought was funny was the one YOU made up… the one about curing disease though… lame!

    And if Wendy thinks they’re funny and she gets it… well I don’t doubt that one bit…after all…she was God’s chosen perfect helpmate for you, right? God knew you’d need a woman who would laugh at those stupid jokes! That is no reflection of Wendy… I see her as a smart, beautiful, caring, kind, compassionate and godly woman…. 🙂

  18. The only one I thought was funny was the one YOU made up… the one about curing disease though… lame!

    And if Wendy thinks they’re funny and she gets it… well I don’t doubt that one bit…after all…she was God’s chosen perfect helpmate for you, right? God knew you’d need a woman who would laugh at those stupid jokes! That is no reflection of Wendy… I see her as a smart, beautiful, caring, kind, compassionate and godly woman…. 🙂

  19. When Chuck Norris falls into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet – water gets Chuck Norris!

    Most people get tattoos at a shop; Chuck Norris gives himself tattoos with a Bowie knife and a Bic pen.

    Behind Chuck Norris’ beard, there is no chin. There is ony another fist.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you are only seconds away from death.

    The supreme court took a sabatical, after having determined that chuck norris has spread enough justice through the land with his right and left legs.

    Let it be known that a woman finds this freakin hilarious. I even watched Walker, Texas Ranger last night! 😉

  20. When Chuck Norris falls into a body of water, he doesn’t get wet – water gets Chuck Norris!

    Most people get tattoos at a shop; Chuck Norris gives himself tattoos with a Bowie knife and a Bic pen.

    Behind Chuck Norris’ beard, there is no chin. There is ony another fist.

    If you can see Chuck Norris, he can see you. If you can’t see Chuck Norris, you are only seconds away from death.

    The supreme court took a sabatical, after having determined that chuck norris has spread enough justice through the land with his right and left legs.

    Let it be known that a woman finds this freakin hilarious. I even watched Walker, Texas Ranger last night! 😉

  21. Chuck Norris is suing NBC for copyright infringement over the phrase “Law & Order”, as that is his name for his left and right legs.

    Donny, you gotta tell the one you made up. Not a demand, just a request. 🙂

  22. Chuck Norris is suing NBC for copyright infringement over the phrase “Law & Order”, as that is his name for his left and right legs.

    Donny, you gotta tell the one you made up. Not a demand, just a request. 🙂

  23. The dinosaurs weren’t killed by a meteor. It was Chuck Norris practicing his roundhouse kick.

    Chuck Norris is the only person who has managed to crack one of Wolverine’s ribs.

    Even the Invisible Man can’t hide from Chuck Norris.

    I know, I know. I need to get out more………

  24. The dinosaurs weren’t killed by a meteor. It was Chuck Norris practicing his roundhouse kick.

    Chuck Norris is the only person who has managed to crack one of Wolverine’s ribs.

    Even the Invisible Man can’t hide from Chuck Norris.

    I know, I know. I need to get out more………

  25. Time to post the one I made up, I guess. You have to remember we were in Florida, knowing the next morning we’d be flying home. Planes were on our minds, and that made it funny. Plus, ya gotta hear the voice inflections to “get it”.

    (when a joke has to be explained it’s not funny, right? guess that means this isn’t funny)

    Here goes:

    Chuck Norris has reduced our country’s dependence on oil by eliminating the need for jet fuel. Chuck Norris simply throws jets from one airport to the other.

    (or something like that… can’t remember the exact words)

    LAUGH, I say! Laugh!

  26. Time to post the one I made up, I guess. You have to remember we were in Florida, knowing the next morning we’d be flying home. Planes were on our minds, and that made it funny. Plus, ya gotta hear the voice inflections to “get it”.

    (when a joke has to be explained it’s not funny, right? guess that means this isn’t funny)

    Here goes:

    Chuck Norris has reduced our country’s dependence on oil by eliminating the need for jet fuel. Chuck Norris simply throws jets from one airport to the other.

    (or something like that… can’t remember the exact words)

    LAUGH, I say! Laugh!

  27. “In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.”

    I love this one! It can always make me laugh! (guess I ‘get’ it??!)

  28. “In fine print on the last page of the Guinness Book of World Records it notes that all world records are held by Chuck Norris, and those listed in the book are simply the closest anyone else has ever gotten.”

    I love this one! It can always make me laugh! (guess I ‘get’ it??!)

  29. I had just read this post the other day, and my husband came home from a yard sale, and guess what he had bought? A Chuck Norris video!! (Top Dog) My husband didn’t get why I laughed so hard!

  30. I had just read this post the other day, and my husband came home from a yard sale, and guess what he had bought? A Chuck Norris video!! (Top Dog) My husband didn’t get why I laughed so hard!

  31. “Chuck Norris Facts” are an example of post-modernism because they cannot be real but everyone says they are true. The truth is that there is no truth.

  32. “Chuck Norris Facts” are an example of post-modernism because they cannot be real but everyone says they are true. The truth is that there is no truth.

  33. So I am a couple years late in joining the discussion, but I couldn’t resist. Onnie has a Chuck Norris facts t-shirt and these are her two favs:
    -When Chuck Norris does a push-up he’s not pushing his body up, he’s pushing the earth down.
    -On secret missions, instead of dropping bombs the Air Force drops pictures of Chuck Norris and everyone on the ground dies of fear. ” 😉

  34. So I am a couple years late in joining the discussion, but I couldn’t resist. Onnie has a Chuck Norris facts t-shirt and these are her two favs:
    -When Chuck Norris does a push-up he’s not pushing his body up, he’s pushing the earth down.
    -On secret missions, instead of dropping bombs the Air Force drops pictures of Chuck Norris and everyone on the ground dies of fear. ” 😉

  35. @Valerie- Oh my gosh what a blast from the past… or blog from the fog…
    Funny thing… DT and I bought Donny a Chuck Norris joke book for Christmas…

  36. @Valerie- Oh my gosh what a blast from the past… or blog from the fog…
    Funny thing… DT and I bought Donny a Chuck Norris joke book for Christmas…

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