Donny's Ramblings

An Email From a Beautiful Girl, both Inside and Out

16 Comments

Parts of the following email fill me with happiness, yet other parts break my heart, all at the same time. I’ve stayed in contact with this girl over the years since she modeled for “soft core” (meaning: posing solo/alone) images. She’s had ups and downs, but is now in school and has a really cool secretarial job. If you have a heart at all I think you’ll “get it”. I don’t have to write what is said between the lines, and I don’t have to talk about some of the things that have happened in her life. In fact, I’ve removed a few paragraphs because they were very personal. But enough remains that I think you’ll get the picture.

So, I don’t really go to people’s pages… but I clicked on yours and holy shit you went into a debate with Ron Jeremy. It made me happy. I can’t stand that guy. I’ve never seen him, in action, haha, but he’s an old slimy gross porn weirdo. And he gives me the heeby jeebys. Yuk.

I was going to say, also, that it’s not that I regret what I did as far as the shoots etc, some wierdo is getting his rocks off to my picture somewhere and that is a little disturbing, but I learned a lot. I learned that I don’t have to be slutty, to be sexy. I don’t have to be revealing to reveal beauty. I was a kid, at 18 honestly, no one can make decisions like that without someday most likely regretting it. I still don’t feel grown up, I still feel weird signing contracts, like even for a Macy’s card, because I think, will I regret this later. Mostly with contracts, you can cancel cards, etc. but with something that steals images of you in a way that you later regret, it really hits home, and I think about it a lot.

I used to be a lot more concious of my low self esteem, I always made sure I felt good about myself before leaving the house, I usually wore makeup and did my hair and I liked skimpy clothing, but really, now, now that I feel like I am a good person and I am beautiful no matter how crappy I think I look compared to the crap on tv, I just look back and I think about how stupid I was. I always try to learn from my mistakes, and that was one of them.

I thank you though, for being pretty damn cool about it the whole time, you never asked me to do anything that I felt was super weird, you never pressured me. And I still have the discs of the shoots, the few that I did, like two or something, plus that one thing… although I look cute, I don’t look pretty. I look like a HO to be honest. and it’s so far from myself that I feel like it wasn’t even me. What was me, was that night I called you, and you came and got me. Sorry if I am bringing things up that you really don’t wanna think about, but overall I am just glad that you got out of that whole thing. And that we kept in touch because you’re perhaps the only person in my life that understands me in this way, with the whole porn thing. I totally hate porn, now, and I kinda did before. Thats why I wanted only to do solo non video stuff… etc.

You’re a great guy.

I just kinda had a moment and my heart came out a little.

You understand me in a lot of ways no one does, and no one ever will, because you were the sole being that shared that experience with me. I don’t regret it, I learned from it. It was something I could see as becoming a trap, easy money etc, but it’s not easy, because it’s not easy on the mind. It doesnt hurt me anymore, it did for a little bit. But I’m a resilient person, I have been conditioned my whole life to be that way, to overcome major obstacles.

The naked body is kind of sacred, even more sacred to me since I showed it all because it made me realize how much it meant to me. That I should not share it freely, that it should be exclusive. A temple.

I asked if she’d let me use her email on my blog or when speaking to people:

I hope your talk goes extremely well! Ya, use whatever you want of what I say, it’s a compliment to me that it is worth something.

I’ve read through this several times. Sometimes I smile. Sometimes my eyes fill with tears. Do you get it? Really, do you? If you’re consuming porn, just stop. It doesn’t matter if you’re a producer or a consumer, in the Supply and Demand Circle we all play a part.

16 thoughts on “An Email From a Beautiful Girl, both Inside and Out

  1. Awesome. I am at Fridays in c concourse at msp airport come here if you read this which you will before you listen to your voicemail. Craig

  2. Awesome. I am at Fridays in c concourse at msp airport come here if you read this which you will before you listen to your voicemail. Craig

  3. Thanks for printing this..

    this is why I stop in..

    your choice in politics makes me want to slam my head into the wall as to why..

    but this keeps me coming back and in perspective.

    Thanks.

  4. Thanks for printing this..

    this is why I stop in..

    your choice in politics makes me want to slam my head into the wall as to why..

    but this keeps me coming back and in perspective.

    Thanks.

  5. i agree with dave c. not that i totally oppose your politics but i think we can all perceive something when its just and right such as this blog post.

    beautiful man, glad you posted this.

  6. i agree with dave c. not that i totally oppose your politics but i think we can all perceive something when its just and right such as this blog post.

    beautiful man, glad you posted this.

  7. wow that’s just an eye opener…it’s bad enough when your addicted to this, but when you read this it’s like mind blowing.

  8. wow that’s just an eye opener…it’s bad enough when your addicted to this, but when you read this it’s like mind blowing.

  9. BTW, I hope the girl is doing well in life too.

  10. BTW, I hope the girl is doing well in life too.

  11. It’s a great letter, and so awesome that it means so much to you.

    The writer of the email says things that really speak from her heart and from true experience with the industry–I appreciate that. I’ve never had issues with porn (addictions, experiences, etc.), but I still feel it’s important to speak out against it because I don’t think the industry respects women they way we should be respected. I also have a daughter now and I want her to know that her “naked body is…sacred…That [she] should not share it freely, and that it should be exclusive. A temple.” What great words! I love the way that is worded!

    I think your friend who wrote this email should share it with middle school and high school girls nationwide. I don’t know if she’s already speaking to groups, but I would love for my daughter to hear something like this from someone who’s truly in the know. My Abby is only a toddler right now, but I would love for her future middle school or high school to host a speaker for both girls and boys that shares what this email shares.

  12. It’s a great letter, and so awesome that it means so much to you.

    The writer of the email says things that really speak from her heart and from true experience with the industry–I appreciate that. I’ve never had issues with porn (addictions, experiences, etc.), but I still feel it’s important to speak out against it because I don’t think the industry respects women they way we should be respected. I also have a daughter now and I want her to know that her “naked body is…sacred…That [she] should not share it freely, and that it should be exclusive. A temple.” What great words! I love the way that is worded!

    I think your friend who wrote this email should share it with middle school and high school girls nationwide. I don’t know if she’s already speaking to groups, but I would love for my daughter to hear something like this from someone who’s truly in the know. My Abby is only a toddler right now, but I would love for her future middle school or high school to host a speaker for both girls and boys that shares what this email shares.

  13. (Oops…I hit submit before I was ready on that last comment.)

    Just wanted to add…thanks for sharing this post!

  14. (Oops…I hit submit before I was ready on that last comment.)

    Just wanted to add…thanks for sharing this post!

  15. It’s what this girl DOESN’T say that really gets me. Her silence on certain things speaks volumes.

  16. It’s what this girl DOESN’T say that really gets me. Her silence on certain things speaks volumes.

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