Donny's Ramblings

Don't Be Afraid of the Pain

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Donny is rambling again…

Sacramento River Trail

Walking this trail with tears streaming from my eyes used to be a regular event for me. I sometimes miss those days.

Recently written to a great person who is hurting after a long term relationship ended:

Kristin told me you’re hurting right now. I total understand how that feels. It’s kinda like the color has drained out of everything. You see things, they just aren’t as brilliant and full of life as before. And the pain… oh my God.

So… I wanted to share something with you that really helped me when I was in the same boat. Wendy, my son’s mom, noticed how badly I was hurting and her words changed my pain. She told me not to be afraid of the pain. I realized I really WAS afraid of it. It’s like, “This hurts, make it stop!” She told me to let it hurt… to realize that’s just how God wired us. If it didn’t hurt it would mean we weren’t emotionally invested. He made us emotional people, and pain is one way we heal. It’s not scary, it’s beautiful. It means our relationships had meaning. It means we are human.

Let your tears flow, and welcome them. Embrace them. As odd as this might seem right now, I have to tell you I sometimes miss that place. If you’ve been hurt, wear your heart on your sleeve. Don’t let it make you hard, ’cause then you’ve been robbed of a very human, very beautiful thing. Let the colors be faded for now. They’ll brighten, I can tell you, but there is no hurry. And remember how you feel now. Once you realize it’s nothing to be afraid of I think your perspective will change. The pain won’t go away, but it will be more… bearable.

K,  that’s all I’ve got for now. I’ll put in a request with the man upstairs to give you a hug today.

Wendy’s advice is amazing, so I’m sharing it with all of you.


The reason Kristin, mentioned above, wanted me to share that advice with our mutual hurting friend is because it was just days earlier when that same advice helped her as well.  She’d unexpectedly lost her dog, Kiloh, who had been a faithful companion for 14 years.  She was devastated.  I sent her this:

Wendy once told me something that I hope will help. Some people “get it” right away, but most don’t. Most take a few days for it to sink in. Here it is: “Don’t be afraid of the pain”. Pain to us is so scary for some reason. We may not even realize it. But that pain is part of who we are as humans. It is a BEAUTIFUL part of human healing. That pain means Kiloh’s life meant something. Mourning him is honoring him. Embrace the tears. Welcome them. They’re washing your soul. They mean you’re human. They are not a negative thing. They are a celebration of Kiloh’s life. So let them out freely and often.

When Wendy told me not to be afraid of the pain (of the lifestyle change and breakup with Belinda) it changed things for me. I started letting the tears stream even in public and didn’t care what people thought. I actually miss those days now. They are so… emotional. And sometimes great creativity is even birthed from those emotions.

I’m glad your mom is there for you. Keep wetting her shoulders.


California Blends Spices - Love this stuff!

A friend’s young daughter was hurting. A girl she had been close to was being very mean to her at school. The words hurt, and the tears streamed. Wendy’s advice still applies: don’t be afraid of the pain. Fear is at the root of so many of the negative things in our life, but it shouldn’t have such power. Let it go. MAKE it go. My friend’s daughter needed to let her tears flow. Let out those emotions. Embrace them. She’s human, and as such, words can hurt. There’s nothing wrong with reacting to that.

When we attempt to be “tough” and suppress our emotions, one possible result is a hardened heart.  Don’t let the actions of others turn a soft heart hard!  A soft heart appreciates so much… takes joy in small things… keeps the color in life.  If the emotional pain inflicted by others turns one’s heart hard that joy is stolen.  How sad to let other people rob us of joy!  How sad it is when the beauty of life is lessened for us because we’ve become so concerned about outward appearances that we are no longer able to wear our hearts on our sleeve!

When I cook I’m a BIG fan of adding lots of spices.  I love to sauté fish, for example, in butter and minced garlic, a cajun  spice mix, a dash of Deb Deb’s Rub Rub and several drops of one of the mixes made by California Blends.  Our God-given emotions are the spice of life, my friends.  That includes emotional pain.

Why be afraid of it?  Embrace this emotion.  It’s beautiful. It’s human.  It’s how He wired us.

One thought on “Don't Be Afraid of the Pain

  1. These words transformed me when you shared them with me several months ago. Wendy’s advice is SUCH truth! It reminds me of a favorite quote:
    “My heart is afraid that it will have to suffer,” the boy told the alchemist one night as they looked up at the moonless sky.

    “Tell your heart that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. And that no heart has ever suffered when it goes in search of its dreams, because every second of the search is a second’s encounter with God and with eternity.” The Alchemist

    It is so true that the fear of suffering is worse than the suffering itself. When we realize we are actually NOT going to die from the pain, it is bearable, real. It is part of life. And God breaks in during the pain, He is just there with us. Not taking away the pain like a magic feel-good pill, but just being there, holding us.

    Anyway, thank you for this reminder. SUCH truth. I am sharing it with those in my life and can see how it is comforting them also. 🙂

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