Donny's Ramblings

A Mother Asks for Help

26 Comments

I received an email from a mother asking for help for her 14 year old son’s pornography problem.  Because this is a common issue I decided to post it here on my blog.  Here are a few of the lines she wrote:

I have a 14 yr old son who got involved in pornography online and I’m not sure what to do. We’ve spoken to him and pray for him and banned him from using the internet… I’m disturbed because I don’t want him getting hooked for life… Is there anything I should do or say that will be of help? Are there resources for ‘weaning’ a child off pornography? Please help a desperate mother.

This blog article is my response to her.

Dear Desperate Mother,

I’m definitely not a counselor, so please keep that in mind while reading my words.  I’m just a guy who produced porn for awhile, and because people find that interesting I’ve been fortunate enough to have the opportunity to share what God has done in my life.  Nevertheless, I’m not unlike any other sinner that has been saved by grace, and therefore my words don’t have any more authority than those of other Christians in your life.

Most people have a circle of friends with whom they discuss life issues.  In my life, I rely heavily on my Pastor and even more-so on my son’s mother, to whom I was married before my sin tore our family apart.  We remain good friends despite all of that, which is in itself a testament to the amazing woman of God she is…  She’s had to deal with so much, and the way she’s done so has birthed some incredible wisdom. Sometimes we discuss emails I receive where the sender shares how pornography has ripped apart his or her life.  She always tells me to focus on the root of the problem, rather than treating the symptoms. And she is so right.  Realizing this, I’ve spent a lot of time asking God just what the root of the problem actually is, and how best to deal with it.  I’ve come to see that the root of the porn problem is the same as the root of all of life’s moral problems.

So… I’ll simply share with you how I deal with my own problems, and hopefully something that is said will help.

I’ve noticed that when a person begins a romantic relationship with another, many things in their life just… change.  Especially at the beginning when all is new. When love strikes, a man gets all giddy and sees colors more brilliantly than ever before. Because he  wants to present a better package, the woman doesn’t have to ask him to change certain things, he just does so to please her.  He tries to avoid things that displease her.

I’ve noticed the same thing to be true with those who fall in love with God.

I was raised in churches where God was a list of rules.  He was the definition of what I could do and what I could not do.  To make God happy, I had to be holy.  To be holy, I had to DO things I found myself incapable of doing.  I had to be someone I was not capable of being.  There were rules I always failed at following.  Since I couldn’t live up to the rules, I began to grow bitter.  Watching those preaching the rules fail to follow them themselves birthed  more bitterness and even a burning hatred. The Christian life seemed impossible to follow, even for those who were supposed to be “leaders”.  Why bother?

At no time did I ever see God as someone I could fall in love with.  At no time did I see Him as someone with whom I could have a relationship with.

Those last two sentences?  They reveal the root problem with porn and any other issue we deal with.  We either don’t really believe we can have a relationship with God, or we choose not to pursue one.

As a man, I’ve had issues “falling in love” with a male figure.  I’ve had to realize that when God created mankind in His image, that included all feminine aspects as well.  So… I’ve chosen to view the Holy Spirit as a representative of God’s “feminine” side.  After all, Jesus described the Holy Spirit as a “comforter”, and blaspheming the Holy Spirit is unforgivable, right?  Sounds to me like God sticking up for His woman!  (Legalists, please don’t bother emailing me complaints about that – I wrote with a smile on my face and am not seriously making any claims as to gender of any parts of the Godhead).  Embracing the fact that feminine aspects are incorporated within God has helped me fall in love.  Like any relationship, the more time spent together, the deeper love becomes.

The more I immerse myself in God’s love, the more I realize the REASONS He asks us to do certain things.  He doesn’t, for example, ask us to put sex off until marriage because He wants to take away our fun or because He needs an excuse to send us to hell.  He does so because He knows how we’re wired.  He created us, after all.  He knows the bonds we create when we are sexually intimate.  He knows the way sex affects us.  He says to us, “I just wish you’d trust me.  I have something special for you.  Wouldn’t it be better if the wife I have for you never has to wonder if others before her were ‘better’ in your eyes?  Wouldn’t you rather not have to wonder if men in her past are still in her head?  You can do whatever you wish – I’ve given you free will – but I wish you’d choose to trust me.  I do know what’s best for you.”

The same concepts are true when it comes to pornography.  “Sin” is the opposite of God’s perfect plan for our lives, and pornography is definitely not something that will benefit your son’s future relationships.  He’s 14 years old and he might not yet respond to the picture falling in love with God.  But I’m sure he’s encountered thoughts of romance.  I’m sure, if I asked him, he’d say that if he had a woman in his life he’d fight for her.  That’s just what a man does for his woman, right?  So I’d challenge him with this:  “How romantic would it be if, in three years when you meet the woman of your dreams, you can tell her, ‘I’ve been fighting the hardest battle of my life for you, and I didn’t even know you yet.’?”  Every man needs a battle to fight, your son is no exception.

And dear mother:  tell him who he is… ’cause that’s who he’ll become. Tell him what an amazing man of God he is.  Tell him what an amazing husband he is going to make.  Tell him that you’re confident he can fight for his future bride by keeping himself mentally pure.  Tell him… who he is.

I want my son to know that if I’ve presented to him a God that is merely a list of rules,  I’m incredibly wrong.  In a book I love the author wrote, Sometimes you have to watch somebody love something before you can love it yourself. It is as if they are showing you the way. That is so true.  So if  I want my son to fall in love with God I need to show him how to do so.  The more time I spend with God, the less my desires are to pursue sinful activities… because when we humans truly love someone we don’t want to hurt them.  When we love someone, and spend lots of time with them, we learn to trust.

For me, spending time with God just makes me feel better.  The mean person I normally am becomes a nice person.  Life is just easier.  When lust arises, I remember that the object of my lust is God’s daughter, and I need to respect Him, and her, by not thinking those thoughts about her.  He means her to be someone’s wife, and what I’m making of her in my head is not for me to have.  I also know that I can trust His plans for me… this includes my sexual future.  So I go to Him and reveal all of the thoughts I’ve had.  In detail.  Because He already knows anyway, and shedding light on the problem takes the power out of it.

At one place I spoke, a young man shared something powerful with me that I’ve placed into practice in my own life.  He told me that he has counseling sessions with God.  He sits God down in a chair opposite him and tells Him explicit details of thoughts he’s had.  Who the girl was, what he wanted to do with her, how he wanted to do it, etc.  God already knows anyway, but being so blatant with Him creates an intimacy over time.  He is a trusted friend, rather than someone from whom our sins must be hidden (impossible to do anyway, right?).  The more that trust builds, the less we want to share a bad “report” when the next counseling session time arrives.

As his mother, you obviously want what’s best for him but your son is going to make his own decisions. So ultimately, there’s not really much you can DO other than to tell him who he is.  He’s a man of God.  A powerful man of God.  An amazing “catch” for his future bride, for whom you know he will fight to keep pure.

And should he fall to temptation of porn, do you know what to tell him?  How about this:  He’s a man of God.  A powerful man of God.  An amazing “catch” for his future bride, for whom you know he will fight to keep pure.

And should he fall AGAIN to temptation of porn, do you know what to tell him?  How about this:  He’s a man of God.  A powerful man of God.  An amazing “catch” for his future bride, for whom you know he will fight to keep pure.

That’s all I’ve got.  Hope it helps.

26 thoughts on “A Mother Asks for Help

  1. To this woman I offer the following:

    I, too, discovered that my teen-aged son had discovered porn at around the same age. I discovered it about 3 weeks in…3 MINUTES in was enough to hook him. As the wife of a man with a lifelong battle for freedom from porn, I was DEVASTATED. I, literally, grieved for days before I could talk about it with him or anyone else. I dug into the Word and laid on my face before the Lord and asked Him to give me the words to speak that would be His. I asked my husband if he would consider getting totally real and RAW about the toll his addiction had taken on him, on me, and on our marriage. He agreed. When we sat down to talk to my son, my heart was so heavy. I became so angry at the enemy looking at him sitting there heaped with so much shame. I was LIVID that the enemy would try to sabatoge this wonderful young man before he even got out of the gate. I began to speak words over him that completely counteracted the lies that the enemy was pouring out — he is disgusting, worthless, a deviant, no one else is like this, he is evil, alone in his sin, unforgivable. All of those lies that the enemy tries to isolate us with. He began to weep when the Truth came out and dissipated the lies that had been crushing him. We explained that he was DESIGNED to feel all of the desires that he was feeling for women. And that is wasn’t a sin to feel them. Nor was it dirty, or wrong. He was made to enjoy sex with ONE woman one day. My husband went on to give him the low-down on what porn addiction does to a man. I told him what it was like to be married to someone who constantly self-medicated in stressful situations with porn. I told him that women don’t really LOOK like that or have sex like that in real life. I explained that these precious, hurting women are all someone’s daughter, sister, cousin, future wife, CHILD created BY GOD — and he ached for them. I could see it was getting through….

    I asked my brother in law, who my son looks up to very much, and who also struggeld with porn for many years, to have a candid conversation — he was more than happy to oblige. His heart ached that my son had discovered it at all.

    We then explained that accountability would be necessary — for many reasons, not just porn — and what that looks like. I spoke to our youth pastor and begged him to get honest about porn in our youth group since the median age for first looks at porn is 10-12. I was met with much resistance. It broke my heart. No one wanted to talk about a topic that was “embarrassing.” We finally found a youth group that was led by a young man and his wife. He is very candid about his struggle with porn. VERY. honest. I cannot express how important it is to let men in who are willing to pour into your son. Sometimes a parent can say something and it is never heard, but a mentor can say the very same thing and it totally sinks in! Anyway (I know I am rambling, but this is dear to my heart).

    My son is now 17 and is winning his battle. He and another 17 yr old friend hold each other accountable every night before bed. They text each other “pass” or “fail” each night and then know how to pray. It is amazing to me that two teenagers have the ability to hold each other accountable when so many grown men and women will not. Conversation is open. We have taught him how to do battle in his mind with Scripture. Some days are REALLY hard for him and he recently looked pretty down one day — he said, “This is so hard (the fighting thoughts) — some days I am just really TIRED. I just want to know it won’t always be this hard.” Oh, he breaks me. I am so proud of him. I ache for him. I trust that the Lord sees him and is passionately preparing him to be a man who knows freedom. Beyond that, I can only pray. And pray. And pray. It hurts when the innocence is gone. It hurts when your child deal with very grown up crap. It hurts when you see the enemy getting his hooks into YOUR kid. I cling to two things: God is faithful to complete the good work HE has begun in my son (Phil. 1:6), and God uses ALL things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). My son takes great comfort in the fact that Jesus has experienced EVERY kind of temptation while He was here (Hebrews 4:15) — yet was without sin…He TOTALLY understands EVERY temptation. He is a good God and I have hope that this will be used to God’s glory in his future.

    (So sorry about the novella, Donny!!!)—

  2. To this woman I offer the following:

    I, too, discovered that my teen-aged son had discovered porn at around the same age. I discovered it about 3 weeks in…3 MINUTES in was enough to hook him. As the wife of a man with a lifelong battle for freedom from porn, I was DEVASTATED. I, literally, grieved for days before I could talk about it with him or anyone else. I dug into the Word and laid on my face before the Lord and asked Him to give me the words to speak that would be His. I asked my husband if he would consider getting totally real and RAW about the toll his addiction had taken on him, on me, and on our marriage. He agreed. When we sat down to talk to my son, my heart was so heavy. I became so angry at the enemy looking at him sitting there heaped with so much shame. I was LIVID that the enemy would try to sabatoge this wonderful young man before he even got out of the gate. I began to speak words over him that completely counteracted the lies that the enemy was pouring out — he is disgusting, worthless, a deviant, no one else is like this, he is evil, alone in his sin, unforgivable. All of those lies that the enemy tries to isolate us with. He began to weep when the Truth came out and dissipated the lies that had been crushing him. We explained that he was DESIGNED to feel all of the desires that he was feeling for women. And that is wasn’t a sin to feel them. Nor was it dirty, or wrong. He was made to enjoy sex with ONE woman one day. My husband went on to give him the low-down on what porn addiction does to a man. I told him what it was like to be married to someone who constantly self-medicated in stressful situations with porn. I told him that women don’t really LOOK like that or have sex like that in real life. I explained that these precious, hurting women are all someone’s daughter, sister, cousin, future wife, CHILD created BY GOD — and he ached for them. I could see it was getting through….

    I asked my brother in law, who my son looks up to very much, and who also struggeld with porn for many years, to have a candid conversation — he was more than happy to oblige. His heart ached that my son had discovered it at all.

    We then explained that accountability would be necessary — for many reasons, not just porn — and what that looks like. I spoke to our youth pastor and begged him to get honest about porn in our youth group since the median age for first looks at porn is 10-12. I was met with much resistance. It broke my heart. No one wanted to talk about a topic that was “embarrassing.” We finally found a youth group that was led by a young man and his wife. He is very candid about his struggle with porn. VERY. honest. I cannot express how important it is to let men in who are willing to pour into your son. Sometimes a parent can say something and it is never heard, but a mentor can say the very same thing and it totally sinks in! Anyway (I know I am rambling, but this is dear to my heart).

    My son is now 17 and is winning his battle. He and another 17 yr old friend hold each other accountable every night before bed. They text each other “pass” or “fail” each night and then know how to pray. It is amazing to me that two teenagers have the ability to hold each other accountable when so many grown men and women will not. Conversation is open. We have taught him how to do battle in his mind with Scripture. Some days are REALLY hard for him and he recently looked pretty down one day — he said, “This is so hard (the fighting thoughts) — some days I am just really TIRED. I just want to know it won’t always be this hard.” Oh, he breaks me. I am so proud of him. I ache for him. I trust that the Lord sees him and is passionately preparing him to be a man who knows freedom. Beyond that, I can only pray. And pray. And pray. It hurts when the innocence is gone. It hurts when your child deal with very grown up crap. It hurts when you see the enemy getting his hooks into YOUR kid. I cling to two things: God is faithful to complete the good work HE has begun in my son (Phil. 1:6), and God uses ALL things for the good of those who love Him (Romans 8:28). My son takes great comfort in the fact that Jesus has experienced EVERY kind of temptation while He was here (Hebrews 4:15) — yet was without sin…He TOTALLY understands EVERY temptation. He is a good God and I have hope that this will be used to God’s glory in his future.

    (So sorry about the novella, Donny!!!)—

  3. Must say, we also have very stringent “laws” in place about computer usage. We have X3 watch on the computer, among other things, the computer is in a central location, he has no access to the computer when we are not home. I even go so far as to ask parents of his friends if they have access to a computer in their rooms. It is not realistic, in my opinion, to forbid computer usage, because when they leave the house, it is going to be there in the real world. Just my opinion, though…

  4. Must say, we also have very stringent “laws” in place about computer usage. We have X3 watch on the computer, among other things, the computer is in a central location, he has no access to the computer when we are not home. I even go so far as to ask parents of his friends if they have access to a computer in their rooms. It is not realistic, in my opinion, to forbid computer usage, because when they leave the house, it is going to be there in the real world. Just my opinion, though…

  5. The program Amy mentioned, x3 watch, can be downloaded free here:

    http://x3watch.com/

  6. The program Amy mentioned, x3 watch, can be downloaded free here:

    http://x3watch.com/

  7. When I was an early teen, I overheard the pass code for our families pay-per-view….which lead to many, many hours of porn being purchased. Due to my mothers naivety, it went on for while before she finally caught on and confronted me on it. After the initial conversations with each parent, very little was spoken about it from then on. However, just because the caught me didn’t mean my desire to look at pornography went away. I was able to find other ways, and am now in my twenties trying to get free from an addiction that has been a huge part of my life.

    My advice to you is to not let go of the problem. My parents talked to me when I got caught, but never had the conversations with me later on. My mom also didn’t know anything about sexual addiction, or even why anyone would look at pornography in the first place. I would say that you should do your research. Keep open communication with him about sex, porn, etc. It may be uncomfortable for you, but I can tell you that every day teens (and adults) are having sex defined by the media, kids at school, etc, and there needs to be some form of truth that can counter what is being slammed in his face every day.

    So often we tell people not to look at porn, or have sex before they are married, and yet we never tell them why. He needs to know the “why” or he will not have the interest to stop. I would urge you to get firm in your beliefs as to the “why”, and its waaay more than “because its wrong”, or “its what the bible says” (although those are both two great reasons, but you still need to figure out why the bible says it).

    I would also say that it would be great for him to have a male mentor or someone who he can be honest about his struggles with.

    The good news is he is still young, and you have time to work it out. With open communication, and a willingness to deal with the issues, you will save him from years of pain later on if he can overcome this now.

  8. When I was an early teen, I overheard the pass code for our families pay-per-view….which lead to many, many hours of porn being purchased. Due to my mothers naivety, it went on for while before she finally caught on and confronted me on it. After the initial conversations with each parent, very little was spoken about it from then on. However, just because the caught me didn’t mean my desire to look at pornography went away. I was able to find other ways, and am now in my twenties trying to get free from an addiction that has been a huge part of my life.

    My advice to you is to not let go of the problem. My parents talked to me when I got caught, but never had the conversations with me later on. My mom also didn’t know anything about sexual addiction, or even why anyone would look at pornography in the first place. I would say that you should do your research. Keep open communication with him about sex, porn, etc. It may be uncomfortable for you, but I can tell you that every day teens (and adults) are having sex defined by the media, kids at school, etc, and there needs to be some form of truth that can counter what is being slammed in his face every day.

    So often we tell people not to look at porn, or have sex before they are married, and yet we never tell them why. He needs to know the “why” or he will not have the interest to stop. I would urge you to get firm in your beliefs as to the “why”, and its waaay more than “because its wrong”, or “its what the bible says” (although those are both two great reasons, but you still need to figure out why the bible says it).

    I would also say that it would be great for him to have a male mentor or someone who he can be honest about his struggles with.

    The good news is he is still young, and you have time to work it out. With open communication, and a willingness to deal with the issues, you will save him from years of pain later on if he can overcome this now.

  9. wow. wow. wow. all of you – Donny, your son’s mom, Amy. I have daughters, but I am printing this out and reading it with them. These (and many other related) issues destroyed my marriage and well-nigh destroyed me too, but GOD has been so faithful. When you see your kids taking the same path, you want to jump up and down and scream NO NO NO… But I tried that and it’s not very productive (ha!) … These are great, practical and helpful responses. Thanks for posting!

  10. wow. wow. wow. all of you – Donny, your son’s mom, Amy. I have daughters, but I am printing this out and reading it with them. These (and many other related) issues destroyed my marriage and well-nigh destroyed me too, but GOD has been so faithful. When you see your kids taking the same path, you want to jump up and down and scream NO NO NO… But I tried that and it’s not very productive (ha!) … These are great, practical and helpful responses. Thanks for posting!

  11. Thank you for your words Amy. Our ten year old daughter recently saw porn and with much wisdom from a friend I had a very similiar conversation with my daughter. It is very encouraging to me that your son is where he is now, and that you constantly stood up for him and fought for his freedom alongside him. It is SO vital!

  12. Thank you for your words Amy. Our ten year old daughter recently saw porn and with much wisdom from a friend I had a very similiar conversation with my daughter. It is very encouraging to me that your son is where he is now, and that you constantly stood up for him and fought for his freedom alongside him. It is SO vital!

  13. Man, I wish I could copy and paste all the comments from my facebook page here. There are a lot of ’em.

    Here’s the link: http://www.facebook.com/donnypauling?v=feed&story_fbid=284280552298

  14. Man, I wish I could copy and paste all the comments from my facebook page here. There are a lot of ’em.

    Here’s the link: http://www.facebook.com/donnypauling?v=feed&story_fbid=284280552298

  15. God bless you all. This is very helpful and Donny, I’m so thankful you made this public. I can see a clean future ahead for my son and my other kids (btw, I have 5 kids, 3 sons and 2 daughters).

    It’s not an easy or comfortable topic to deal with, but we will deal with it with God’s help. Thank you all so much. I will post our progress too in the hope that it will help somebody else

  16. God bless you all. This is very helpful and Donny, I’m so thankful you made this public. I can see a clean future ahead for my son and my other kids (btw, I have 5 kids, 3 sons and 2 daughters).

    It’s not an easy or comfortable topic to deal with, but we will deal with it with God’s help. Thank you all so much. I will post our progress too in the hope that it will help somebody else

  17. A lot of great wisdom here. Here’s my two cents.

    Kids take cues from their parents. If you act like your kid’s porn experimentation has ruined him for life, you send a message: despair, hopelessness, and “you’re a freak.”

    I guess I’m saying not to overreact. Don’t get me wrong: do react, respond, take immediate action. But don’t send the message that your kid is damaged goods forever. Your son is discovering his sexuality, and you need to channel that energy into productive directions. The old rules apply: computer in the family room, not the bedroom, etc, etc. Banning him from the Internet seems futile to me. He has access on his cell phone, at the library, at his friends’ house, and at school. At his age, it increasingly becomes about life-training rather than about sheltering.

    Give positive messages about sex and bodies and love. If possible, let Dad take the lead; this would be huge! A male needs a godly male to teach him godly sexuality wherever possible. Also, if possible, let both mom and dad communicate a pro-sex message (pro-sex within marriage). Don’t let him confuse anti-porn with anti-sex.

    Subtract the emotional baggage: it only makes things worse. Be understanding, rational, respectful, and compassionate. Dignify him, and he’ll learn to dignify others. Be glad he’s interested in women, and tell him so.

    Teach him about boundaries, and honor his, and help him honor others’.

    Create a compelling vision of lifelong love and marriage. Celebrate monogamy… give him a sense of where his sexuality should take him as a follower of Jesus: into marriage to a woman who loves God and will love him and create a family through which he will serve God and others and uphold their dignity and worth.

    Help him understand porn is not a victimless past-time (Donny’s posts will help with this.)

    Keep him busy, especially in physical activities, like martial arts (discipline, respect, etc), band, sports, and youth group (where the youth pastor actually has a clue).

    Encourage ministry and missions trips (help in youth ministry, music, kids clubs at church).

    Pay him to memorize relevant Scripture: Prov 3:1-12 is a good start. Make it worth it for him. Yep, pay him.

    Encourage a social life, especially group dating.

    Don’t overreact.

    Pray for him, and entrust him to God’s care.

    Hope this helps.

  18. A lot of great wisdom here. Here’s my two cents.

    Kids take cues from their parents. If you act like your kid’s porn experimentation has ruined him for life, you send a message: despair, hopelessness, and “you’re a freak.”

    I guess I’m saying not to overreact. Don’t get me wrong: do react, respond, take immediate action. But don’t send the message that your kid is damaged goods forever. Your son is discovering his sexuality, and you need to channel that energy into productive directions. The old rules apply: computer in the family room, not the bedroom, etc, etc. Banning him from the Internet seems futile to me. He has access on his cell phone, at the library, at his friends’ house, and at school. At his age, it increasingly becomes about life-training rather than about sheltering.

    Give positive messages about sex and bodies and love. If possible, let Dad take the lead; this would be huge! A male needs a godly male to teach him godly sexuality wherever possible. Also, if possible, let both mom and dad communicate a pro-sex message (pro-sex within marriage). Don’t let him confuse anti-porn with anti-sex.

    Subtract the emotional baggage: it only makes things worse. Be understanding, rational, respectful, and compassionate. Dignify him, and he’ll learn to dignify others. Be glad he’s interested in women, and tell him so.

    Teach him about boundaries, and honor his, and help him honor others’.

    Create a compelling vision of lifelong love and marriage. Celebrate monogamy… give him a sense of where his sexuality should take him as a follower of Jesus: into marriage to a woman who loves God and will love him and create a family through which he will serve God and others and uphold their dignity and worth.

    Help him understand porn is not a victimless past-time (Donny’s posts will help with this.)

    Keep him busy, especially in physical activities, like martial arts (discipline, respect, etc), band, sports, and youth group (where the youth pastor actually has a clue).

    Encourage ministry and missions trips (help in youth ministry, music, kids clubs at church).

    Pay him to memorize relevant Scripture: Prov 3:1-12 is a good start. Make it worth it for him. Yep, pay him.

    Encourage a social life, especially group dating.

    Don’t overreact.

    Pray for him, and entrust him to God’s care.

    Hope this helps.

  19. In my teenage years my mom caught me red-handed watching porn but the issue was never spoken through. Neither my mom, or dad, discussed it with me (nor about anything concerning sexuality in general).

    My justification? Lesser evil. I thought porn was better than one night stands (not that I had had any..) and figured I’ll stop once I start dating. I didn’t. It appears you don’t stop just like that. You’re hooked.

    I decided I’ll stop once and for all after I’m married. I didn’t.

    It took me over ten years of battling to reach the point where I find myself strong enough to fight all porn and not to give in (when you think about it, porn’s pretty much everywhere, albeit in a different, more subtle and socially acceptable way).

    From my point of view the will to cut off porn arises from two loves: love for God and love for your future spouse. (And here, I’m not talking about the sentimental aspect of love, I’m speaking of love as a virtue.)

    If only I had been smart enough to concentrate on my future wife (my God relationship was a bit shaky at the time)… but I was young and lacking sight in moral/spiritual aspects.

    Thanks, Donny, for making this public. I’m sure lots of people will benefit from this.

  20. In my teenage years my mom caught me red-handed watching porn but the issue was never spoken through. Neither my mom, or dad, discussed it with me (nor about anything concerning sexuality in general).

    My justification? Lesser evil. I thought porn was better than one night stands (not that I had had any..) and figured I’ll stop once I start dating. I didn’t. It appears you don’t stop just like that. You’re hooked.

    I decided I’ll stop once and for all after I’m married. I didn’t.

    It took me over ten years of battling to reach the point where I find myself strong enough to fight all porn and not to give in (when you think about it, porn’s pretty much everywhere, albeit in a different, more subtle and socially acceptable way).

    From my point of view the will to cut off porn arises from two loves: love for God and love for your future spouse. (And here, I’m not talking about the sentimental aspect of love, I’m speaking of love as a virtue.)

    If only I had been smart enough to concentrate on my future wife (my God relationship was a bit shaky at the time)… but I was young and lacking sight in moral/spiritual aspects.

    Thanks, Donny, for making this public. I’m sure lots of people will benefit from this.

  21. God Bless you Bill. Your ‘two cents’ is worth a million. Thanks again Donny. May our God continue to use you!

  22. God Bless you Bill. Your ‘two cents’ is worth a million. Thanks again Donny. May our God continue to use you!

  23. I’ve recently found on the net a booklet that gives a biblical perspective on pornography and other sexual sins. It’s been very helpful in my own struggles in this area.

    The booklet can be downloaded from http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-the-e-book.php

  24. I’ve recently found on the net a booklet that gives a biblical perspective on pornography and other sexual sins. It’s been very helpful in my own struggles in this area.

    The booklet can be downloaded from http://www.challies.com/archives/christian-living/sexual-detox-the-e-book.php

  25. Putting so much emphasis on it is just going to make it worse, in my opinion. He’s looking at porn because his body is telling his mind that he is ready for certain things but his mind is telling his body that he isn’t. Your son could be banging other 13 year olds…would you prefer that? Porn is just a release, would you feel better about it if he was masturbating to the sears catalog? Don’t make him feel like a freak about it or that he has ruined his life. How many murders has your son watched on tv in the past 13 years? That might be something to think about as well. Watching porn is a sin but watching Mike Myers slaughter person after person is a-ok…I just don’t get that.

  26. Putting so much emphasis on it is just going to make it worse, in my opinion. He’s looking at porn because his body is telling his mind that he is ready for certain things but his mind is telling his body that he isn’t. Your son could be banging other 13 year olds…would you prefer that? Porn is just a release, would you feel better about it if he was masturbating to the sears catalog? Don’t make him feel like a freak about it or that he has ruined his life. How many murders has your son watched on tv in the past 13 years? That might be something to think about as well. Watching porn is a sin but watching Mike Myers slaughter person after person is a-ok…I just don’t get that.

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