Donny's Ramblings

Dear @JohnCMayer – Re: Producing Porn

76 Comments

Dear Mr. Mayer,

Do you mind if I call you John?  I know we’ve never met, it’s just that you seem like the type who’d rather be called “John” than “Mr. Mayer”.  We’re not friends, but I really dig your music.  In fact, I listened to your latest album, Battle Studies, twice on my flight back to California from the East Coast yesterday.  Right now I’m listening to a “John Mayer” mix on iTunes while I write this at my favorite coffee shop.

John Mayer can be found on Twitter: @JohnCMayer

I read part of the interview you did with Playboy.  I’m not gonna say anything at all about the racial stuff – besides, you’ve recanted all that, and I respect you for doing so.  I’ll keep buying every album you release, as I’ve done in the past.  I hope what I write here actually helps you, John – and I think it’s very possible the words that follow can do just that.

I want to discuss the part where you said you’d like to produce pornography.  I know a bit about this:  I was a porn producer for 9 years.  In fact, Playboy was one of my clients.  I produced for their ICS department and also traveled the country for a bit as part of the team recruiting for Special Editions.  One of the girls I’ve photographed even made Miss February in the main magazine, and another of my first timers was featured as well, but I don’t remember which month anymore.  I could go ask, I suppose, as she owns a business less than two miles from where I sit right now.  But that really doesn’t matter.  You said in that same interview that you probably see 300 vaginas a day while looking at porn before satisfying yourself.  That being the case, you’ve undoubtedly run across my work at some point:  I released more than 2 million pornographic photographs and hours of video footage into the world during my career. Since porn’s such a strong interest, you may have seen the debate I participated in at Yale University with Ron Jeremy, Monique Alexander and Craig Gross when it aired on Nightline ABC (click the link and scroll down to where it says “Nightline Face-Off: America Addicted to Porn?“).

That brings me to what I wanted to share with you: What is it like to produce porn? You might notice from my website title that I’m now a Christian.  I have no idea how you feel about that, but just in case you don’t look favorably on such things I’ll try to keep the Jesus stuff out of this.  Let’s just have a conversation about what goes on behind the scenes in porn world.  With or without “Jesus Stuff”, I think I can share a few things with you that you’ve never before considered… and that’s my goal: to educate.  Who knows, you might even read something that will free up your time a bit.  Porn just might not seem so attractive if you finish reading this article.

John, don’t get me wrong… I definitely had some fun times producing porn.  The money was good, the freedom was great, most of the people I knew in the business were fun to party with, and even being the overweight opposite-of-eye-candy that I am, I slept with more than my share of models.  But, honestly, the naked girls part got old very quickly.  Sex related work does weird things to people, John.  I watched college girls come through my doors with bright eyes, then watched that light fade over the coming weeks.  It’s kinda like seeing someone die inside.  I dunno about you, but I didn’t find that very sexy.

I definitely want to share more on how porn affects the girls involved as actresses, but first, let’s remove some of the glamour of producing from a different angle.  I need to caution some of my readers that I’m about to copy and paste something I wrote on this blog back on March 5th, 2005, when I was still producing porn.  I’m not gonna censor the language I used , as I’m tempted to do in order to prevent my current audience from being offended.  This is a letter from me to you, John, so I’m just gonna say what I need to say by copying/pasting what I wrote back then:

When mentioning my profession to other males the response is almost always the same:

“Man, you have the perfect job!”

Or something similar. But the truth of the matter is that it’s a lot more work than you might think. And then there are the shitty assholes. By “shitty assholes” I’m being 100% literal.

On more than one occasion I’ve had a model come over for a shoot. I’ll start photographing her only to discover that her asshole is covered with shit . Seriously!

A specific example comes to mind: I noticed a smell in the room when photographing one particular model. I continued the shoot anyway. When I transferred the photos from my compact flash card (I shoot with digital SLRs: Nikon D1x, Fuji S2 Pro, Nikon D100) and looked at them on the computer I noticed that there was shit all over the model’s ass. I couldn’t fucking believe it! I don’t know why the hell a girl would come over to my house to pose naked and forget to clean her ass.

Which brings me to the subject of toilet paper…

Does anyone ever stop to think that moisture is usually necessary for proper cleaning? I mean, think about it… would you clean up oil with a dry towel? Why would you clean your ass with dry toilet paper? If you really want to be clean, invest in some flushable baby wipes! I have some sitting on the back of the toilet in every bathroom in my house.

That doesn’t sound very glamorous, does it John? But that’s not the part that I really want you to know about.  The biggest deterrent to producing porn is watching what happens in the lives of those who act in it.  I’ve shared my story with more than 4 million people now.  One of the things I’m often asked is whether or not I’m attracted to porn anymore.  I usually respond to that question with a few of my own.  You ready?  Here they are, John:

What’s attractive about a model curled up in the fetal position in a corner between takes, sucking her thumb because her mind is so blown by what she’s just done to herself?   Do the porn companies share, in the credits, a line similar to this one:  “this girl had to have surgery to repair the damage done to her body by the scene you just found so enticing”?   Of course not!  That’s just not sexy, is it John?  Nobody’d be spankin’ their monkey if stuff like that was thrown on screen, would they?

Lots of my former models are dreamin’ with broken hearts now, John. And the wakin’ up?  That’s the hardest part for sure… because every morning when she does wake up, the stuff she shot for me is still there, as it will be for life.  It isn’t ever, ever, ever going away.  When she’s old and grey, when she has grandkids running around the house, that content is still going to be out there circulating somewhere, John.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m ALL FOR free speech.  But just because we HAVE freedom to do something doesn’t mean that we HAVE TO DO IT or that it’s a GOOD IDEA to do so.

Funny thing, John… I just took off my Beats by Dr Dre headphones, through which I was listening to my John Mayer iTunes playlist, only to hear you playing over the radio here at the coffee shop.  We love your music, man.

Here on my website I’ve shared with my readers a few stories about some of the things these girls have gone through.  You can find them by scrolling through the porn stories category.  But be warned, my friend… they just might remove some of the fantasy of pornography and replace it with a little un-sexy reality.  I don’t know about you, but if I was looking at some photos or solo-video of the very attractive girl who wrote this email to me it might be a little bit harder to masturbate to those things knowing that, in her words, she is now “freakin suicidal!!! freakin sick over this….throwing up, cannot sleep at all…” It just doesn’t seem as sexy as it used to be when she tells me that (pasting her words again) “I know I did those pics and yes it was my fault, I want to get them OFF the internet. Is there anyway possible to do that ASAP? I will pay you the money back, whatever it takes. This will and is ruining my life.”

When I received a round of emails and phone calls from a beautiful girl who was begging me, in tears while sobbing so hard I could barely understand her, to get her content off the Internet as it had ruined the relationship she had with her father… that wasn’t a very lust-inducing experience either.  See, what happened in her case was this:  daddy was leaving his office with his buddies.  They were planning to go grab a beer together.  But when daddy and his buddies got to his car it was covered with photos of his daughter in various explicit poses.  Dad was rather humiliated, John.  He was instantly ashamed of his little girl.  When he shared this incident with her, she was rather ashamed herself.  I shot the photos that ended up on daddy’s car, and when I did so it didn’t cross my mind that she wasn’t someone to visualize while chokin’ the chicken – that she was actually somebody’s baby girl, somebody’s future wife, somebody’s sister… a beautiful person who was born to be loved, not lusted over by millions of men.

In the past three and a half years I’ve attempted to apologize to former models/actresses I recruited into the business.  When I tried to befriend one on myspace I received this email as her response:

“Hello Donny,

I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend.  People found out about the pictures I did and I came really close to killing myself over it.  I need to forget about it and move on.  That does not mean I blame you or anything, but that does mean I have to cut ties involving it, and that does involve you.  You’re more than welcome to write me, etc… I just can’t have you on my friends list.  I’m very sorry and hope you understand.”

Let me tell you, John… I’d fantasized for months about that girl following the photo shoots I had with her way back in my early porn producing days.  She really got me going.  But hearing that she, too, almost killed herself over PICTURES?  Knowing that, a person would have to be rather emotionless to be able to still look at those photos and be aroused by them.

Are you picking up what I’m laying down, John?  Producing porn pretty much killed my sex drive DEAD, John.  Between me and you, I’m kind of afraid that when I’m finally married again I’ll be so screwed up in the head over what I’ve witnessed that my sex life with my wife will suffer.  I’ve spoken to counselors about that, actually.  I’ve seen how fake porn is, my friend, and after shooting it for so long I can’t seem to help associating anything sexual with it.  That shouldn’t be the case, John:  God created sex to be beautiful and fun, and He had reasons for asking us to confine it to committed relationships – I swear to you, He didn’t ask that of us in order to take our fun away or so He’d have a reason to send us to hell if we didn’t follow His plan.  It was more like this:  “I know how you’re wired.  Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t have other people in your head when you’re making love to your wife?  Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t have to worry about who was in your her head when she’s with you?  You can do whatever you want, but I wish you’d trust me.  I really do want the best for you.”

The reality of what porn has done to real-life people isn’t pretty.  No amount of justification removes what I’ve seen.  It doesn’t matter how often people say things like, “they were adults making their own adult decisions” and “well, if our puritanical society didn’t make such a big deal out of sex this sort of thing wouldn’t happen!”  Those words are so shallow and meaningless after seeing so many lives personally affected.  There is a letter in the Bible where Paul writes to the people of Corinth that sexual things affected us on a deeper level than anything else.  John, I believe Paul on that one.  I have personal experience that gives evidence he’s right.  From my model Karma, who has a baby who will never know his father (because men decided to rape here while she was passed out at a party – after all, she’s a “porn star” so why not take what they want, right?) to the girl who called me in humiliated tears after going to her college campus one day only to find photos of herself stapled on trees all across campus, I have seen the fallout from sexual “sin”.  It makes me ashamed to be a man sometimes, John.  Indeed, the female body is a wonderland, my friend, and so many of us use our hands… and lose our heads and hearts… over it.

Trust me, John… you don’t want to produce porn.  You don’t want to be responsible for devastating lives.  And no matter how good your intentions might be, that’s exactly what you’d be doing.

DOWNLOAD THIS MP3: Donny Pauling speaking at Pocono Community Church in Pocono, Pennsylvania – Pastor David Crosby introduces me at the 12 minute mark.

76 thoughts on “Dear @JohnCMayer – Re: Producing Porn

  1. Awesome, awesome post Donny!

  2. Awesome, awesome post Donny!

  3. Great letter! I am speechless…I pray thar Mayer gets this!

  4. Great letter! I am speechless…I pray thar Mayer gets this!

  5. Donny,

    Seriously, thank you so much for writing this! I’m a Christian guy who’s lately been having a hard time with pornography again suddenly. I pray John reads this letter and I also pray that all the words you have written come back to me each time I’m tempted to view porn.

    Chris

  6. Donny,

    Seriously, thank you so much for writing this! I’m a Christian guy who’s lately been having a hard time with pornography again suddenly. I pray John reads this letter and I also pray that all the words you have written come back to me each time I’m tempted to view porn.

    Chris

  7. Yikes, I can’t believe John Mayer said that (in Playboy). Thanks for the open letter. I’m glad you’re on the other side and now advocating for the girls whose lives have been destroyed.

  8. Yikes, I can’t believe John Mayer said that (in Playboy). Thanks for the open letter. I’m glad you’re on the other side and now advocating for the girls whose lives have been destroyed.

  9. Mayer was talking to a mens magazine just saying whatever came to mind.He was just talking out of his ass trying to be entertaining.Anyway mayers publicist said he got an offer from vivid and Mayer had absolutely no interest.

  10. Mayer was talking to a mens magazine just saying whatever came to mind.He was just talking out of his ass trying to be entertaining.Anyway mayers publicist said he got an offer from vivid and Mayer had absolutely no interest.

  11. Right on, Donny!

    Each of us is designed for honor. No one has a right to exploit us, use us, abuse us. Porn turns precious humans into worthless playthings. You don’t want her, you want it. Yeah, the model is complicit — she made her choice (he/his). But vulnerable people make desperate choices, don’t they.

    The problem is that we develop habits of the heart that are super-heard to break. Like revving up a top, it wants to keep spinning. You can’t link your sexuality to porn AND to a healthy relationship at the same time. Once you’ve created the sex/porn link, it’s tough to break. Thanks for this gracious, wise, honest post… if John reads it, you’ve done him a world of good. (PS, I have a Pandora station based on his music). Good job.

    Bill

  12. Right on, Donny!

    Each of us is designed for honor. No one has a right to exploit us, use us, abuse us. Porn turns precious humans into worthless playthings. You don’t want her, you want it. Yeah, the model is complicit — she made her choice (he/his). But vulnerable people make desperate choices, don’t they.

    The problem is that we develop habits of the heart that are super-heard to break. Like revving up a top, it wants to keep spinning. You can’t link your sexuality to porn AND to a healthy relationship at the same time. Once you’ve created the sex/porn link, it’s tough to break. Thanks for this gracious, wise, honest post… if John reads it, you’ve done him a world of good. (PS, I have a Pandora station based on his music). Good job.

    Bill

  13. Well said. Seriously.

  14. Well said. Seriously.

  15. Thank you SO much for this. I wish everyone could read this.

  16. Thank you SO much for this. I wish everyone could read this.

  17. Though I didn’t make porn, I worked the sex industry for five years … That was beautiful, brilliant, and dead-on … Thank you 🙂

  18. Though I didn’t make porn, I worked the sex industry for five years … That was beautiful, brilliant, and dead-on … Thank you 🙂

  19. When was the last time I told you that I loved you, brother? I am proud of you too.

  20. When was the last time I told you that I loved you, brother? I am proud of you too.

  21. Geez, Donny. You say you care about these girls whom you’ve met over the years, whos lives you feel you directly effected in a negative way yet you continue to exploit them for your own gain. How much do you get paid to deliver these stories in your speeches? Its a good thing you did porn previously, or else you’d have nothing to talk about. If you care about these girls, stop exploiting them in your blog. Oh, and news flash…people are directly responsible for their own actions.

  22. Geez, Donny. You say you care about these girls whom you’ve met over the years, whos lives you feel you directly effected in a negative way yet you continue to exploit them for your own gain. How much do you get paid to deliver these stories in your speeches? Its a good thing you did porn previously, or else you’d have nothing to talk about. If you care about these girls, stop exploiting them in your blog. Oh, and news flash…people are directly responsible for their own actions.

  23. Pingback: The Promising Pleasures of Porn @ News from the Marches

  24. Thank you for your courage to expose the evil underbelly of the porn industry. For all of those guys who claim “it isn’t hurting anybody”, your post exposes the fact that it is.

    Traylor

  25. Thank you for your courage to expose the evil underbelly of the porn industry. For all of those guys who claim “it isn’t hurting anybody”, your post exposes the fact that it is.

    Traylor

  26. Pingback: The poster child for self gratification « Tamara McCarthy

  27. @Jason

    Wow Jason. That’s your response? Time for a logs and specks moment, brother. What happened to “encourage one another daily…” And can’t you see the greater good in this post? I didn’t feel it was exploiting anyone. No pictures or personal names were used. Just honest experience.

    I say keep encouraging the Church, Donny. Thanks for your candid post.

  28. @Jason

    Wow Jason. That’s your response? Time for a logs and specks moment, brother. What happened to “encourage one another daily…” And can’t you see the greater good in this post? I didn’t feel it was exploiting anyone. No pictures or personal names were used. Just honest experience.

    I say keep encouraging the Church, Donny. Thanks for your candid post.

  29. Hey man good post, if your planning on sending this to him though I would suggest taking out the song references that you have sprinkled in. It comes off as a little hokey to me, and he may have a hard time getting past that.

  30. Hey man good post, if your planning on sending this to him though I would suggest taking out the song references that you have sprinkled in. It comes off as a little hokey to me, and he may have a hard time getting past that.

  31. Thanks so much for writing this post. Even if John Mayer never reads it, someone else who needs to, definitely will.

  32. Thanks so much for writing this post. Even if John Mayer never reads it, someone else who needs to, definitely will.

  33. Pingback: An Open Letter To @JohnCMayer About Producing Porn « JasonCurlee.com

  34. right on brother,I was in porn for a couple of years and have been out now for 3 and it still affects my daily life,yes I did make the poor decision and follow others for many reasons and dealt with the abuse of porn cause you get sucked up in the greed,but when shelley L. came to me and reminded me god never left anf forgives my nights crying in bed became fewer cause I left. Humans naturally have addictions but its how you cope with them and seek out greater things to overcome them.

  35. right on brother,I was in porn for a couple of years and have been out now for 3 and it still affects my daily life,yes I did make the poor decision and follow others for many reasons and dealt with the abuse of porn cause you get sucked up in the greed,but when shelley L. came to me and reminded me god never left anf forgives my nights crying in bed became fewer cause I left. Humans naturally have addictions but its how you cope with them and seek out greater things to overcome them.

  36. Donny,

    Thanks for sharing your former experiences, personal struggles and knowledge of what really goes on in the industry with us all. I am also a huge John Mayer fan and have to admit that of all the concerts I’ve ever seen in my lifetime – John is in the top 3 out of hundreds.

    I think it’s great that you didn’t attack, you informed and shared real life, as well as an admiration for his music. The world is tired of hearing Christians yell and scream, while not looking at their own hidden issues and I just wanted to say thanks for TRUTH my friend.

  37. Donny,

    Thanks for sharing your former experiences, personal struggles and knowledge of what really goes on in the industry with us all. I am also a huge John Mayer fan and have to admit that of all the concerts I’ve ever seen in my lifetime – John is in the top 3 out of hundreds.

    I think it’s great that you didn’t attack, you informed and shared real life, as well as an admiration for his music. The world is tired of hearing Christians yell and scream, while not looking at their own hidden issues and I just wanted to say thanks for TRUTH my friend.

  38. Donny,

    All I can say is thank you. This very caustic and rough writing that you are doing is important and it is making a difference. As you know I am a pastor. What you are writing would do more to help men get off porn than just about anything that I can imagine trying to do or say.

    Persevere … be strong, be wise. Keep yourself in the love of God.

  39. Donny,

    All I can say is thank you. This very caustic and rough writing that you are doing is important and it is making a difference. As you know I am a pastor. What you are writing would do more to help men get off porn than just about anything that I can imagine trying to do or say.

    Persevere … be strong, be wise. Keep yourself in the love of God.

  40. Thanks for sharing your story at Pocono Community Church last weekend Donny. Your message of redemption and restoration was inspiring. Keep fighting the good fight of faith.

  41. Thanks for sharing your story at Pocono Community Church last weekend Donny. Your message of redemption and restoration was inspiring. Keep fighting the good fight of faith.

  42. Thank you Donny for coming to PCC last week. I got to help cook for the Porn & Pancake breakfast we had for the men. How would had thought over 160 men come out just after 39 inches of snow. God knew. You floored me with what you said. On Sunday I went to all 3 services also as you shared your life and the pains it brought. I have shared with so many of my friends what I learned. (At least 30.) God bless you Donny and keep up the good fight buddy!

  43. Thank you Donny for coming to PCC last week. I got to help cook for the Porn & Pancake breakfast we had for the men. How would had thought over 160 men come out just after 39 inches of snow. God knew. You floored me with what you said. On Sunday I went to all 3 services also as you shared your life and the pains it brought. I have shared with so many of my friends what I learned. (At least 30.) God bless you Donny and keep up the good fight buddy!

  44. Donny – I recently did a podcast about my 19 year addiction to porn and how through the grace of God I have been able to stay away for 5+ years now. What you say throughout this blog post is necessary for all those who are looking at porn need to know. You are a strong man for what you are doing. Keep it up.

  45. Donny – I recently did a podcast about my 19 year addiction to porn and how through the grace of God I have been able to stay away for 5+ years now. What you say throughout this blog post is necessary for all those who are looking at porn need to know. You are a strong man for what you are doing. Keep it up.

  46. Donny, I just saw you at my church. I was happy you have changed your life around and that you are now working to help others whom are struggling as well. It is a great work that you are doing. I decided to follow up and read your blog, it was the letter that caught my interest. I just want to say I know porn is a strong subject and you are trying to get a point across. however I feel as if some of the explicit graphic and profane language would be better glorify God if it was not present. the cursing and some of the graphics send a mixed message, it is as if you are desensitized to the nature of the events and in away it is still exploiting the people who were involved. I respect what you are doing and maybe I am wrong. However I do have a past and it does involve the adult industry, I did not do porn however I did dance in bars and shoot videos and calenders. Although the reprocussions of my choices are not as severe I was also molested repeatedly growing up, I imagine that the scars are similar. As a women I dont want to here the graphic nature of the offense over and over again, i realize men are very graphic, yet in order to glorify God there needs to be more of an emphasis on integrity in the healing process .

  47. Donny, I just saw you at my church. I was happy you have changed your life around and that you are now working to help others whom are struggling as well. It is a great work that you are doing. I decided to follow up and read your blog, it was the letter that caught my interest. I just want to say I know porn is a strong subject and you are trying to get a point across. however I feel as if some of the explicit graphic and profane language would be better glorify God if it was not present. the cursing and some of the graphics send a mixed message, it is as if you are desensitized to the nature of the events and in away it is still exploiting the people who were involved. I respect what you are doing and maybe I am wrong. However I do have a past and it does involve the adult industry, I did not do porn however I did dance in bars and shoot videos and calenders. Although the reprocussions of my choices are not as severe I was also molested repeatedly growing up, I imagine that the scars are similar. As a women I dont want to here the graphic nature of the offense over and over again, i realize men are very graphic, yet in order to glorify God there needs to be more of an emphasis on integrity in the healing process .

  48. @brandy

    Your words are well taken.

    I put up the disclaimer before copy/pasting the words I wrote (which were written while I was still producing porn) because I knew they would bother some people. The point you raise is one I’ve gone back and forth with quite often. I’ll share with you my thoughts in being so graphic. I’m not saying I’m right, by the way.

    Before I asked God to take control of my life, I had no respect for Christians. They were always so pious, so hypocritical, and so weak. So… “not real”. I couldn’t identify with them at all.

    I’ve noticed that men in particular respond better to “real”. The part in block-quotes above, in which I dropped the f-bomb, was written at a time when I was in the same mindset John Mayer showed in his interview. He was dropping them left and right in that interview. I was in the same mindset back in 2005 when I wrote that part, and I included it as more of an “I get where you’re at” thing than anything else.

    XXXChurch reposted this letter on their site and took that part out. I’m okay with that. And if I was writing this to the general Christian populace I’d have taken it out too.

    As for the graphic descriptions of what happens to people… since you were in the business, and have gone through the things you’ve experienced, you don’t need to be “woken up” to this stuff. I get it when you say “I don’t want to hear the graphic nature of the offense”. I totally do. You and I have seen it in person. But there are so many out there who create an unrealistic fantasy in their mind of what this stuff is… and I want to shatter that perception into a million pieces. I want to replace fantasy with reality, and us hard-headed men sometimes need to hear things extremely bluntly before we “get it”. Personally, I didn’t get it until I encountered it myself. I’ve had men all over the country tell me that the things I’ve shared with them are what finally woke them up.

    I’m not saying I’m right, Brandy. My son’s mother echoes your sentiments.

  49. @brandy

    Your words are well taken.

    I put up the disclaimer before copy/pasting the words I wrote (which were written while I was still producing porn) because I knew they would bother some people. The point you raise is one I’ve gone back and forth with quite often. I’ll share with you my thoughts in being so graphic. I’m not saying I’m right, by the way.

    Before I asked God to take control of my life, I had no respect for Christians. They were always so pious, so hypocritical, and so weak. So… “not real”. I couldn’t identify with them at all.

    I’ve noticed that men in particular respond better to “real”. The part in block-quotes above, in which I dropped the f-bomb, was written at a time when I was in the same mindset John Mayer showed in his interview. He was dropping them left and right in that interview. I was in the same mindset back in 2005 when I wrote that part, and I included it as more of an “I get where you’re at” thing than anything else.

    XXXChurch reposted this letter on their site and took that part out. I’m okay with that. And if I was writing this to the general Christian populace I’d have taken it out too.

    As for the graphic descriptions of what happens to people… since you were in the business, and have gone through the things you’ve experienced, you don’t need to be “woken up” to this stuff. I get it when you say “I don’t want to hear the graphic nature of the offense”. I totally do. You and I have seen it in person. But there are so many out there who create an unrealistic fantasy in their mind of what this stuff is… and I want to shatter that perception into a million pieces. I want to replace fantasy with reality, and us hard-headed men sometimes need to hear things extremely bluntly before we “get it”. Personally, I didn’t get it until I encountered it myself. I’ve had men all over the country tell me that the things I’ve shared with them are what finally woke them up.

    I’m not saying I’m right, Brandy. My son’s mother echoes your sentiments.

  50. Incredible blog!!!! Tony DiLorenzo (OneExtraordinaryMarriage.com) referred me to it today – I’ll be reading non-stop tonight. Thank you Thank you Thank you for the message. I have too many friends (men and women) that need to hear what you have to say. Keep saying it!

  51. Incredible blog!!!! Tony DiLorenzo (OneExtraordinaryMarriage.com) referred me to it today – I’ll be reading non-stop tonight. Thank you Thank you Thank you for the message. I have too many friends (men and women) that need to hear what you have to say. Keep saying it!

  52. Thanks for posting this Donny. The real truth needs to be spread and spread like wildfire. Your right when you say, “Don’t get me wrong… I’m ALL FOR free speech. But just because we HAVE freedom to do something doesn’t mean that we HAVE TO DO IT or that it’s a GOOD IDEA to do so.” There is too much going on in this country and it always seems that the evil can hide behind freedom of speech. Thanks again for opening up someone’s eyes with this.

  53. Thanks for posting this Donny. The real truth needs to be spread and spread like wildfire. Your right when you say, “Don’t get me wrong… I’m ALL FOR free speech. But just because we HAVE freedom to do something doesn’t mean that we HAVE TO DO IT or that it’s a GOOD IDEA to do so.” There is too much going on in this country and it always seems that the evil can hide behind freedom of speech. Thanks again for opening up someone’s eyes with this.

  54. Bullshit.

    If some stupid girl consents to getting double penetrated by twenty midgets on camera, that’s her decision as a human being, and she should have thought about the fact that her friends and family are likely to see the evidence.

    If participating in porn ruins some peoples’ lives it’s their own damn fault, and I’m not sympathetic in the slightest. And just because it messes up some peoples’ heads (or, just because some people are messed up before they go into porn) doesn’t mean every participant in porn is messed in the head.

  55. Bullshit.

    If some stupid girl consents to getting double penetrated by twenty midgets on camera, that’s her decision as a human being, and she should have thought about the fact that her friends and family are likely to see the evidence.

    If participating in porn ruins some peoples’ lives it’s their own damn fault, and I’m not sympathetic in the slightest. And just because it messes up some peoples’ heads (or, just because some people are messed up before they go into porn) doesn’t mean every participant in porn is messed in the head.

  56. So it is not OK to one type of fantasy, but it is OK to fantasize about a man in the sky? Whatever happened to each their own? Why do you feel the need to twist it to where there everyone that does porn is somehow damaged and that there is nothing sexy about it? You talk of one shoot that went bad but don’t mention all of the others that went well. You talk of the girl that sold herself for a buck, spent that buck and then regretted doing it. Why not mention the girls that have positive experiences in the adult industry? Is it because that won’t sell what you’re trying to sell here? It’s impossible to take a holier than thou approach to things when you’ve played with the devil. You sold fantasy in 2005 and you’re still selling it today. I would say that the only thing that has changed in your attitude, the sexually repressed religious people are a big percentage of porn buyers. A recent study that scrutinized all of the sales of a large porn company found that Utah had more more porn customers than any other state. Utah is probably the most religious state in the union.

  57. So it is not OK to one type of fantasy, but it is OK to fantasize about a man in the sky? Whatever happened to each their own? Why do you feel the need to twist it to where there everyone that does porn is somehow damaged and that there is nothing sexy about it? You talk of one shoot that went bad but don’t mention all of the others that went well. You talk of the girl that sold herself for a buck, spent that buck and then regretted doing it. Why not mention the girls that have positive experiences in the adult industry? Is it because that won’t sell what you’re trying to sell here? It’s impossible to take a holier than thou approach to things when you’ve played with the devil. You sold fantasy in 2005 and you’re still selling it today. I would say that the only thing that has changed in your attitude, the sexually repressed religious people are a big percentage of porn buyers. A recent study that scrutinized all of the sales of a large porn company found that Utah had more more porn customers than any other state. Utah is probably the most religious state in the union.

  58. Adam — it depends on what you perceive as a positive experience. Sometimes things go on on the outside and we ignore what’s going on inside. Donny isn’t playing holier-than-thou … he’s telling it like it is. He’s telling it like it is … beyond the surface. Sometimes we focus so much on external experiences that we forget what’s going on with our souls … but I guess that depends on if you believe in a soul or not.

    You are appreciated, Donny. It’s obvious that you are hated by the devil (that fantasy red-horned thing, ya know?). But that only proves all the more how amazing you are!
    .-= Ashley Weis´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday: Growth =-.

  59. Adam — it depends on what you perceive as a positive experience. Sometimes things go on on the outside and we ignore what’s going on inside. Donny isn’t playing holier-than-thou … he’s telling it like it is. He’s telling it like it is … beyond the surface. Sometimes we focus so much on external experiences that we forget what’s going on with our souls … but I guess that depends on if you believe in a soul or not.

    You are appreciated, Donny. It’s obvious that you are hated by the devil (that fantasy red-horned thing, ya know?). But that only proves all the more how amazing you are!
    .-= Ashley Weis´s last blog ..Thankful Thursday: Growth =-.

  60. Donny, thanks so much for this post. I love John’s music so much and I think a big reason I relate to so many of his songs is because it comes from the perspective of a fellow addict. Even if John doesnt see this, Im sure this post is being used in incredible ways to open up eyes and set people free. Thanks for being a servant.

  61. Donny, thanks so much for this post. I love John’s music so much and I think a big reason I relate to so many of his songs is because it comes from the perspective of a fellow addict. Even if John doesnt see this, Im sure this post is being used in incredible ways to open up eyes and set people free. Thanks for being a servant.

  62. wow. im an agnostic-atheist, so im glad you didnt hit the from the ‘jesus angle’, but this is one of the most amazing, gut wrenching, open and honest accounts ive ever read. thanks to you. honestly, i dont think john mayer, or the like, will give a rat’s a** about this when he reads it, but one day he might…. when its his daughter. or when he becomes the big porn producer he wants to be and he sees sobbing suicidal women with shitty assholes and mascara smudges on their faces from tears and come….. just maybe….. oneday…

    whats also sad, is i bet that that father who saw those pictures of his daughter would have enjoyed the photos if they weren’t HIS daughter…. hypocrisy.

    that letter was deeply amazing

  63. wow. im an agnostic-atheist, so im glad you didnt hit the from the ‘jesus angle’, but this is one of the most amazing, gut wrenching, open and honest accounts ive ever read. thanks to you. honestly, i dont think john mayer, or the like, will give a rat’s a** about this when he reads it, but one day he might…. when its his daughter. or when he becomes the big porn producer he wants to be and he sees sobbing suicidal women with shitty assholes and mascara smudges on their faces from tears and come….. just maybe….. oneday…

    whats also sad, is i bet that that father who saw those pictures of his daughter would have enjoyed the photos if they weren’t HIS daughter…. hypocrisy.

    that letter was deeply amazing

  64. @Donny Pauling
    Donny,
    I really appreciate your response. Thank you

  65. @Donny Pauling
    Donny,
    I really appreciate your response. Thank you

  66. I just came from somethingawful.com. Someone posted a banner ad there that led here, to this.
    I’ve been around the internet since its inception, seen all the shock, the horror. I’m 26 years old, never lifted a weapon in anger in my life, live in peaceful suburbia. My faith is minimal, though I do thank the Lord for saving my girlfriend’s life. I’ve saved two lives that I know of. But I digress.

    The Internet has always been a rough place. I’ve seen people performing horrifying acts from the privacy of their own rooms. I know what a man sounds like as he is beheaded, and I’ve heard people beg for mercy and help as they were roasted alive in the Station fire in Rhode Island. These things have scarred me, toughened me, made me able to deal with mundane horrors far more easily.

    This is rough, though. Rough in a truly touching way. It always becomes so easy to forget that, at the end of a day, these people are just that- people. They have lives, family, friends- and it will all end if word gets out of what they’ve been doing. Is the problem with their choice to do it? Or s it with those who perpetuate the culture, the contempt, the hate for those who flaunt their sexuality? They put themselves in the situation, sure. If the offer wasn’t there, they couldn’t have accepted it. But I don’t blame them, Donny, nor should you. I don’t blame you, nor should anybody else. The fault is with all of us. We treat them differently, and ruin their lives because of decisions they have made, call them hussy, slut, whore. We have all made decisions we aren’t proud of, no one of us is perfect. We, not as a religion, not as a culture, not as a race, but as a SPECIES, need to step back and say, “The culture of the sex industry is wrong.” Both in the way it is perpetuated as a business, and the way it is treated by mainstream society.

    After all, is not the nature of God forgiveness?

  67. I just came from somethingawful.com. Someone posted a banner ad there that led here, to this.
    I’ve been around the internet since its inception, seen all the shock, the horror. I’m 26 years old, never lifted a weapon in anger in my life, live in peaceful suburbia. My faith is minimal, though I do thank the Lord for saving my girlfriend’s life. I’ve saved two lives that I know of. But I digress.

    The Internet has always been a rough place. I’ve seen people performing horrifying acts from the privacy of their own rooms. I know what a man sounds like as he is beheaded, and I’ve heard people beg for mercy and help as they were roasted alive in the Station fire in Rhode Island. These things have scarred me, toughened me, made me able to deal with mundane horrors far more easily.

    This is rough, though. Rough in a truly touching way. It always becomes so easy to forget that, at the end of a day, these people are just that- people. They have lives, family, friends- and it will all end if word gets out of what they’ve been doing. Is the problem with their choice to do it? Or s it with those who perpetuate the culture, the contempt, the hate for those who flaunt their sexuality? They put themselves in the situation, sure. If the offer wasn’t there, they couldn’t have accepted it. But I don’t blame them, Donny, nor should you. I don’t blame you, nor should anybody else. The fault is with all of us. We treat them differently, and ruin their lives because of decisions they have made, call them hussy, slut, whore. We have all made decisions we aren’t proud of, no one of us is perfect. We, not as a religion, not as a culture, not as a race, but as a SPECIES, need to step back and say, “The culture of the sex industry is wrong.” Both in the way it is perpetuated as a business, and the way it is treated by mainstream society.

    After all, is not the nature of God forgiveness?

  68. I'm here from somethingawful.com. Clicked the ad on impulse. This was shocking and eye-opening. I wasn't big on porn anyway, for my own reasons, but some of the things you described were incredibly tragic and appalling. Cosigning that I hope John Mayer sees it.

  69. How about erotica in which there is little in the way of clothes being taken off, or not taken off at all, and no sexual acts being performed? Since these women don't seem to be professionals, why can't they be told the potential ramifications of what it can do to their reputation, and that they should have good hygiene such as cleaning their asses? Also, it might be good to tell them to practice insertion with different objects first so they can handle some of the crazy acts without getting injured in various cavities, or practice flexibility and so on. I think the issues that a porn production crew face don't have to come about if they educate the amateurs. Otherwise, indeed, if I were a producer and I didn't take any of these measures, of course I would expect the women to get angry with me after suffering from consequences they go through, and I would probably be disgusted with myself for not teaching or reminding about sexual hygiene. Are producers just thinking about the end product and not the people themselves and the working relationship?

  70. If I may, this is precisely why I get my jollies off to amateur stuff, where you know it's just a couple having fun and being exhibitionist, and hentai, where it's drawn and there really is nobody getting hurt.

  71. This was so touching post Donny. Thanks. I'm 17years old girl and porn addicted. I'm trying to get away from that and I'm praying that God will help me with this… I really appreciate that you writed this letter to John. It helped me also. So thanks man.

  72. Thanks for your comment, SDQ.

  73. What are you getting from XXXchurch to be their mascot? I know your a smart enough guy to know which sides is dark/light in the Jedi order.

  74. AMAZING!! Your experiences can teach many. Please stick with it, Mr. Pauling!!

  75. Thank you for trying.  If you turn even one person around it’ll be worth it.  As the former wife of a porn addict, I still feel dirty, knowing he preferred THAT over the pure love I had for him.

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