Donny's Ramblings

She’s Not Mine


When I speak, I have a goal to open up everything I’ve got, pouring my heart out and giving away all emotional energy to the audience. At the end of the time I talk I’m almost always exhausted, but happy. My style isn’t to “preach” at people, but rather share the mistakes I’ve made and what I’ve learned from them. Each listener is free to eat the meat and spit out the bones: take what applies to them, toss what does not. I’m convinced this is what God wants me to do.

Prior to taking the stage, I have the same very simple prayer I pray: “Your words, God. Your words.” I want to share the things He wants me to share, and nothing more. I’ll never doubt the passage in scripture where we’re told He can use ALL things for good… because I see the truth in that passage every single time He gives me the opportunity to share what He’s done in my life. Not long ago, I produced a product that tore lives apart in numerous ways. Now, He uses those experiences to start processes that put marriages back together, free people from perversion, even bring people to the place where they surrender their lives to Him for the first time. It’s sometimes so overwhelming that I literally sit in my hotel room and cry joyfully afterwards. I look in the mirror and can’t understand why the face I see is one He’s chosen to use to do this. It’s very humbling.

I’m very blunt in what I say, and try to be “real”. This often results in people sharing things with me that they’ve likely never told anyone… or at most very few others. For example, in one church a man walked up afterwards and asked to talk a bit. He needed to know how to forgive himself. The conversation started with something like, “After hearing what you said this morning, I’ll bet you’ve heard everything.” I nodded my head affirmatively to encourage him to say what he needed to say. He proceeded to tell me things he’d done to animals. Inside I thought, “Well NOW I’ve heard everything… I guess I hadn’t before!” As I listened to his story, I learned he was deep in counseling and had come clean with his wife, who’d forgiven him. The major issue he faced was forgiving himself. To be honest, I didn’t much feel like talking to him. My stomach felt a little queasy, I was shocked and a little angry at the things he’d said. But I also had to remind myself that plenty of people feel the same way towards me when I share some of the things I’ve done. I kept praying silently in my mind while he spoke, asking God for words to give to this man. When the words come from HIM, I can tell by watching the face of the person I share them with – faces light up… that’s the best way I know how to describe it.

I reaffirmed a few things he’d told me: “You’ve asked God for forgiveness? You’ve been forgiven by your wife? You’ve been in counseling, and are continuing with that?” The first question is really the only one that mattered, yet each of them was answered with a ‘yes’, and I felt God wanted me to tell him this:

“God has given you an amazing present, gift wrapped with a beautiful bow on top of it. Inside the package is something called ‘grace’. If you can’t let go of this guilt it’s like you’re pushing God’s gift back at Him and telling Him you don’t like it… that it’s not good enough for you. Just accept his present, my friend.” The huge smile on his face let me know this is indeed what God wanted him to hear. The thing is, I also needed to hear those words, as I sometimes have problems forgiving myself, too.

Funny how God works like that.

One morning after speaking, a good looking teenage boy came up to talk to me. He was very real with me when he told me about his struggles with sex: “I don’t have a girlfriend, but lots of girls like me so I sleep around a lot. It’s fun, but I know it’s not God’s ideal for me. How do I stop?” As always, I mentally asked God what to share with him as he spoke. I could tell this kid was a bit on the aggressive side, and fist fights were probably something with which he was familiar.

I asked, “If you did have a girlfriend, I bet you’d be willing to fight for her, wouldn’t you?” His chest inflated, masculine posturing at its finest.

“Of course!” he grinned.

“Well, in fist fights wounds heal quickly. Black eyes go away. In a few days it’s not a big deal anymore, and nothing to brag about. But what if you could fight a REAL fight… one that IS worth bragging about? Let’s say it’s two years from now when God brings into your life the woman of your dreams. Right now, with all the sleeping around you’re doing, you don’t really have anything special to offer her, sexually. But what if you could walk up to her and tell her, ‘The last two years I’ve been fighting the hardest battle of my life for you, for the thought of you, and I didn’t know you yet’? Isn’t THAT a fight worth winning? Keeping yourself sexually pure for her is the way you fight.”

A smile spread across his face. I challenged him to fight a battle that would actually test his worth as a man… to see as God’s daughters the girls who were so easily ready to give him what wasn’t his to take, and to fight for them, too, even when they weren’t willing to fight for themselves. When a girl threw herself at him, he could truly be a Knight in Shining Armor if he turned the opportunity aside, reminding himself that she isn’t his… that God has someone special for him (and for her) if he’d just wait patiently. They say every man needs a battle, and his would be fought not just for himself, but for all the girls willing to sell out so cheaply for a bit of his attention. He got it.

I try to remind myself of similar things when I walk around. I try to make a habit of bouncing my eyes up to the face of a beautiful woman, and often repeat “not mine” in my head or even verbally. She’s not mine. God has her set aside. She’s not mine. She’s His little girl, and she needs me to fight for her by keeping my eyes where they should be. Her Daddy God is always watching, and I really don’t want Him catching me visually molesting her. Any animal is capable of giving in to lust. Be a man, Donny. Be a real man.

I remind myself of these things often, and each successful battle fought brings more strength for winning the war.

This post was inspired by the women and men who have honored me by sharing their struggles and/or the hurts they’ve been through. You help keep me accountable, a constant reminder that I have a purpose and calling to help the sexually broken in some small way. When your spouse chooses perversion over you, know God is there to help. He is a God of restoration. He’ll mend your broken heart if you’ll open it to Him. If you’re a person struggling with purity, know He’s there to help, and has a reason for asking us to remain pure. It’s likely not a positive thing for the relationship He has for us if our mind, or the mind of our significant other, is filled with past experiences. He’s not trying to take away our fun – it’s just that He loves us and simply knows how we’re wired and how we function best.

15 thoughts on “She’s Not Mine

  1. Thanks, Donny. Very powerful!! I love you!

    I’m sharing this with my son.

  2. Beautifully and well put! I must share on my facebook account for all to see! The Lord has gifted you to communicate with this generation (actually, all generations need to hear this) … thanks for being faithful to his calling!


  3. You’re a monster, a liar, a con-artist and a phony. I wish there were a god to reckon with you as you deserve. You sold your site for six figures, proceeded to keep that money and then went on national television pretending you had been miraculously transformed by Jesus. Zaccheus, the tax-collector of the town paid back four times what he had taken from the villagers – you have inflated your ego and – though you have claimed porn ruins lives – have become a part of the very society that makes sure these women will always be disenfranchised. Though some of them are certainly not, they’re successes could be stolen in an instant because of what you have built.

    And, you turn your back on them, doubling the injury by claiming what they did was wrong.

    I hope you’re right about there being a hell – because you should burn in it.

  4. You sound like a severe lunatic or a fraud. You may blame your loss of your family on your production of pornography – on your disobedience to god. But, really, it’s generally human nature to be angry when one’s partner is sexually liberal with other women – so I don’t blame you ex-wife at all. You still talk about women as if they were objects and possessions of men. You have simply replaced your possession of them with “daddy God’s” possession of them. Men lust – it’s no crime – and it’s no sin. What is deplorable about your behavior is that – though you claim pornography ruins lives – you have joined with the gang of reactionary individuals who make it possible for pornography to ruin lives. The ancient greeks plastered and adorned their culture with sexually provocative imagery. They had pictures of men and women having sex inside government buildings! The athletes of the Olympics were ordered to perform their athletics in the nude.

    Any animal is capable of lust, and any animal is capable of shame. I remember my neighbor used to beat his dog with a newspaper whenever it did something he didn’t like. The dog would cower knowing his punishment awaited him even before my neighbor picked up the newspaper. Tell yourself that – any animal can feel guilt, shame and embarrassment.

    The true guilt you should feel is that, instead of supporting your former model’s right to do so, and to be free of legal stigma for doing so – you have stigmatized them by joining with those who make a living cultivating stigma in the minds of the upper class.

    You – sir – are a stupid, cowering, dog.

    • Conviction,

      From our email conversations I realize that you wish to see porn as harmless so that you can continue to justify your indulgence. But you and I both know many of these girls, and we know what they went through, don’t we? It’s not the attitudes of society that ruin their lives, it’s the fact that sexual sin affects us all like no other, and it doesn’t matter how loud we scream that “it’s just sex”. In truth, it’s NOT ‘just sex’, my friend. It is sacred and meant to bond two people together. Pornography bastardizes the plan God had in mind when He created sex.

      The girls involved in porn were not created to be viewed by the masses. They may not be willing to fight for themselves, but as men we are capable of fighting for them – and one way to fight for them is to keep our eyes off the screen. We don’t hold the place to see them that way. Fight for these people, even when they’re not willing to fight for themselves.

      • But Zacchaeus stood up and said to the Lord, “Look, Lord! Here and now I give half of my possessions to the poor, and if I have cheated anybody out of anything, I will pay back four times the amount.”

        You took the money from your site and ran with it. God created nothing, has never existed, and never will exist.

        Sorry, sir, “sexual sin” as you call it does not exist in any empirical sense – it is only the attitudes of masses which led to lynching African Americans in History, burning Witches in Salem. Ideologies specifically promoted by rhetoricians such as yourself.

        When the military throws out a woman because she has posed nude, that is not her sin that did it, it is the society that decided to cast her out. When Butte College throws women out of the police academy for having posed nude, that is not God’s plan, it is cruelty and abuse of authority.

        I see you have recently convened with Ted Haggard, I guess he can’t stay away from human traffickers. From Manley to you.

        You said it is sexual sin that ruins their lives. Let us see what the Bible says about that:

        “2 At dawn he appeared again in the temple courts, where all the people gathered around him, and he sat down to teach them. 3 The teachers of the law and the Pharisees brought in a woman caught in adultery. They made her stand before the group 4 and said to Jesus, “Teacher, this woman was caught in the act of adultery. 5 In the Law Moses commanded us to stone such women. Now what do you say?” 6 They were using this question as a trap, in order to have a basis for accusing him.

        But Jesus bent down and started to write on the ground with his finger. 7 When they kept on questioning him, he straightened up and said to them, “Let any one of you who is without sin be the first to throw a stone at her.” 8 Again he stooped down and wrote on the ground.

        9 At this, those who heard began to go away one at a time, the older ones first, until only Jesus was left, with the woman still standing there. 10 Jesus straightened up and asked her, “Woman, where are they? Has no one condemned you?”

        11 “No one, sir,” she said.

        “Then neither do I condemn you,” Jesus declared. “Go now and leave your life of sin.” ” -John 8:2-11

        Now, what in that story condemned the woman? Was it her sin? Or was it the angry mob?

        Who in Iran condemns women to death for adultery? Is it “sexual sin” or is it those who will not cease their cursing of them? I neither justify nor condemn indulgence, however, as you are a former Khabbalist, I’ve little doubt you’re familiar with Delilah…

    • Read Ephesians and then ponder it concerning lust. Thats just one place to look. The Bible is clear on the subject of lust.

    • You, sir, obviously need to back off.

    • Conviction, why won’t you yield to God? He loves you so much! He sent his only Son so that you may have life and life in abundance. He has done the redeeming work and has purchase you with His blood. Now its up to you to put your faith in Him – that he is kind and mercyful and will save you if you call out to Him. You are important to Him.

  5. wow dude. I just read that comment. First off I am guessing that guy is in no way a Christian. When we take on the identity as a Son of God we are filled with the same Spirit as Jesus. I have never felt the Lord ask me to speak to anyone that way. The name “conviction” seems funny to me. The Bible says that conviction is of God, but that is not conviction that is Condemnation and that my friend is not of my Father. Furthermore, the Bible takes the Word plus the Holy Spirit to equal the truth. Throwing the story of ol’ Zach out there is empty. You can take a scripture and twist it any way you want. Like how Jesus said turn the other cheek, then like a book later he makes a whip and bust into a temple like Rambo destroying everything. You can make whatever you want out of it but ultimatly the Spirit dictates the situation that is His job. If God doesnt call you to pay back X amounts dont stress about it. God doesnt call us to give a certain amount according to the new convenant. He just says to do it out of love. Next, lust is a sin! Its one of the 7 deadly sins. Agian not understand the word and throwing it around. However, Romans 7:4 said that we are no longer under the law. Sin is not in our nature(you still can sin, but its not in your nature) you are forgiven, and there really is no need to sit a worry about sin when there is so much to do. We have a happy God, and yeah Daddy is exactly what I call him to so back up off that. The Greeks also did not hold themselves to the same standard as we do. They were pagans, and the only diffrence between that and porn is how we decide what is okay and what isnt. The reason we live in a broken world is because we live in a broken culture. The culture of the Kingdom of Heaven cares about how you are affected. Those images could be “art” to you or “porn” to you. Over all purity is the goal. Why test the limits. Let the Greeks do there thing. They will anyways, we havent even seen towns and cities transformed the way God wants them to be, there is no reason to carry that burden unless its laid on your heart. Also I was there to hear you speak once in Joplin and I did not feel the objectification of girls was something that was portrayed in our conversation. By doing what you do you are liberating these girls. Single handly probally keeping some girls out of porn, and like a former drug addict would be you shine as a ray of hope that says you can get out and you can do something more. Paul, next to Jesus is my favorite person in the Bible and he slaughtered Christian and became the greatest apostle of all time. Dont let people hold you down. We have all made mistakes, but we also overcome by the POWER of our testimony. His love rewrites history. I am sad someone wasted ten minutes of there empty life to even post that.

    • I suggest you do some research on various mind-control projects like Operation Midnight-Climax, Spiritual Mapping, and Spiritual Warfare. Maybe Donny isn’t specifically behind the employment of his models as agents, but, someone pulls their strings around here, like an antithetical “Flirty Fishing.” You see, unlike you, I have a good deal of experience with the human trafficking engaged in by the local churches, having been victim of a local Assemblies of God pedophile ring – which – surprise – is also friends with Ted Haggard.

      Interesting point of fact, two days after I broke up with my first girlfriend from the Assemblies of God over a disagreement about the existence of a deity, a very attractive Puerto Rican woman came up to me out of the blue and asked me out. I told her that I felt it inappropriate were I to start dating a few days after having dumped a woman I loved dearly because I could not conceptualize raising theistic children. Four years later I would find out this woman was from Donny’s site. In fact, out of maybe 10 women who have made uninvited passes at me in this town, 90% of them are from Donny’s site. That seems to be a truly unique statistical aberration or an intentional manipulation. I’m relatively certain it’s the latter.

      If, you, sir, were not raised by pentecostal human traffickers, I suggest that you truly have no clue what you are talking about.

      “The Culture of the Kingdom of Heaven?” I suggest you look up Robert Lifton’s “Loading the Language” in his book “Thought Reform and the Psychology of Totalism: a Study of Brainwashing in China.” Where in the Bible is it ever mentioned that Heaven has any “culture?”

      Paul was a sexist, misogynistic, murdering, slave-trade endorsing pig.

  6. One final note:

    How dare you criticize people who don’t have six figures in ill-gotten gains to find any woman you can? Some people aren’t wealthy, some are disabled, some are socially inept, some live in constant pain of solitude. What makes you so conceited as to criticize them for having sexual desires that they cannot fulfill through women. There are many men, disabled vets, heartbroken, mentally ill, inherently ugly, desperately impoverished and so on who haven’t a snowball’s chance in hell of being married or loved. How could you spend your life, formerly exploiting them, in addition to the woman, now exploiting their solitude?

    Take a lesson from a real theologian for once in your life:

    “Of all tyrannies, a tyranny sincerely exercised for the good of its victims may be the most oppressive. It would be better to live under robber barons than under omnipotent moral busybodies. The robber baron’s cruelty may sometimes sleep, his cupidity may at some point be satiated; but those who torment us for our own good will torment us without end for they do so with the approval of their own conscience. They may be more likely to go to Heaven yet at the same time likelier to make a Hell of earth. This very kindness stings with intolerable insult. To be “cured” against one’s will and cured of states which we may not regard as disease is to be put on a level of those who have not yet reached the age of reason or those who never will; to be classed with infants, imbeciles, and domestic animals.” – Clive Staples Lewis

  7. Really good stuff Donny. Thank you for shining the light of grace into the dark places in our souls. 

  8. Wow! This was just what I needed to hear today! I just got out of a devastating marriage of 17 years. I stayed in it because that it what God called me to do. He was refining me and teaching me the process of dying to self and living for Christ. And even though I came through the fire more Christ like than before, and would never trade the afflictions, I still carried the lie that I learned as a child.

    I was molested by my brother and brother in law. My father abandoned us for another woman when I was 13. I was raped at 17. I was raised in a “Christian home” but the message be talked was not being “walked.” I gave myself away to a man who wasn’t “mine” and regretted it knowing that wasn’t God’s plan for me. I remained pure until I married at 21. Then spent 17 years with a man who was unfaithful in every way. He’s now serving a 75 year sentence in prison for 3 felonies against a minor.

    I finally opened myself up to dating again and went out with a man on our worship team. He knew God’s Word, could quote scripture all day, sang praises to God every Sunday … What a dream right? By the fourth date I was so tired of pulling his hands off me I broke up with him.

    Is this really all there is I thought? Is every man only after one thing? Am I not capable of having a man love me like Jesus does? I carried this with me to the next date … He had all the right words, did all the right things, had a dark past but never missed the opportunity to share his testimony how God saved him from the gutter 6 years ago and made him a new creation! I wasn’t ready for marriage so quickly but he gave me an ultimatum and told me not to be double minded. He told me he KNEW he was the one God appointed to father my son, to love me, and to serve in ministry together. I failed to believer that God was enough… My ex went to prison, my child support and alimony stopped, I ha just gotten laid off due to the economy and my fiancé told me I couldn’t survive on my own, it’s now or never. I let God down and took the plunge. Three months later my husband has kicked my sin and I out and has threatened annulment or divorce. No biblical grounds, just that he’s unhappy and he’s NOT going to spend the rest of his life miserable. Since then he’s assassinated my character with lies that not even my ex could imagine.

    So where am I now? I moved back to my home town, God provided a great place for us to live, a job that I couldn’t have even imagined, we’re back in fellowship with our home church, Awanas, and I’m surrounded by believers who have wrapped their arms around me and are praying for my husband.

    I share this in hopes that someone will learn from my mistake. God IS enough. I AM a daughter of the King and deserve to be treated as so, He IS meeting ALL of my needs above and beyond what I could imagine!

    No matter what your circumstances, trust GOD and God alone. Love like he loves you, expect to be treated with respect, and keep HIS ways! Don’t let anyone tell you anything different. The Word of Gid is alive, real, true and able to keep you on the narrow path!

    Pray for my husband and I. I’m headed out today for a meeting with our Pastor tomorrow. I’m under the authority of the church and we’ll go through Matthew 18 tomorrow. Pray that God will do a work and bring conviction. We are not called to live happy lives, we’re called to give up our lives to save them! Pray I continue to seek God’s will and not my own!


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