I am always willing to speak openly and candidly to anyone who wishes to do so. I own my issues, and have taken steps to make sure I never repeat past mistakes. At present, I regularly see both an MFT and a Psychiatrist. This is something I’ve done for many years now. Counseling is something I sought out, not something that anyone asked of me. I wanted to better know myself and to work towards becoming a really good human.
For a handful of years I felt like I was a somebody. Now? I’m very much aware of the change in status and perception of me following the legal case in which I was involved. I’m a nobody, and that’s probably how it should be.
There is a lot that could be written, but I’ve refrained from diving very deep into the matter. I’d really like to write about the situation, but I’m not sure anyone wants to hear from me anymore. I don’t wish to justify anything, but I do wish I could separate reality from sensationalism. It was disappointing to learn from experience that the media often chooses to write things that will draw attention, even if they have to publish things that aren’t true in order to do so. And they often simply refuse to retract what has been stated unless legal action is taken to force them into it.
I did not intend to hurt anyone. That is the truth. What was published online is very, very different from what actually happened. In recent years it has been popular to use the term “fake news.” I get the sentiment and can say from experience that there is so much validity in the use of that term. Sensationalism seems to come before all else these days.
What follows is what my “about page” used to say:
Yes, I was a porn producer for 9 years, contracting with Playboy and a group of other well known companies. Yes, I have become a Christian. And yes, I now speak publicly about what goes on behind the scenes here on this blog as well as at numerous Churches and Universities (including Yale University – WOOT!) across this great country of ours. But the reason I speak about what goes on “behind the scenes” of porn is NOT because I have become a Christian. I do so because someone needs to do so. Porn is often portrayed as great fun, happy go lucky, and victimless. The fantasy shown on screen seems fantastic. The realities of porn, however, are not even close. I am a firm believer in freedom of speech and expression, and it is my personal belief that education, not legislation, is what changes hearts. Therefore it is my goal to educate so that those who hear can make a more informed decision. If you’d like to begin the education process, start with some of the stories I tell in the porn stories category on this blog (click here).
My story would not be complete without mentioning XXXChurch.com. They are a group of non-judgmental Christians who love everybody and believe that there is nothing any of us could ever do to make God love us any less. They are a group who do off-the-wall things… like attending porn conventions to share love: doing makeup for the girls at the show and telling them they’re beautiful and loved. They don’t hold picket signs. They don’t condemn. They just love. When I was still producing porn I gave them hatred for 4 years… and in return received love. If you’re in the industry and looking for help, check them out. If you’re sick of looking at porn but for some reason cannot seem to stop, they can also help. Check them out. They listen to a call that really helped change MY life, and the lives of countless others.
MORE ABOUT ME
I’m extremely proud to be a good father to a wonderful son. He lights up my life. Until having a child, I wonder if it’s even possible to fully comprehend what it means to love another person. I thank God (and my son’s mother) for the opportunity to experience such love.
Although I was raised as the son of a Pastor while growing up, I began making my living producing pornography in the summer of 1997. I continued in the adult industry until Monday, September 25th, 2006. On that day I was driving in my car praying to God. If you’d like to know more of that story, browse through this website, or watch one of the videos I’ve posted.
Watch Craig Gross and I debate Porn Stars Ron Jeremy and Monique Alexander at Yale University on ABC’s Nightline Face Off – Click Here.