Donny's Ramblings


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How Porn Affects Us: A List of Peer Reviewed Studies, as well as Magazine Articles

I’ll be sure to add more articles and research as I come across it, most likely in the comments area of this article.

 

First:

Peer reviewed studies in summary form so you can easily get the point, but with references to the study so you can look it up yourself (the summary is listed first, then the reference to the study).  If you so choose to look it up, simply go somewhere like Google Scholar and copy/paste the reference into the search bar:

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As a result of viewing pornography women reported lowered body image, partner critical of their body, increased pressure to perform acts seen in pornographic films, and less actual sex, while men reported being more critical of their partners’ body and less interested in actual sex.

Albright, J. (2008). Sex in America online: An exploration of sex, marital status, and sexual identity in Internet sex seeking and its impacts. Journal of Sex Research, 45, 175–186.

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Exposure to “massive pornography” leads to changes in beliefs and attitudes. For example, reduced support for the women’s liberation movement, reduced belief that pornography needs to be restricted for minors, reduced recommended jail sentences for rapists, increased callousness toward woman, and beliefs of increased frequency of pathological sex (such as sex with animals, and sex with violence).

Zillmann, D & J. Bryant. (1984). Effects of massive exposure to pornography. In Malamuth, N and Donnerstein, E. (Eds), Pornography and sexual aggression. San Diego, Academic Press.

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The strongest predictors of use of cyberporn were weak ties to religion and lack of a happy marriage. However, past sexual deviance (e.g., involvement in paid sex) was also a strong predictor of cyberporn use. Persons ever having an extramarital affair were 3.18 times more apt to have used cyberporn than ones who had lacked affairs. Further, those ever having engaged in paid sex were 3.7 times more apt than those who had not to be using cyberporn. Overall the model explained 40 percent of the variance in porn use on the Internet.

Stack, S., Wasserman, I. & Kern, R. (2004). Adult Social Bonds and Use of Internet Pornography. Social Science Quarterly, 85, 75-88.

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Women who were exposed to pornography as children were more likely to accept the rape myth and to have sexual fantasies that involved rape.

Corne, S., Briere, J. & Esses, L. (1992). Women’s attitudes and fantasies about rape as a function of early exposure to pornography. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 7, 4, 454-461.

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Male domestic violence offenders who utilize the sex industry (pornography and strip clubs) use more controlling behaviors, engage in more sexual abuse, stalking and marital rape against their partners then males who do not use the sex industry.

Simmons, C. A, Lehmann, P & Collier-Tenison, S. (2008). Linking male use of the sex industry to controlling behaviors in violent relationships. Violence against Women, 14, 406-417.

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At the 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, a gathering of the nation’s divorce lawyers, attendees documented a startling trend. Nearly two-thirds of the attorneys present had witnessed a sudden rise in divorces related to the Internet; 58% of those were the result of a spouse looking at excessive amounts of pornography online.

Paul, P. (2005). Pornified. New York: Times Books.

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In a sample of 30 juveniles who had committed sex offenses, exposure to pornographic material at a young age was common. The researchers reported that 29 of the 30 juveniles had been exposed to X-rated magazines or videos; the average age at exposure was about 7.5 years.

Wieckowski, E., Hartsoe, P., Mayer, A., and Shortz, J. 1998. Deviant sexual behavior in children and young adolescents: Frequency and patterns. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, 10, 4, 293-304.

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Juvenile sex offenders were questioned about their use of sexually explicit material. Only 11% said they did not use sexually explicit material. Of those who used the material, 74% said it increased their sexual arousal.

Becker, J. V. & Stein, R. M. (1991). Is sexual erotica associated with sexual deviance in adolescent males? International Journal of Law and Psychiatry, 14, 85-95.

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Male and female students and non students were shown videos for one hour each week for six weeks. Half of these subjects were shown pornography which was non violent and included common sexual practices. Half of the subjects were shown videos that had no pornography, no violence and were innocuous. Two weeks after they stopped seeing the videos they were all given an opportunity to watch videos in private. Those who saw the pornography were significantly more likely to pick harder core pornography which included sex with animals and sex that included violence. Those who had seen the innocuous videos were unlikely to pick the pornographic videos to watch. They were especially unlikely to pick the hardcore pornographic videos to watch.

Watching pornographic videos increases the interest in watching pornographic videos that are more hardcore and contain unusual and/or pathological sexual behaviors.

Zillmann, D. & Bryant, J. (1986). Shifting preferences in pornography consumption. Communication Research, 13, 4, 560-578.

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Almost two thirds (67%) of young adult males find pornography use acceptable while 49% of young adult females find it acceptable. More young adult males use pornography (87%) than young adult females (31%). While 31% of males use pornography never or less than once a month about 5% of males use pornography daily or almost daily. Young adult females use pornography infrequently; 69 % never use it, 21% use it less than once a month and only .2% use it daily or almost every day. For males, more pornography use is correlated with more sex partners, more alcohol use, more binge drinking, greater acceptance of sex outside of marriage for married individuals, greater acceptance of sex before marriage and less child centeredness during marriage.

Carroll, J. S., Padilla-Walker, L. M., Nelson, L. J., Olson, C. D., Barry, C. M., & Madsen, S. (2008). Generation XXX: Pornography acceptance and use among emerging adults. Journal of Adolescent Research, 23, 1, 6-30.

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Males who are involved with interpersonal violence in their relationships and who use pornography and go to strip clubs use more controlling behaviors with their partners. These males engage in more sexual abuse, stalking and marital rape than abusers who do not use pornography and go to strip clubs.

Simmons, C. A., Lehmann, P. & Collier-Tennison, S. (2008). Linking male use of the sex industry to controlling behaviors in violent relationships: An exploratory analysis. Violence Against Women, 14, 406-417.

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Forty percent of abused women indicated that their partner used violent pornography. Of those whose partners used pornography, 53% of the women indicated that they had been asked or forced to enact scenes that they had been shown. Forty percent of the abused women had been raped and of these, 73% stated that their partners had used pornography. Twenty-six percent of the women had been reminded of pornography during the abuse.

Cramer, E. & McFarlane, J. (1994). Pornography and abuse of women. Public Health Nursing, 11, 4, 268-272.

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The likelihood of sexual harassment is significantly correlated with volume of past exposure of sexually explicit materials.

Barak, A., Fisher, W.A., Belfry, S., & Lashambe, D. R. (1999). Sex, guys, and cyberspace: Effects of internet pornography and individual differences on men’s attitudes toward women. Journal of Psychological and Human Sexuality, 11, 63-92.

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There was an increase in attitudes supporting sexual violence following pornography exposure. Violent pornography increased these attitudes even more than non violent pornography.

Allen, M., Emmers, T. M., Gebhardt, L., & Giery, M. (1995). Pornography and rape myth acceptance. Journal of Communication, 45, 5-26.

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High pornography users were higher in rape myth acceptance, acceptance of violence against women, adversarial sex beliefs, reported likelihood of rape, reported likelihood of forced sex acts and sex callousness than low pornography users.

High pornography users who were shown nonviolent dehumanizing pornography showed higher scores in reported likelihood of rape, sex callousness and sexually aggressive behaviors than high pornography users who weren’t shown pornography.

Check. J. V. P., & Guloien, T. H. (1989). The effects of repeated exposure to sexually violent pornography, nonviolent dehumanizing pornography, and erotica. In D. Zillmann & J. Bryan (Eds.), Pornography: Recent research, interpretations, and policy considerations (pp. 159-184). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.

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Males who were high in hostile masculinity, sexual promiscuity and who used pornography frequently were significantly more likely to have physically and sexually aggressed (7.78) than males who were low in these factors (.4).

Malamuth, N., Addison, T. & Koss, M. (2000). Pornography and sexual aggression: Are there reliable effects and can we understand them? Annual Review of Sex Research, 11, 26-68.

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Adolescents exposed to sexually explicit websites (SEWs) were more likely to have multiple lifetime sexual partners, to have had more than one sexual partner in the last 3 months, to have used alcohol or other substances at last sexual encounter, and to have engaged in anal sex. Adolescents who visit SEWs display higher sexual permissiveness scores compared with those who have never been exposed, indicating a more permissive attitude.

Braun-Courville, D. & Rojas, M. (2009). Exposure to sexually explicit web sites and adolescent sexual attitudes and behaviors. Journal of Adolescent Health, 45, 156-162.

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Citation Information:

A Love That Doesn’t Last: Pornography Consumption and Weakened Commitment to  One’s Romantic Partner

Nathaniel M. Lambert, Sesen Negash, Tyler F. Stillman, Spencer B. Olmstead, and Frank D. Fincham

Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 2012 31:4, 410-438

We examined whether the consumption of pornography affects romantic relationships, with the expectation that higher levels of pornography consumption would correspond to weakened commitment in young adult romantic relationships. Study 1 (n = 367) found that higher pornography consumption was related to lower commitment, and Study 2 (n = 34) replicated this finding using observational data. Study 3 (n = 20) participants were randomly assigned to either refrain from viewing pornography or to a self-control task. Those who continued using pornography reported lower levels of commitment than control participants. In Study 4 (n = 67), participants consuming higher levels of pornography flirted more with an extradyadic partner during an online chat. Study 5 (n = 240) found that pornography consumption was positively related to infidelity and this association was mediated by commitment. Overall, a consistent pattern of results was found using a variety of approaches including cross-sectional (Study 1), observational (Study 2), experimental (Study 3), and behavioral (Studies 4 and 5) data.

Read More:

http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.2012.31.4.410

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Does Viewing Explain Doing? Assessing the Association Between Sexually Explicit Materials Use and Sexual Behaviors in a Large Sample of Dutch Adolescents and Young Adults

Gert Martin Hald PhD1,*, Lisette Kuyper PhD2, Philippe C.G. Adam PhD3,4 andJohn B.F. de Wit PhD3,5

Article first published online: 26 APR 2013

DOI: 10.1111/jsm.12157 © 2013 International Society for Sexual Medicine

Issue The Journal of Sexual Medicine

The Journal of Sexual Medicine

Volume 10, Issue 12, pages 2986–2995, December 2013

Abstract

Introduction

Concerns have been voiced that the use of sexually explicit materials (SEMs) may adversely affect sexual behaviors, particularly in young people. Previous studies have
generally found significant associations between SEM consumption and the sexual  behaviors investigated. However, most of these studies have focused on sexual  behaviors related to sexually transmitted infections or sexual aggression and/or failed to adequately control for relevant covariates. Thus, research more thoroughly investigating the association between SEM consumption and a broader range of sexual behaviors is needed.

Aims

The study aims to investigate SEM consumption patterns of young people, and to assess the strength of the association between SEM consumption and a range of sexual behaviors, controlling for a comprehensive array of variables previously shown to affect these relationships.

Methods

Online cross-sectional survey study of 4,600 young people, 15–25 years of age, in The Netherlands was performed.

Main Outcomes Measures

The main outcome measures were self-reported SEM consumption and sexual practices.

Results

The study found that 88% of men and 45% of women had consumed SEM in the past 12 months. Using hierarchical multiple regression analyses to control for other factors, the association between SEM consumption and a variety of sexual behaviors was found to be significant, accounting for between 0.3% and 4% of the total explained variance in investigated sexual behaviors.

Conclusions

This study suggests that, when controlling for important other factors, SEM consumption influences sexual behaviors. The small to moderate associations that emerged between SEM consumption and sexual behavior after controlling for other variables suggest that SEM is just one factor among many that may influence youth sexual behaviors. These findings contribute novel information to the ongoing debates on the role of SEM consumption in sexual behaviors and risk, and provide appropriate guidance to policy makers and program developers concerned with sexual education and sexual health promotion for young people. Hald GM, Kuyper L, Adam PCG, and de Wit JBF. Does viewing explain doing? Assessing the association between sexually explicit materials use and sexual behaviors in a large sample of Dutch adolescents and young adults. J Sex Med 2013;10:2986–2995.

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Now for the articles:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201403/it-doesn-t-hurt-look-does-it

“The Result: The people who eliminated or significantly reduced their viewing of pornographic material were significantly more committed to their relationships than those who continued to view the material. These results held true for both men and women.”

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http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-lies-trauma/201107/effects-porn-adolescent-boys

Between the ages of 12 and 20, the human brain undergoes a period of great neuroplasticity. The brain is in a malleable phase during which billions of new synaptic connections are made. This leaves us vulnerable to the influence of our surroundings and leads our brains to be “wired” around the experiences and information that we receive during that time period.

When an adolescent boy compulsively views pornography, his brain chemistry can become shaped around the attitudes and situations that he is watching. Sadly, pornography paints an unrealistic picture of sexuality and relationships that can create an expectation for real-life experiences that will never be fulfilled.

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Huge Amounts of Data:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201401/is-male-porn-use-ruining-sex

It includes discussion of interest in real partners, erectile disfunction, etc.

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http://www.phillymag.com/articles/the-sorry-lives-and-confusing-times-of-today-s-young-men/?all=1

Something, it seems, is sucking the life out of guys quite literally. One-third of male college students say they’ve experienced erectile dysfunction. Leonard Sax, a family physician for nearly 20 years who authored the book Boys Adrift, saw more and more of them in his Maryland office, asking for Viagra and Cialis. Constant access to porn has desensitized them; they can’t get it up with live girls. “We’re seeing the replacement of penile sex with oral sex,” says Sax, “with the girl on her knees, servicing the boy. Boys and girls both end up losers.” One in five men ages 18 to 25 are now classified as “sub-fertile” because of low sperm count and quality, both of which have been dropping in the developed world for the past 50 years. Curiously, 50 years ago, around 64 percent of all college students were male.

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Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction in Young Men:

http://yourhealth.asiaone.com/content/pornography-can-cause-erectile-dysfunction-young-men

More Interesting Articles:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201212/porning-too-much

http://nsbnews.net/content/409829-sexual-dysfunction-escalating-price-abusing-porn

http://sydney.edu.au/news/84.html?newsstoryid=9176

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/therapy-matters/201205/does-porn-contribute-ed

http://yourbrainonporn.com/middleburry-college-physician-sees-rise-ed-blames-porn

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201111/why-does-he-prefer-porn-over-me

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What Porn Does to Intimacy:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201407/what-porn-does-intimacy


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The Story of A Girl Whose Life I Ruined

I must warn you that what I’m about to share with you is very dark.  If you are in need of a “picker upper,” this story is not for you.  For some, this article might be quite depressing.  For others, it might be a wake-up call, causing them to think of a side of pornography they’ve never before considered.  The latter is my intent.  There’s not much light at the end of this particular dark tunnel.  Also note that I have Mindy’s permission, and indeed encouragment, to share her story.

When you tell a person what they can’t have, they’ll often try to convince you that you’re wrong.  This is especially true for the college aged who have recently left the safety of the nest to try their wings out on their own for the first time.  When recruiting new porn actresses, I understood this very well and used it to my advantage.  Often working from a nice home, I let the house and our lifestyle do the selling for me.  A new prospect would arrive after having driven through one of the better neighborhoods in town and, prior to sitting down to interview with me in my home office, would be shown around the property like a valued guest.  My girlfriend and I had things the interviewee didn’t have, the photos of us were taken at vacations spots where she likely hadn’t been, the “famous” people with whom we posed were people she’d recognize but likely hadn’t met.

There were psychological reasons for this:  I not only wanted her to feel comfortable in a warm, non-threatening environment, but I also knew she’d start painting herself into the picture.  “Porn can give me this lifestyle?” she’d ask herself.  “No, dear girl, this lifestyle isn’t for you,” I’d verbalize, “You can’t handle this business.  What if your dad finds out you’re working for me?”  The more a college aged girl was presented with questions like this, the more she’d argue that I was wrong and this life was something she could handle.  When her life began falling apart, I could pat myself on the back for having warned her against getting involved in the first place.

One December day a girl named Mindy arrived at my house.   She’d turned 18 barely a month before her interview.  I wish I could deny playing the part I played in her story.  For a long time I either didn’t want to talk about it, or I’d mention small bits of information.  Mindy is the reason my cell phone number has never been changed.  She has it memorized, and to this day she’ll call when she’s at her worst and has nowhere else to turn.

Back on that first day, I knew I had a money maker.  I verified the age on her ID because, well, isn’t it obvious by looking at her pictures?  She looks really young.  I’d already been in the business four years by this time, so I had a pretty good handle on the demands of the market.  I knew men would go crazy over this girl.

I initially emailed samples to clients who owned websites.  Every one of them either matched their largest order size, or ordered more of her than they had of any other model I’d submitted.  One client who specialized in the “teen” niche – which requires a model to be over 18 but look younger – started asking if I’d be willing to partner with him on solo-girl website.  Such a site features one girl, rather than a variety of girls.  We made a proposal to Mindy:  she’d receive 25% of site revenue, I’d receive 25% and my new business partner would keep the remaining 50%.  His portion was larger because he would be responsible for all website development, hosting and promotions.

Mindy was the easiest model I’ve ever worked with, at least when it came to porn production.  She had a natural charisma, beautiful smile and a melodic laugh.  She loved life, and enlivened any room into which she walked.  At the beginning of her “career,” she could have been the poster child for “bubbly personality.”  The second a camera was pointed at her, she’d just start posing.  She didn’t need to be directed.  I couldn’t press the shutter release quickly enough.  For the most part, she’d pick out her own clothing and props, and she didn’t care where we shot, from rolling around in the dirt of a dry field to posing on railroad tracks, from taking over an aircraft hangar – and using the aircraft within it as her own personal props – to breaking into an abandoned sawmill, Mindy was up for anything.  When it came to videos, no script was needed because you could be sure that whatever Mindy came up with would be something her “fans” enjoyed seeing.  The one thing she didn’t want to do, however, was touch another person.  I honored that… for a while.

I believe that into every woman is built a need to be desired.  This desire can be used for the purposes of manipulation by guys like the one I used to be.  With Mindy, we flattered her and praised the things we loved about her.  Prior to the launch of her website, her fan base had already exploded due to the release of thousands of images of her on other popular sites.  The feedback she received was shared with her.  We used it to inflate her ego and prod her along.  Her “fans” needed her, after all.  With that positive reinforcement in mind, she was under the impression that she was going to become a celebrity once her solo-site launched.  She told everyone about it.

When an 18 year old girl begins making $10,000 per month, she more than likely isn’t going to know how to handle that amount of money.  Mindy was no exception.  She wanted to take care of people by giving them money and buying things for them, and she wanted to have fun.  Not being promiscuous by nature, she wouldn’t go home with fans, but she could be found passed out at parties.  She was raped several times over the years. Sometimes I’d immediately be told about these rapes, and other times I would not, only having them brought up months later.  I encouraged her to speak to police, but she never wanted to do so.  I asked local law enforcement if there was anything I could do, and was told she had to be willing to talk about it herself.  By this time, she felt as if all she was good for was to serve as an outlet for the “needs” men thought they had, either by entertaining them on her website, or letting them get away with taking what they wanted from her when she was passed out.  The lifestyle I had saddled her with had drained all light and sparkle from her eyes.  They reflected a soul that had died inside.

Where once a girl existed who would light up a room just by being herself, now there was a girl who would often literally begin a sentence laughing and end that same sentence in tears.  She once broke down on a sidewalk after we’d gone out for pizza and loudly cried about how her website was destroying her life.  Another time, I shot scenes with her in a hotel room at a local casino, and in between scenes she passed out on the bed.  I let her sleep for hours, but by checkout time I still couldn’t get her to wake up.  I had to call security to see if they could help, because God knows I didn’t want to pay for another day, and ended up witnessing a room full of hostile men badgering a naked young girl who was quite angry at having been forced awake, trying to dress and gather her things as strangers screamed at her that she had to leave.

The first time Mindy told me she’d given her life to Jesus, I was actually happy to hear it.  The things I’d seen in Mindy’s life didn’t make me feel very good because I knew a big part of the blame was on me.  Built into her contract was the requirement to keep producing new content if she wanted to keep receiving her percentage of sales, and I knew that she’d have quit early on if she could have just walked away while keeping residual royalties.  Jesus entering her life meant I was going to lose one of my best-selling models, but at least I wouldn’t have to keep looking into those haunted eyes when she was around.

More than anything, I was a hate-filled, selfish man.  My hatred was fueled by the hypocrisy I’d witnessed within the church during my teen years, as well as the perceived ongoing hypocrisy of Christians who would lecture me about the life I was living, yet want to see what new pornographic content I’d produced.  While I was happy to see the lights return to Mindy’s eyes, I was not happy to be on the receiving end of her attempts to save my soul.  She definitely wasn’t prepared to discuss such matters with me.  Had she not decided to witness to me, I might not have made such an effort to drag her back into porn.  But since the church ladies who met with her on a regular basis had encouraged her to “plant seeds” into my mind, I in retaliation decided I’d try to remove Mindy’s faith entirely.  Already, she was having a hard time making ends meet, as income no longer came in from the site (remember, it depended upon her willingness to add new content).   I asked her if she understood that old religious men were the ones who had made up the moral rules prohibiting her from participating in her website, which was still able to provide very well for her financially if she’d just give up the crazy religious stuff.  I began pointing out inconsistencies in the Bible.  I asked her what loving God would command that unborn babies be ripped from their mother’s wombs, as is mentioned in the book of Hosea.  After having spent so much time with her – at one time she even lived with me – I knew how best to manipulate her into seeing things my way.  She’d come back to the lifestyle every time, initially insisting that she’d only shoot lingerie at most, but quickly jumping back in full bore.

But now I told her she needed to do more.  First we started with girls, then later with boyfriends.  Eventually, I had her take on both visiting male friends and myself, often at the same time, although we’d film it so that it could technically be called a porn shoot rather than prostitution.  The difference between legal prostitution and illegal prostitution is just that the former is labeled “pornography” and involves a model release and a camera of some sort.

Because someone she thought cared for her was now using her as a prostitute, she started identifying as one.  Drugs had never previously been part of her life, but they became part of it now.  I guess they made it easy to do what she was doing.  I’d often pick her up for shoots from hotel rooms where it was apparent she’d been selling herself to others.  She bounced from house to house, living with random older men who’d use her for a time and then send her on her way.  She has no idea who her son’s father might be, because she didn’t know any of the men who were present the night she was impregnated while passed out at a party.

I wish there was a happy ending to Mindy’s story, but there’s not.  Not many months ago, she called in tears, begging me to adopt her two kids.  The state had taken them one time too many, and they were now no longer eligible to be returned to her.  Her social worker had informed her that a close friend or family member could be given priority, and she wondered if I would be willing, as the rest of her family was not.  I gave it thought and prayer, but realized I’m not equipped to take them on.

I’ve now known Mindy for almost 13 years, and there is far more to this story.  I could write more than one book about her life alone.  What is important for you to know is this:  when I led her into pornography, her life was forever changed.  Every single time I see her, she tells me that the website we created of her still impacts her life to this day.  Random strangers still recognize her and make assumptions about her.  She fights hard with the mental illness that was brought on while dealing with the numerous issues that have arisen from working for me. She is very paranoid most of the time, thinking people must be stalking her.  When she is noticed by a man in public, she never assumes it is because he finds her attractive, but rather because he has seen her online somewhere without her clothes on.

There is nothing at all attractive about what happened to her.

I wonder if the men and women who found so much appeal in the images and video content we produced of Mindy would find it attractive if they knew what it cost her.  I wonder if there would be any arousal if the reality was shown:  often before a scene, Mindy would protest, but she knew she wouldn’t earn any money if she didn’t do it, so she’d put on her best game face and do what made her feel worthless, pretending she enjoyed it.

I put her in front of a camera and repeatedly convinced her to continue doing work that was dimming her eyes and killing her soul, but I’d like to point out that the Law of Supply and Demand means all of us who have consumed pornography are part of the cycle of broken lives, like Mindy’s, that result from this industry.  This story is not unique; it happens in some form or other every day, repeatedly.  Mindy is someone’s daughter.  What if she was yours?

While there is an enormous amount of darkness in Mindy’s life, there are also things I find encouraging.  Even though she was impregnated through rape, and even though she knew she might not be able to provide for a child, abortion was never an option that entered her mind.  Her children might not have been afforded the best life possible with her, but they do have life, and I’ve no doubt whatsoever that they prefer that to the alternative.

I also take courage in the fact that Mindy never gives up.  There are situations she has faced that are just as bad as or worse than those I’ve shared, but she doesn’t give up.  She’s never once threatened to end her life, she doesn’t whine, and she reluctantly accepts handouts.  Sometimes she goes to church, other times she does not, but she’s never blamed God for her circumstances.

What I need from you, dear reader, is a promise that you’ll pray for Mindy.  Please don’t do so as a one-time thing.  Add her to your daily or weekly prayer list.  It has been almost 13 years since porn began affecting her life, and the images and video we created together will be around until long after she has departed this world.  There will never be a time when prayers for her are wasted.   If you’d like specific things to pray for, I’d suggest praying that her mind is healed and that her children are cared for in loving, nurturing environments.  The most recent update I have of them is from a few months ago, and they were in foster care at that time.

And finally, please help share the message that pornography involves real people.  One way to fight it is to decrease the demand for it.  Let’s humanize those who are involved in its creation so that fewer consumers find it appealing.  If you’re a consumer, please do whatever is necessary to stop consumption.  Encourage your children to become warriors, fighting for those who aren’t willing to fight for themselves by refusing to ever become consumers of pornography.  FightTheNewDrug has done a great job with their marketing campaign to sell products such as t-shirts, hoodies and wrist bands that are intended to make porn “uncool” for young people.  Perhaps browse their store and make a purchase or two for the youth in your life.  Let’s work to change the way porn is esteemed, transforming the attitude that “everybody uses it” to “it’s just not cool” in ways similar to anti-smoking campaigns.  We CAN do it.

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The Hardcore Truth || An Ex-Porn-Producer Reveals 10 Myths About Pornography

The Hardcore Truth | An Ex-Porn Producer Reveals 10 Myths About

By Matt Fradd and Donny Pauling.  Click the image to get your free copy!

Covenant Eyes has decided to give away the eBook written by Matt Fradd and yours truly.  In this 30 page eBook, Matt and I discuss porn in a very open way that will open the minds of many.  The short length of the book is done on purpose:  this is for someone who needs to read what we’ve got to say, but doesn’t want to spend hours on end reading a full length book.

This book is a handy resource for anyone who wants to be able to help those struggling with porn, who want to educate those who think porn is “no big deal,” or those who want weapons in their own personal arsenal when fighting an attraction to pornography.

Click here to get your free copy: Hardcore Truth: An Ex-Porn Producer Reveals 10 Myths About Pornography.


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“PORN: On Both Sides of the Screen” – a Discussion at the University of Notre Dame

I’m reposting this here, because clicking through to it on YouTube brings up videos in the “suggested videos” section on the right side that most of our target audience does NOT want to see.  This video was recorded on 31 March 2014 at the University of Notre Dame.  Watch it for an eye-opening look at the realities of what pornography really is – it is my opinion that you’ll particularly enjoy the Q&A section.

PLEASE NOTE:  when you get to the end of the video, close the window as soon as the screen goes black.  If you watch until the very end, YouTube shows suggested videos in the window, and the images are explicit.  I’ve complained, but don’t know if or when they’ll take the offensive videos down.

This 4-person panel presentation, sponsored by the Institute for Church Life and The Gender Relations Center at the University of Notre Dame, focuses on the subject of addiction to pornography and its devastating effects.

Christina (Chrissy) Moran is a former pornography star; entered the industry at age 26 and over the next six years, starred in over 30 videos and numerous photographs.

Donny Pauling is a former producer of both picture and video pornography; he produced over two million photographs and thousands of hours of video. He left the porn industry in 2006.

Sam Meier is a former pornography addict who developed an addiction when he received his first laptop in college. His addiction brought him to the brink of despair.

Beth Meier is Sam’s wife; the consequences of Sam’s addiction nearly ruined their marriage.


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Jenna Jameson Returns to Porn?

In 2008, porn star Jenna Jameson stood on the stage of the Adult Video Network Awards show, to present an award named after her, and stated the following:

“Honesty is key. I will never, ever, ever spread my legs in this industry again. Ever.”

She’d recently sold her company to Playboy for $25 million, and was booed when she uttered those words.

Now, 5 years later and broke, she recently announced she’ll be getting back in. But industry insiders are saying she’s too old and worn out to make any decent money.

Tonight, I posted some questions to my former colleagues and am currently awaiting answers. Here is what I asked:

Honestly, this pisses me off. I’d like to ask a few questions. Feel free to ignore me.

Ron Jeremy, Monique Alexander, Martin Bashir, Donny Pauling, Craig Gross

If I were to film your daughter – when she’s over 18 of course – and I told you what a great anal scene she’d shot for me the day before, when I teamed her up with three guys who all had her do ATM and then shot all over her face and in her hair, how would you feel about that?

If it’s not okay when it’s your daughter, why’s it okay when it’s someone else’s daughter? Because she’s making money for you and signed a model release?

After the Debate

When I’ve asked questions like this of Ron Jeremy while debating him at Ohio State and at Yale University on Nightline ABC, he always pointed to Jenna Jameson as an example of success in this business. I pointed out that Jenna is the exception, not the rule, and that most girls have a very short “career” in this business, after which the work they do will follow them around for life. Long after the money is spent and they’re old grandmothers, their grandkids will still be able to find them somewhere. Nina Hartley, on the other hand, was more honest when I debated her and Ron at Ohio State. She said, “It’s true – the majority of models in the porn industry have about a 2 year shelf life, and afterwards won’t be able to work anywhere better than Home Depot.”

Now, Jenna is broke and probably can’t do very well in this industry. How does that make you feel? What if she was your little girl?

And again, to those of you who consume porn, you’re part of the same supply-and-demand-circle that tears down the lives of the actors and actresses on screen. You can hide behind an anonymous screen and escape responsibility. Consuming in ANY way contributes to the demand, which is filled by producers and companies who release the supply.

Just a li’l somethin’ somethin’ to consider…


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Another Conversation with a Former Model

If you are thin skinned and can’t deal with language similar to that used in your favorite R-rated action movie, you don’t want to read this post.

Yesterday I received an email from a girl who worked for me when I was still in the adult industry.  The work she did for me has reared its head again in her life, and she thought I was behind it, sharing her photo content again. We’ve been emailing back and forth.  The conversation continues.

With her permission, I’m going to share parts of our email conversation with you.  I’ll highlight a few things that I think really say more than the words she used.  This is what porn really is, my friends…

Donny,

After doing a little research of my own, I soon learned that you have some affiliation with ******* here in Redding. I wanted to remind you that I did some nude shoots with you and your girlfriend Belinda about 10 years ago. I understand that my photos are available on the internet for anyone to look at, or save for that matter. However, I also know that it is with great detail that you may even find me on these various websites after all of these years. You would really have to search or have specific information about a model to actually find these photos now. At the time, I was interested in taking photos and exploring my individualism, and the money was decent for an 18 year old. Unaware at the time that my photos would be posted on a LOCAL website, I continued to shoot with you two. It was only after the trip to Baltimore that you sent me on, that I realized this was something that was no longer fun, or anything I wanted to do. I had the most awful experience there and was tricked into doing things that were not in my contract. Granted I did voluntarily go alone on this trip, I really did not have anyone to turn to while across the US. I was scared, and I felt betrayed by you. I recall you saying that the photographer was incredibly sweet and would make me feel comfortable. That was obviously not the case, so I decided that I did not want to shoot with you anymore.

For a couple years after I stopped, my photos started popping up in places, parties, friend’s phones, Myspace. I was humiliated. I went through a lot of judgment and ridicule. I was under the impression that the photos I was taking weren’t for local websites. After two shitty years of dealing with bullshit, to my own doing, I finally came to a place where I wasn’t ashamed anymore and I felt good about myself. Every now and again I would come across some asshole that still had my photos saved somewhere, a little fucking creepy and pathetic if you ask me. I mean, these photos are almost ten years old!

Recently, it has come to my attention that my photos are being shared again. Weird, it’s been 10 years, but it still feels like yesterday. I then put together that it was in fact you sharing my photos. You are the fucking creepy and pathetic asshole still sharing my photos after all these years even after I shared with you my personal struggle.

I am appalled at your actions, we’re both adults and I am even more surprised at your blatant disrespect for young women. I learned the hard way. I can only imagine how some of the other girls felt after growing up and realizing that they made huge mistakes. We can only rely on the hope that you and Belinda were decent people and as time went on these photos would disappear in some way. But no thanks to you, they have resurfaced causing a lot of pain in my life. I am disgusted, you have two daughters. How would you feel if they made mistakes in their life and someone like their father was making them relive their ultimate humiliation? Oh wow, just found you on Facebook and you’re a changed man huh? Christian! I call bullshit, I am even more disgusted with you!

In my reply to that initial email, I assured her it wasn’t me sharing her photos again.  A later message indicated why she thought it must be me (some of the photos were from a site that still exists, and bears the name I used to use).  After a bit of discussion, she wrote, “Ok I believe you. It’s possible that your name was used because of your previous affiliation. I’m sorry to come at you in attack mode, I have just been dealing with some unnecessary bullshit. Thank you for responding.”

I let her know that I’d be happy to help in any way possible.  If someone was using her photos in an illegal way, I could definitely help do something about it.  Her response also shares what went on in Baltimore (the bad experience mentioned above).  WARNING:  this part makes a brief reference to acts that some might find too graphic.  I’m leaving that in the post, because porn is what it is…

I don’t think anyone is using my photos illegally. I think they just have them saved somewhere or are able to access them. There was a sales guy named *****, not sure about his last name, who was taunting my ex with them. Your name was brought up, but it is possible that he was referring to the website (*****). In the past there were a couple of guys that claimed they knew you, but again, could have been lying. I will look more into it. I wish I could erase the photos from Baltimore. On that trip I was young and scared as it was. I couldn’t complete the fisting shoot, it hurt so bad and so I started to cry. He became frustrated with me and thought that if he talked dirtier that it would somehow help? But it made it worse. He then pulled me aside and told me that I would not get paid if I didn’t do it, and that I would be wasting his time if I couldn’t cooperate. It just wasn’t me. As far as I know, no one is claiming to be you. Thank you, I’m glad that you turned it around. I think when I was younger, I just saw dollar signs and thought my open-mindedness was of something different than it really is. OR I have grown up, who knows. Either way, I half-expected it to follow me forever in someway, and for that I am responsible.

I was able to apologize.  I’m so happy to have the opportunity to do so.  Her response was, “I really appreciate your apology, it truly means a lot. Thank you so much.”

My friends, when looking at porn, do you ever stop to think that the girl on the screen is someone’s beautiful daughter?  You wouldn’t want anyone to look at the content if she was your daughter.  Why is okay when it’s someone else’s daughter?


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“Why Was I Not Enough?” – A Letter From a Hurting Spouse

Back in May I received the email that follows.  I asked the sender if I could remove her name, post her email and answer it here.  She gave permission, so I marked it unread, as seeing it in my inbox would prompt me to write.  But I haven’t addressed it until now because I really want to do it justice, and to do so requires me to rip myself apart in my reply.  Today feels like the right day to do this.

So you know, I’m not writing from the perspective of a counselor.  I’m just going to respond from my own point of view.  I’m not going to concern myself with proper sentence structure, either.  My thoughts might not apply to other men, and might not represent her husband’s motivations.  Therefore, I invite anyone to share their own perspective.  Personally, I prefer real life stories and reasons over generalized “study results.”

First, the letter:

Dear Mr. Pauling,

You’ve probably gotten these questions before – ad nauseum.  I hope you will respond anyway.  I am in the midst of a divorce.  Addiction was a major theme in the demise of my marriage – alcohol and drugs most recently, but pornography had been a source of pain in our relationship from the beginning.  Honestly, I’m not sure of the extent because I was really naive.  Many times I thought it was no longer an issue and then I’d make a discovery that demonstrated otherwise.  I’m looking for insight.  Is there a way to make sense of this that will provide peace of mind?  I fear not, but I have to ask these things.  Although you can’t know what was going on in my husband’s mind, there have to be some commonalities among men who allow porn to wreak havoc in their marriages.

What role did I have to play in my husband’s use of porn?  Why was I not enough?  Why was I not deserving of his respect and fidelity?

The lies, my God, the lies were the worst.  The outright lies and the subtle deceptions were rampant.  Every day there was deception on some level.  You lived the ultimate lie; how did you look your wife in the face every day?  Were you snickering behind her back at how clueless she was?  Did you have any love for her at all?  Did you come to look upon her with utter disdain?  I gave this marriage everything I had – was that all part of the joke, “See how much she’ll endure before she realizes I don’t love her.  Stupid b*tch.”

When you looked at your wife, who did you see?  Knowing my husband was viewing thousands of images of other women said to me, “He wants ANYONE BUT you, *****.”  Is that how you felt?  Did you want anyone BUT your wife?  It would seem that someone with a porn addiction would have a high sex drive, but just the opposite was true with my husband – at least with me.  Was that because I fell so short of the fantasies acted out in the land of porn?  Could I just not hold a candle to the beautiful, seductive, pleasure-savvy women he would seek out wherever and whenever he got the chance?

Please help me understand.  This has ground me into the dirt.  I am working hard to overcome the sense that ‘I am nothing.’  Because rejection of this type certainly sends that message.

While I’m at it, there’s something I’d like to you to consider sharing as you talk to different groups.  Exposing children to porn – even unintentionally – leads to disaster.  You see, I was set up for this whole scenario years ago.  The fact that I am writing you as a devastated wife is almost nauseatingly cliche.

My Dad used porn heavily.  No, he didn’t show it to me and he kept it in his nightstand drawer (fully accessible, just out of sight), but he never hid the fact that he liked porn.  A lot.  He and one of his friends would laugh about jokes in the latest edition of Hustler when our families got together – right in front of the wives and children.  The wives laughed too.  I saw my stepmother reading Hustler when she was sunning herself on the deck.  I thought porn was an absolutely normal part of life.  So when I was 12 and a garbage bag full of old Hustlers ended up in a closet that also housed my toys, I took a look for myself.  I figured I had better educate myself so I wouldn’t end up divorced and alone like my mother (my Dad’s first wife, who did not like his porn use, but was of the belief that “men can’t help themselves”).  I’ll spare you the details, but it set me up for many years of abuse and ultimately the turbulent marriage that is now ending.  Children should be separated from porn as vigilantly as they are separated from guns.

Thank you for taking the time to read this.  The burden of so many sharing their pain with you has to be great.  But I guess that’s why you were called to public ministry, right?  🙂

I’ve forwarded your story and video from LifeSiteNews to my Dad and brothers and I’m praying it will have an impact.

Blessings,

*****

This wife’s letter asks so much.  I’m going to take bits and pieces of it, then reply below each part from my own perspective, as if Wendy (my ex-wife) was the author, asking these questions of me (it wasn’t her, by the way).

What role did I have to play in my husband’s use of porn? Why was I not enough? Why was I not deserving of his respect and fidelity?

If Wendy had asked this, I’d have to reply, “You were enough.  I realize I complained about so many things.  I know I had the attitude that you wouldn’t just let me be myself.  I complained that you didn’t trust me.  I complained that you didn’t want to have sex often enough.  I complained about all sorts of things, didn’t I?  I don’t remember whether or not any of my complaints were even based on real reasons, because the truth is that I was just a really selfish man.  You were right not to trust me.  I used some of those things I thought were ‘valid complaints’ to justify making my own poor decisions.   That’s really what my complaints boiled down to:  trying to sell the idea to myself and to you that I had an excuse to make bad decisions.  One of those poor decisions was my use of porn.  There are so many versions of porn that every man on the planet, and most women, can be tempted by if given the right circumstances… or should I say, ‘the wrong circumstances.’  I word it that way because the circumstances are something I could have controlled.  I didn’t have to be up late, on the computer while you slept in our bed.  I didn’t need to come home and turn on the computer at lunch time while you were at work.  I definitely didn’t need to go to the seedy parts of town, sneaking in the back door – hopefully unnoticed by any friends or acquaintances – of shops that sold pornography.

“I could have controlled myself.  I could have been a man of God.  I could have fought a fight worth winning, worth bragging about, of which I could be proud.  But I didn’t.  I gave in to temptation.

“To be honest, one of the biggest reasons I looked at porn is because I had fantasies about things that I didn’t want to do to you.  I felt those things would degrade you.  I didn’t mind carrying those thoughts out in my head with someone else’s daughter as the ‘recipient’ of the actions I wanted to commit.  I had no problem disrespecting a girl on a screen.  She didn’t seem like a real person with real feelings to me.  I didn’t see her as someone’s little girl, the way I do now.  She was just an object for me to use in my ‘it’s all about Donny’ fantasies.  Regardless of the hurtful words I said, that’s what my porn use and cheating came down to:  pure selfishness.  I wanted to engage in a type of sexual release that didn’t require consideration for anyone but myself.  I didn’t want to honor my vows or consider your needs.”

I didn’t want…

*I*

That’s what it all boiled down to… a desire to receive for myself, exclusively.  A desire to consider nobody but me.

The lies, my God, the lies were the worst.  The outright lies and the subtle deceptions were rampant.  Every day there was deception on some level.  You lived the ultimate lie; how did you look your wife in the face every day?  Were you snickering behind her back at how clueless she was?  Did you have any love for her at all?  Did you come to look upon her with utter disdain?  I gave this marriage everything I had – was that all part of the joke, “See how much she’ll endure before she realizes I don’t love her.  Stupid b*tch.”

Wendy and I were asked several times by Oprah Winfrey’s people to appear on their show.  The show didn’t want to speak only with me; if they couldn’t have both of us on the show, they didn’t want to do the interview.  I desperately wanted to participate.  Over the years, Wendy has turned down numerous requests for interviews.  Those requests even included a personal phone call from a pastor whose congregation numbers more than 20,000 people.  Oprah’s people fared no better… she turned them down, too.  But she DID consider it for a few days longer than any other offer, because she knows the secular members of such an audience really need to hear about God’s love, grace and forgiveness.

During her days of consideration, she asked me if I’d be okay with her telling the audience what she really thought.  “It wasn’t the porn,” she said.  “It was the deception.”  I was a deceitful person in every way.  What you wrote in the paragraph I just quoted could have been written by Wendy, right down to that last line.

But I DID love Wendy.  I don’t fully grasp why I was so deceptive.  That part of my character still haunts me to this day.  Just a few days ago, Wendy and I had a conversation.  I was very excited about some of the things God has been doing in my life and those with whom I’ve interacted.  Wendy interrupted my joy to make sure I knew that she still considers me to be the world’s biggest liar, and she’s not sure how much of the things I was telling her were able to be believed.

NOTE: this was just days ago, almost 6 years after I left the world of pornography.

As Wendy said, porn wasn’t the root problem in our marriage.  Deception was even more damaging than pornography ever was.

I deceived myself just as much as I deceived Wendy.  I believed, about myself, exactly what I wanted to believe.  I never felt as if I didn’t love Wendy.  I felt as if I loved her very, very much.  I also tried to believe that I held myself in high esteem, while at the same time holding other parts of myself in utter contempt.  Those parts of me,  I considered to be beneath her.  I wanted to hide those parts from her.  She was too good for that part of Donny.

No, I never once thought of her as a “stupid b*tch.”  I put her up on a pedestal that I didn’t feel I deserved to stand upon.  I’m not sure if I can explain it, but I NEEDED her to be royalty, to be perfect.  My own self esteem was so low that I needed to believe I was somehow connected to something bigger than me… something that I could physically touch and see.  God wasn’t enough.  God didn’t even come close.  I needed Wendy to be that object of perfection.  But since I didn’t feel I deserved her, since I felt like I was a pathetic excuse for a man and that nobody would like me if they knew who I really was, I took out my dark areas on others I didn’t respect  such as images on a screen, and eventually real women via physical cheating.

I deceived her because I didn’t want her to know how pathetic I was.  I wanted to be more than what I felt I actually was.  I wanted to be better than I felt inside, and I wanted her to believe that of me.  Sometimes, oftentimes, that lack of confidence came out as anger towards her.  It also came out in lies to her and to myself.

My point, dear *****, is that it was all about me and never about her.  I’m sure the same is true in the case of your husband.

When you looked at your wife, who did you see?  Knowing my husband was viewing thousands of images of other women said to me, “He wants ANYONE BUT you, XXXXX.”  Is that how you felt?  Did you want anyone BUT your wife?  It would seem that someone with a porn addiction would have a high sex drive, but just the opposite was true with my husband – at least with me.  Was that because I fell so short of the fantasies acted out in the land of porn?  Could I just not hold a candle to the beautiful, seductive, pleasure-savvy women he would seek out wherever and whenever he got the chance?

I’ve answered this to some extent in previous replies.  I’ll repeat some of what I said and dig a little deeper here.

When I looked at my wife, I saw my wife.  She turned me on SO much.  When I met her in High School I’d never had a serious relationship before her, so for me she came to define all that the perfect woman embodied.  Her physical features became what I considered to be perfect.  Everything about her became my preference.

And then came porn and the girls within it.  All of those images filled my head, and each type of woman that was different from my wife fulfilled parts of my fantasy life that I didn’t want to place on Wendy.  Some of that fantasy life didn’t even exist before I saw those images and watched those videos.  Some things repulsed me at one point in time, but grew to be an interest as time passed.  As I said before, there were actions I wanted to do, sexually, that I felt degraded my wife.  Through porn, this woman with that body type will fulfill THAT fantasy for me, while this other woman with that characteristic will fulfill some other twisted fantasy.   What I did with Wendy was “holy” to me.  Our sex life was what pure sex looked like in my mind, and the rest of it was what I let myself believe I really deserved.  And when I say, “…what I really deserved,” I am stating that  from the viewpoint of a man with really low self worth.

I often didn’t want to be pure.  This became my reality more and more as I felt less and less worthy of my wife and the beautiful child she eventually bore for me.

I’m convinced satan will twist anything God intends to be pure.  That’s his nature.  The more God loves something, the more satan wants to attack it.  One of God’s first commands to humanity was the command to be fruitful and multiply.  That command had nothing to do with growing strawberries and teaching algebra, and everything to do with sex.  God loves sex.  It is a gift to us.  But because He loves sex so much, His enemy twists it into something it was never meant to be.  That’s where porn and twisted sexual fantasies come into play.  This is a spiritual battle.  As humans, sexual drive is built into us by our creator.  Satan loves twisting that drive.

To answer your question, “Could I just not hold a candle to the beautiful, seductive, pleasure-savvy women he would seek out wherever and whenever he got the chance?”, I would have to say, “In my case, Wendy was the sun to which some little candle couldn’t possibly compare… but I didn’t feel worthy of her.  I felt too dirty, and I didn’t know how to clean up, so I just gave into the dirt more and more all the time.”

While I’m at it, there’s something I’d like to you to consider sharing as you talk to different groups.  Exposing children to porn – even unintentionally – leads to disaster.  You see, I was set up for this whole scenario years ago.  The fact that I am writing you as a devastated wife is almost nauseatingly cliche.

My Dad used porn heavily.  No, he didn’t show it to me and he kept it in his nightstand drawer (fully accessible, just out of sight), but he never hid the fact that he liked porn.  A lot.  He and one of his friends would laugh about jokes in the latest edition of Hustler when our families got together – right in front of the wives and children.  The wives laughed too.  I saw my stepmother reading Hustler when she was sunning herself on the deck.  I thought porn was an absolutely normal part of life.  So when I was 12 and a garbage bag full of old Hustlers ended up in a closet that also housed my toys, I took a look for myself.  I figured I had better educate myself so I wouldn’t end up divorced and alone like my mother (my Dad’s first wife, who did not like his porn use, but was of the belief that “men can’t help themselves”).  I’ll spare you the details, but it set me up for many years of abuse and ultimately the turbulent marriage that is now ending.  Children should be separated from porn as vigilantly as they are separated from guns.

I agree 100%.  I was first exposed to porn when I was in the third grade, when I picked up a magazine that someone had left in a trash can at a local park.  I still remember those images to this very day, quite clearly.  As I’ve traveled to speak these last six years (December will mark six years since I began speaking out on this topic at venues other than this blog) I’ve heard the same things over and over and over again from person after person:  their struggles with porn began at a young age due to exposure as a child.  On October 18th, I posted this update on my Facebook wall.  The woman mentioned in that post, seeking retaliation against me, made an accusation back in December of 2010 that I showed her daughter pornography and allowed her to drink alcohol.  I would never, EVER do such a thing, especially to a child, but because of my background and public profile that relates to this topic, I’m an easy target for such an accusation.  Having personally experienced the devastation pornography wreaks in the lives of all who touch it, I’m adamant that children never encounter it.  I  regularly ask my son if he’s seen it and am thankful that thus far he has not had to encounter it.   I also speak at youth events, where I challenge young people to keep themselves pure and keep pornography out of their lives.  The average age of exposure is now 11 years old… it’s no wonder our families are falling apart.  Boys see images and videos on a screen and begin to believe they depict the realities of sex, when nothing could be further from the truth.

It’s my belief that your husband’s problems really have very little to do with you, *****.  He needs professional help.  Some will say, “He just needs God.”  I disagree.  In the Bible, we are told to share each other’s burdens.  We are told to confess to each other.  The point is that God instituted life to involve healings that include other people.  I’ve been seeing a Psychiatrist for quite some time now.  We’ve made a lot of progress but there is still so much work to be done.  It was hard to admit that I needed help.  It was hard to admit that God didn’t miraculously recreate me into a perfect, valiant man.  Valiance is a journey, and others are needed to complete it.  Your husband needs to be willing to start that journey, and to continue on it as long as it takes… which just might be the rest of his life.