Donny's Ramblings


6 Comments

How Porn Affects Us: A List of Peer Reviewed Studies, as well as Magazine Articles

I’ll be sure to add more articles and research as I come across it, most likely in the comments area of this article.

 

First:

Peer reviewed studies in summary form so you can easily get the point, but with references to the study so you can look it up yourself (the summary is listed first, then the reference to the study).  If you so choose to look it up, simply go somewhere like Google Scholar and copy/paste the reference into the search bar:

————————————–

As a result of viewing pornography women reported lowered body image, partner critical of their body, increased pressure to perform acts seen in pornographic films, and less actual sex, while men reported being more critical of their partners’ body and less interested in actual sex.

Albright, J. (2008). Sex in America online: An exploration of sex, marital status, and sexual identity in Internet sex seeking and its impacts. Journal of Sex Research, 45, 175–186.

————————————–

Exposure to “massive pornography” leads to changes in beliefs and attitudes. For example, reduced support for the women’s liberation movement, reduced belief that pornography needs to be restricted for minors, reduced recommended jail sentences for rapists, increased callousness toward woman, and beliefs of increased frequency of pathological sex (such as sex with animals, and sex with violence).

Zillmann, D & J. Bryant. (1984). Effects of massive exposure to pornography. In Malamuth, N and Donnerstein, E. (Eds), Pornography and sexual aggression. San Diego, Academic Press.

————————————–

The strongest predictors of use of cyberporn were weak ties to religion and lack of a happy marriage. However, past sexual deviance (e.g., involvement in paid sex) was also a strong predictor of cyberporn use. Persons ever having an extramarital affair were 3.18 times more apt to have used cyberporn than ones who had lacked affairs. Further, those ever having engaged in paid sex were 3.7 times more apt than those who had not to be using cyberporn. Overall the model explained 40 percent of the variance in porn use on the Internet.

Stack, S., Wasserman, I. & Kern, R. (2004). Adult Social Bonds and Use of Internet Pornography. Social Science Quarterly, 85, 75-88.

————————————–

Women who were exposed to pornography as children were more likely to accept the rape myth and to have sexual fantasies that involved rape.

Corne, S., Briere, J. & Esses, L. (1992). Women’s attitudes and fantasies about rape as a function of early exposure to pornography. Journal of Interpersonal Violence, 7, 4, 454-461.

————————————–

Male domestic violence offenders who utilize the sex industry (pornography and strip clubs) use more controlling behaviors, engage in more sexual abuse, stalking and marital rape against their partners then males who do not use the sex industry.

Simmons, C. A, Lehmann, P & Collier-Tenison, S. (2008). Linking male use of the sex industry to controlling behaviors in violent relationships. Violence against Women, 14, 406-417.

————————————–

At the 2003 meeting of the American Academy of Matrimonial Lawyers, a gathering of the nation’s divorce lawyers, attendees documented a startling trend. Nearly two-thirds of the attorneys present had witnessed a sudden rise in divorces related to the Internet; 58% of those were the result of a spouse looking at excessive amounts of pornography online.

Paul, P. (2005). Pornified. New York: Times Books.

————————————–

In a sample of 30 juveniles who had committed sex offenses, exposure to pornographic material at a young age was common. The researchers reported that 29 of the 30 juveniles had been exposed to X-rated magazines or videos; the average age at exposure was about 7.5 years.

Wieckowski, E., Hartsoe, P., Mayer, A., and Shortz, J. 1998. Deviant sexual behavior in children and young adolescents: Frequency and patterns. Sexual Abuse: A Journal of Research and Treatment, 10, 4, 293-304.

————————————–

Juvenile sex offenders were questioned about their use of sexually explicit material. Only 11% said they did not use sexually explicit material. Of those who used the material, 74% said it increased their sexual arousal.

Becker, J. V. & Stein, R. M. (1991). Is sexual erotica associated with sexual deviance in adolescent males? International Journal of Law and Psychiatry, 14, 85-95.

————————————–

Male and female students and non students were shown videos for one hour each week for six weeks. Half of these subjects were shown pornography which was non violent and included common sexual practices. Half of the subjects were shown videos that had no pornography, no violence and were innocuous. Two weeks after they stopped seeing the videos they were all given an opportunity to watch videos in private. Those who saw the pornography were significantly more likely to pick harder core pornography which included sex with animals and sex that included violence. Those who had seen the innocuous videos were unlikely to pick the pornographic videos to watch. They were especially unlikely to pick the hardcore pornographic videos to watch.

Watching pornographic videos increases the interest in watching pornographic videos that are more hardcore and contain unusual and/or pathological sexual behaviors.

Zillmann, D. & Bryant, J. (1986). Shifting preferences in pornography consumption. Communication Research, 13, 4, 560-578.

————————————–

Almost two thirds (67%) of young adult males find pornography use acceptable while 49% of young adult females find it acceptable. More young adult males use pornography (87%) than young adult females (31%). While 31% of males use pornography never or less than once a month about 5% of males use pornography daily or almost daily. Young adult females use pornography infrequently; 69 % never use it, 21% use it less than once a month and only .2% use it daily or almost every day. For males, more pornography use is correlated with more sex partners, more alcohol use, more binge drinking, greater acceptance of sex outside of marriage for married individuals, greater acceptance of sex before marriage and less child centeredness during marriage.

Carroll, J. S., Padilla-Walker, L. M., Nelson, L. J., Olson, C. D., Barry, C. M., & Madsen, S. (2008). Generation XXX: Pornography acceptance and use among emerging adults. Journal of Adolescent Research, 23, 1, 6-30.

————————————–

Males who are involved with interpersonal violence in their relationships and who use pornography and go to strip clubs use more controlling behaviors with their partners. These males engage in more sexual abuse, stalking and marital rape than abusers who do not use pornography and go to strip clubs.

Simmons, C. A., Lehmann, P. & Collier-Tennison, S. (2008). Linking male use of the sex industry to controlling behaviors in violent relationships: An exploratory analysis. Violence Against Women, 14, 406-417.

————————————–

Forty percent of abused women indicated that their partner used violent pornography. Of those whose partners used pornography, 53% of the women indicated that they had been asked or forced to enact scenes that they had been shown. Forty percent of the abused women had been raped and of these, 73% stated that their partners had used pornography. Twenty-six percent of the women had been reminded of pornography during the abuse.

Cramer, E. & McFarlane, J. (1994). Pornography and abuse of women. Public Health Nursing, 11, 4, 268-272.

————————————–

The likelihood of sexual harassment is significantly correlated with volume of past exposure of sexually explicit materials.

Barak, A., Fisher, W.A., Belfry, S., & Lashambe, D. R. (1999). Sex, guys, and cyberspace: Effects of internet pornography and individual differences on men’s attitudes toward women. Journal of Psychological and Human Sexuality, 11, 63-92.

—–

There was an increase in attitudes supporting sexual violence following pornography exposure. Violent pornography increased these attitudes even more than non violent pornography.

Allen, M., Emmers, T. M., Gebhardt, L., & Giery, M. (1995). Pornography and rape myth acceptance. Journal of Communication, 45, 5-26.

————————————–

High pornography users were higher in rape myth acceptance, acceptance of violence against women, adversarial sex beliefs, reported likelihood of rape, reported likelihood of forced sex acts and sex callousness than low pornography users.

High pornography users who were shown nonviolent dehumanizing pornography showed higher scores in reported likelihood of rape, sex callousness and sexually aggressive behaviors than high pornography users who weren’t shown pornography.

Check. J. V. P., & Guloien, T. H. (1989). The effects of repeated exposure to sexually violent pornography, nonviolent dehumanizing pornography, and erotica. In D. Zillmann & J. Bryan (Eds.), Pornography: Recent research, interpretations, and policy considerations (pp. 159-184). Hillsdale, NJ: Erlbaum.

————————————–

Males who were high in hostile masculinity, sexual promiscuity and who used pornography frequently were significantly more likely to have physically and sexually aggressed (7.78) than males who were low in these factors (.4).

Malamuth, N., Addison, T. & Koss, M. (2000). Pornography and sexual aggression: Are there reliable effects and can we understand them? Annual Review of Sex Research, 11, 26-68.

————————————–

Adolescents exposed to sexually explicit websites (SEWs) were more likely to have multiple lifetime sexual partners, to have had more than one sexual partner in the last 3 months, to have used alcohol or other substances at last sexual encounter, and to have engaged in anal sex. Adolescents who visit SEWs display higher sexual permissiveness scores compared with those who have never been exposed, indicating a more permissive attitude.

Braun-Courville, D. & Rojas, M. (2009). Exposure to sexually explicit web sites and adolescent sexual attitudes and behaviors. Journal of Adolescent Health, 45, 156-162.

————————————–

Citation Information:

A Love That Doesn’t Last: Pornography Consumption and Weakened Commitment to  One’s Romantic Partner

Nathaniel M. Lambert, Sesen Negash, Tyler F. Stillman, Spencer B. Olmstead, and Frank D. Fincham

Journal of Social and Clinical Psychology 2012 31:4, 410-438

We examined whether the consumption of pornography affects romantic relationships, with the expectation that higher levels of pornography consumption would correspond to weakened commitment in young adult romantic relationships. Study 1 (n = 367) found that higher pornography consumption was related to lower commitment, and Study 2 (n = 34) replicated this finding using observational data. Study 3 (n = 20) participants were randomly assigned to either refrain from viewing pornography or to a self-control task. Those who continued using pornography reported lower levels of commitment than control participants. In Study 4 (n = 67), participants consuming higher levels of pornography flirted more with an extradyadic partner during an online chat. Study 5 (n = 240) found that pornography consumption was positively related to infidelity and this association was mediated by commitment. Overall, a consistent pattern of results was found using a variety of approaches including cross-sectional (Study 1), observational (Study 2), experimental (Study 3), and behavioral (Studies 4 and 5) data.

Read More:

http://guilfordjournals.com/doi/abs/10.1521/jscp.2012.31.4.410

————————————–

 

Does Viewing Explain Doing? Assessing the Association Between Sexually Explicit Materials Use and Sexual Behaviors in a Large Sample of Dutch Adolescents and Young Adults

Gert Martin Hald PhD1,*, Lisette Kuyper PhD2, Philippe C.G. Adam PhD3,4 andJohn B.F. de Wit PhD3,5

Article first published online: 26 APR 2013

DOI: 10.1111/jsm.12157 © 2013 International Society for Sexual Medicine

Issue The Journal of Sexual Medicine

The Journal of Sexual Medicine

Volume 10, Issue 12, pages 2986–2995, December 2013

Abstract

Introduction

Concerns have been voiced that the use of sexually explicit materials (SEMs) may adversely affect sexual behaviors, particularly in young people. Previous studies have
generally found significant associations between SEM consumption and the sexual  behaviors investigated. However, most of these studies have focused on sexual  behaviors related to sexually transmitted infections or sexual aggression and/or failed to adequately control for relevant covariates. Thus, research more thoroughly investigating the association between SEM consumption and a broader range of sexual behaviors is needed.

Aims

The study aims to investigate SEM consumption patterns of young people, and to assess the strength of the association between SEM consumption and a range of sexual behaviors, controlling for a comprehensive array of variables previously shown to affect these relationships.

Methods

Online cross-sectional survey study of 4,600 young people, 15–25 years of age, in The Netherlands was performed.

Main Outcomes Measures

The main outcome measures were self-reported SEM consumption and sexual practices.

Results

The study found that 88% of men and 45% of women had consumed SEM in the past 12 months. Using hierarchical multiple regression analyses to control for other factors, the association between SEM consumption and a variety of sexual behaviors was found to be significant, accounting for between 0.3% and 4% of the total explained variance in investigated sexual behaviors.

Conclusions

This study suggests that, when controlling for important other factors, SEM consumption influences sexual behaviors. The small to moderate associations that emerged between SEM consumption and sexual behavior after controlling for other variables suggest that SEM is just one factor among many that may influence youth sexual behaviors. These findings contribute novel information to the ongoing debates on the role of SEM consumption in sexual behaviors and risk, and provide appropriate guidance to policy makers and program developers concerned with sexual education and sexual health promotion for young people. Hald GM, Kuyper L, Adam PCG, and de Wit JBF. Does viewing explain doing? Assessing the association between sexually explicit materials use and sexual behaviors in a large sample of Dutch adolescents and young adults. J Sex Med 2013;10:2986–2995.

————————————–

Now for the articles:

 

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/i-can-relate/201403/it-doesn-t-hurt-look-does-it

“The Result: The people who eliminated or significantly reduced their viewing of pornographic material were significantly more committed to their relationships than those who continued to view the material. These results held true for both men and women.”

————————————–

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/sex-lies-trauma/201107/effects-porn-adolescent-boys

Between the ages of 12 and 20, the human brain undergoes a period of great neuroplasticity. The brain is in a malleable phase during which billions of new synaptic connections are made. This leaves us vulnerable to the influence of our surroundings and leads our brains to be “wired” around the experiences and information that we receive during that time period.

When an adolescent boy compulsively views pornography, his brain chemistry can become shaped around the attitudes and situations that he is watching. Sadly, pornography paints an unrealistic picture of sexuality and relationships that can create an expectation for real-life experiences that will never be fulfilled.

————————————–
Huge Amounts of Data:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/love-and-sex-in-the-digital-age/201401/is-male-porn-use-ruining-sex

It includes discussion of interest in real partners, erectile disfunction, etc.

————————————–

http://www.phillymag.com/articles/the-sorry-lives-and-confusing-times-of-today-s-young-men/?all=1

Something, it seems, is sucking the life out of guys quite literally. One-third of male college students say they’ve experienced erectile dysfunction. Leonard Sax, a family physician for nearly 20 years who authored the book Boys Adrift, saw more and more of them in his Maryland office, asking for Viagra and Cialis. Constant access to porn has desensitized them; they can’t get it up with live girls. “We’re seeing the replacement of penile sex with oral sex,” says Sax, “with the girl on her knees, servicing the boy. Boys and girls both end up losers.” One in five men ages 18 to 25 are now classified as “sub-fertile” because of low sperm count and quality, both of which have been dropping in the developed world for the past 50 years. Curiously, 50 years ago, around 64 percent of all college students were male.

————————————–

Porn Induced Erectile Dysfunction in Young Men:

http://yourhealth.asiaone.com/content/pornography-can-cause-erectile-dysfunction-young-men

More Interesting Articles:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/fixing-families/201212/porning-too-much

http://nsbnews.net/content/409829-sexual-dysfunction-escalating-price-abusing-porn

http://sydney.edu.au/news/84.html?newsstoryid=9176

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/therapy-matters/201205/does-porn-contribute-ed

http://yourbrainonporn.com/middleburry-college-physician-sees-rise-ed-blames-porn

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/repairing-relationships/201111/why-does-he-prefer-porn-over-me

————————————–

What Porn Does to Intimacy:

http://www.psychologytoday.com/blog/tech-support/201407/what-porn-does-intimacy


29 Comments

Is This Sexy?

In an internet discussion with a bunch of guys who think porn’s great, I shared a few of my “porn stories”, which you, my constant readers, have all read.  There are always all sorts of reasons/objections these guys use to explain why each story “isn’t my fault” or to find somewhere else to pass the buck of blame.

I decided to look for other stories of reality, so I went to the website of  former porn star Shelley Lubben and found some really sexy facts:

  • 66% of porn stars have Herpes, a non-curable disease.
  • Chlamydia and Gonorrhea among performers is 10x greater than that of LA County 20-24 year olds.
  • 70% of sexually transmitted infections in the porn industry occur in females.
  • 25 HIV cases among porn performers since 2004 reported by Adult Industry Medical Healthcare.
  • 20 suicides and 28 drug related deaths among performers that we know of since 2000.
  • Over 100 straight and gay performers died from AIDS.
  • The largest group viewing online pornography is ages 12 to 17.
  • More than 11 million teens regularly view porn online.
  • Worldwide pornography revenue in 2006 was $97.06 billion. Of that, approximately $13 billion was in the United States.
  • There are 4.2 million pornographic websites, 420 million pornographic web pages, and 68 million daily search engine requests.

She has links to references backing up those stats at the bottom of the page, and a few “happy happy joy joy” stories from porn stars some of you might recognize over on this page. Beautiful stories, no? Check them out:

“I did over 100 xxx hardcore movies where I was slapped, hit, choked and forced to to sex scenes I never agreed to.
As I did more and more scenes I abused prescription pills which were given to me anytime I wanted by several Doctors in the San Fernando Valley. I was given Vicodin, Xanax, Norcos, Prozac and Zoloft.” – Michelle Avanti

My first movie I was treated very rough by 3 guys. They pounded on me, gagged me with their penises, and tossed me around like I was a ball! I was sore, hurting and could barely walk. My insides burned and hurt so badly. I could barely pee and to try to have a bowel movement was out of the question. I was hurting so bad from the physical abuse from these 3 male porn stars! – Alexa Milano

“People in the porn industry are numb to real life and are like zombies walking around. The abuse that goes on in this industry is completely ridiculous. The way these young ladies are treated is totally sick and brainwashing. I left due to the trauma I experienced even though I was there only a short time.” – Jessie Jewels

“I had bodily fluids all over my face that had to stay on my face for ten minutes. The abuse and degradation was rough. I sweated and was in deep pain. On top of the horrifying experience, my whole body ached, and I was irritable the whole day. The director didn’t really care how I feltt; he only wanted to finish the video.” – Genevieve

“They told me if had my AIDS test that I’d be safe. I arrived on the set with my test and did a hardcore scene with two men. Within that week I was very sick with a fever of 104 and blisters all over my mouth, throat and private area. I looked like a monster. The doctor told me I had the non-curable disease Genital Herpes. I wanted to die.” – Roxy aka Shelley Lubben

“The truth is I let my lifestyle get the best of me. I hate life. I’m a mess. A disaster. I’ve attempted suicide many times.”
“No one cares about a dead porn star or stripper.” – Neesa

“Guys punching you in the face. You have semen from many guys all over your face, in your eyes. You get ripped. Your insides can come out of you. It’s never ending.” – Jersey Jaxin

“I found out 2 days later that I had caught gonorrhea in my first scene! As quick as that the glamour of being a porn star was gone. In the five years I was shooting I caught Gonorrhea and Chlamydia many times. Sometimes both at the same time about every 3-5 months.” – Nadia Styles

“As for myself, I ended up paying the price from working in the porn industry. In 2006, not even 9 months in, I caught a moderate form of dysplasia of the cervix(which is a form of HPV, a sexually transmitted disease) and later that day, I also found out I was pregnant. I had only 1 choice which was to abort the baby during my first month. It was extremely painful emotionally and physically. When it was all over, I cried my eyes out.”- Tamra Toryn

“My first scene was one of the worst experiences of my life. It was very scary. It was a very rough scene. My agent didn’t let me know ahead of time… I did it and I was crying and they didn’t stop. It was really violent. He was hitting me. It hurt. It scared me more than anything. They wouldn’t stop. They just kept rolling.”
“Drugs are huge. They’re using viagra. It’s unnatural. The girls will be on xanax and vicodin.” – Sierra Sinn

“I didn’t want to feel the pain of penetration from an over average sized man, being told to freeze in a position until the camera man was happy with his shots was very painful. I had peoples body fluids forced on my face or anywhere else the producer pleased and I had to accept it or else no pay. Sometimes you would get to a gig and the producer would change what the scene was supposed to be to something more intense and again if you didn’t like it, too bad, you did it or no pay.” – Elizabeth Rollings

“I went through more heartbreaks and became suicidal. I was taken to the hospital for panic attacks. I tried to overdose on xanax, strangle myself, and cut my wrists but not nearly deep enough. I was too scared of the pain. I prayed God would just take me away! I felt helpless. I even went to church for a few months but the guilt I felt was overwhelming that I would feel as if I were choking when I was at church. I had to choose and once again I chose to continue sinning. It was easier and I needed the money.” – Crissy Moran

“I hung out with a lot of people in the Adult industry, everybody from contract girls to gonzo actresses. Everybody has the same problems. Everybody is on drugs. It’s an empty lifestyle trying to fill up a void.”
“I became horribly addicted to heroin and crack. I overdosed at least 3 times, had tricks pull knives on me, have been beaten half to death- the only reason I am still here is God. – Becca Brat

“We should think about these issues right now, to change stuff around to make this a safer f**kin’ business. It isn’t a safe business, and I thought it was, and I would have not did that scene with no condom with Darren James if it would have crossed my mind that those tests weren’t good and that I couldn’t trust him or the people he’s been with. I thought porn people were the cleanest people in the world, is what I thought.” – Lara Roxx, diagnosed with HIV in April, 2004 along with four other porn stars.

How well does this match up to the sexually appealing picture trying to be portrayed on screen?  Witnessing these types of things in person is the biggest reason I can honestly say I’m not attracted to porn.


76 Comments

Dear @JohnCMayer – Re: Producing Porn

Dear Mr. Mayer,

Do you mind if I call you John?  I know we’ve never met, it’s just that you seem like the type who’d rather be called “John” than “Mr. Mayer”.  We’re not friends, but I really dig your music.  In fact, I listened to your latest album, Battle Studies, twice on my flight back to California from the East Coast yesterday.  Right now I’m listening to a “John Mayer” mix on iTunes while I write this at my favorite coffee shop.

John Mayer can be found on Twitter: @JohnCMayer

I read part of the interview you did with Playboy.  I’m not gonna say anything at all about the racial stuff – besides, you’ve recanted all that, and I respect you for doing so.  I’ll keep buying every album you release, as I’ve done in the past.  I hope what I write here actually helps you, John – and I think it’s very possible the words that follow can do just that.

I want to discuss the part where you said you’d like to produce pornography.  I know a bit about this:  I was a porn producer for 9 years.  In fact, Playboy was one of my clients.  I produced for their ICS department and also traveled the country for a bit as part of the team recruiting for Special Editions.  One of the girls I’ve photographed even made Miss February in the main magazine, and another of my first timers was featured as well, but I don’t remember which month anymore.  I could go ask, I suppose, as she owns a business less than two miles from where I sit right now.  But that really doesn’t matter.  You said in that same interview that you probably see 300 vaginas a day while looking at porn before satisfying yourself.  That being the case, you’ve undoubtedly run across my work at some point:  I released more than 2 million pornographic photographs and hours of video footage into the world during my career. Since porn’s such a strong interest, you may have seen the debate I participated in at Yale University with Ron Jeremy, Monique Alexander and Craig Gross when it aired on Nightline ABC (click the link and scroll down to where it says “Nightline Face-Off: America Addicted to Porn?“).

That brings me to what I wanted to share with you: What is it like to produce porn? You might notice from my website title that I’m now a Christian.  I have no idea how you feel about that, but just in case you don’t look favorably on such things I’ll try to keep the Jesus stuff out of this.  Let’s just have a conversation about what goes on behind the scenes in porn world.  With or without “Jesus Stuff”, I think I can share a few things with you that you’ve never before considered… and that’s my goal: to educate.  Who knows, you might even read something that will free up your time a bit.  Porn just might not seem so attractive if you finish reading this article.

John, don’t get me wrong… I definitely had some fun times producing porn.  The money was good, the freedom was great, most of the people I knew in the business were fun to party with, and even being the overweight opposite-of-eye-candy that I am, I slept with more than my share of models.  But, honestly, the naked girls part got old very quickly.  Sex related work does weird things to people, John.  I watched college girls come through my doors with bright eyes, then watched that light fade over the coming weeks.  It’s kinda like seeing someone die inside.  I dunno about you, but I didn’t find that very sexy.

I definitely want to share more on how porn affects the girls involved as actresses, but first, let’s remove some of the glamour of producing from a different angle.  I need to caution some of my readers that I’m about to copy and paste something I wrote on this blog back on March 5th, 2005, when I was still producing porn.  I’m not gonna censor the language I used , as I’m tempted to do in order to prevent my current audience from being offended.  This is a letter from me to you, John, so I’m just gonna say what I need to say by copying/pasting what I wrote back then:

When mentioning my profession to other males the response is almost always the same:

“Man, you have the perfect job!”

Or something similar. But the truth of the matter is that it’s a lot more work than you might think. And then there are the shitty assholes. By “shitty assholes” I’m being 100% literal.

On more than one occasion I’ve had a model come over for a shoot. I’ll start photographing her only to discover that her asshole is covered with shit . Seriously!

A specific example comes to mind: I noticed a smell in the room when photographing one particular model. I continued the shoot anyway. When I transferred the photos from my compact flash card (I shoot with digital SLRs: Nikon D1x, Fuji S2 Pro, Nikon D100) and looked at them on the computer I noticed that there was shit all over the model’s ass. I couldn’t fucking believe it! I don’t know why the hell a girl would come over to my house to pose naked and forget to clean her ass.

Which brings me to the subject of toilet paper…

Does anyone ever stop to think that moisture is usually necessary for proper cleaning? I mean, think about it… would you clean up oil with a dry towel? Why would you clean your ass with dry toilet paper? If you really want to be clean, invest in some flushable baby wipes! I have some sitting on the back of the toilet in every bathroom in my house.

That doesn’t sound very glamorous, does it John? But that’s not the part that I really want you to know about.  The biggest deterrent to producing porn is watching what happens in the lives of those who act in it.  I’ve shared my story with more than 4 million people now.  One of the things I’m often asked is whether or not I’m attracted to porn anymore.  I usually respond to that question with a few of my own.  You ready?  Here they are, John:

What’s attractive about a model curled up in the fetal position in a corner between takes, sucking her thumb because her mind is so blown by what she’s just done to herself?   Do the porn companies share, in the credits, a line similar to this one:  “this girl had to have surgery to repair the damage done to her body by the scene you just found so enticing”?   Of course not!  That’s just not sexy, is it John?  Nobody’d be spankin’ their monkey if stuff like that was thrown on screen, would they?

Lots of my former models are dreamin’ with broken hearts now, John. And the wakin’ up?  That’s the hardest part for sure… because every morning when she does wake up, the stuff she shot for me is still there, as it will be for life.  It isn’t ever, ever, ever going away.  When she’s old and grey, when she has grandkids running around the house, that content is still going to be out there circulating somewhere, John.

Don’t get me wrong… I’m ALL FOR free speech.  But just because we HAVE freedom to do something doesn’t mean that we HAVE TO DO IT or that it’s a GOOD IDEA to do so.

Funny thing, John… I just took off my Beats by Dr Dre headphones, through which I was listening to my John Mayer iTunes playlist, only to hear you playing over the radio here at the coffee shop.  We love your music, man.

Here on my website I’ve shared with my readers a few stories about some of the things these girls have gone through.  You can find them by scrolling through the porn stories category.  But be warned, my friend… they just might remove some of the fantasy of pornography and replace it with a little un-sexy reality.  I don’t know about you, but if I was looking at some photos or solo-video of the very attractive girl who wrote this email to me it might be a little bit harder to masturbate to those things knowing that, in her words, she is now “freakin suicidal!!! freakin sick over this….throwing up, cannot sleep at all…” It just doesn’t seem as sexy as it used to be when she tells me that (pasting her words again) “I know I did those pics and yes it was my fault, I want to get them OFF the internet. Is there anyway possible to do that ASAP? I will pay you the money back, whatever it takes. This will and is ruining my life.”

When I received a round of emails and phone calls from a beautiful girl who was begging me, in tears while sobbing so hard I could barely understand her, to get her content off the Internet as it had ruined the relationship she had with her father… that wasn’t a very lust-inducing experience either.  See, what happened in her case was this:  daddy was leaving his office with his buddies.  They were planning to go grab a beer together.  But when daddy and his buddies got to his car it was covered with photos of his daughter in various explicit poses.  Dad was rather humiliated, John.  He was instantly ashamed of his little girl.  When he shared this incident with her, she was rather ashamed herself.  I shot the photos that ended up on daddy’s car, and when I did so it didn’t cross my mind that she wasn’t someone to visualize while chokin’ the chicken – that she was actually somebody’s baby girl, somebody’s future wife, somebody’s sister… a beautiful person who was born to be loved, not lusted over by millions of men.

In the past three and a half years I’ve attempted to apologize to former models/actresses I recruited into the business.  When I tried to befriend one on myspace I received this email as her response:

“Hello Donny,

I’m sorry, but I can’t be your friend.  People found out about the pictures I did and I came really close to killing myself over it.  I need to forget about it and move on.  That does not mean I blame you or anything, but that does mean I have to cut ties involving it, and that does involve you.  You’re more than welcome to write me, etc… I just can’t have you on my friends list.  I’m very sorry and hope you understand.”

Let me tell you, John… I’d fantasized for months about that girl following the photo shoots I had with her way back in my early porn producing days.  She really got me going.  But hearing that she, too, almost killed herself over PICTURES?  Knowing that, a person would have to be rather emotionless to be able to still look at those photos and be aroused by them.

Are you picking up what I’m laying down, John?  Producing porn pretty much killed my sex drive DEAD, John.  Between me and you, I’m kind of afraid that when I’m finally married again I’ll be so screwed up in the head over what I’ve witnessed that my sex life with my wife will suffer.  I’ve spoken to counselors about that, actually.  I’ve seen how fake porn is, my friend, and after shooting it for so long I can’t seem to help associating anything sexual with it.  That shouldn’t be the case, John:  God created sex to be beautiful and fun, and He had reasons for asking us to confine it to committed relationships – I swear to you, He didn’t ask that of us in order to take our fun away or so He’d have a reason to send us to hell if we didn’t follow His plan.  It was more like this:  “I know how you’re wired.  Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t have other people in your head when you’re making love to your wife?  Wouldn’t it be better if you didn’t have to worry about who was in your her head when she’s with you?  You can do whatever you want, but I wish you’d trust me.  I really do want the best for you.”

The reality of what porn has done to real-life people isn’t pretty.  No amount of justification removes what I’ve seen.  It doesn’t matter how often people say things like, “they were adults making their own adult decisions” and “well, if our puritanical society didn’t make such a big deal out of sex this sort of thing wouldn’t happen!”  Those words are so shallow and meaningless after seeing so many lives personally affected.  There is a letter in the Bible where Paul writes to the people of Corinth that sexual things affected us on a deeper level than anything else.  John, I believe Paul on that one.  I have personal experience that gives evidence he’s right.  From my model Karma, who has a baby who will never know his father (because men decided to rape here while she was passed out at a party – after all, she’s a “porn star” so why not take what they want, right?) to the girl who called me in humiliated tears after going to her college campus one day only to find photos of herself stapled on trees all across campus, I have seen the fallout from sexual “sin”.  It makes me ashamed to be a man sometimes, John.  Indeed, the female body is a wonderland, my friend, and so many of us use our hands… and lose our heads and hearts… over it.

Trust me, John… you don’t want to produce porn.  You don’t want to be responsible for devastating lives.  And no matter how good your intentions might be, that’s exactly what you’d be doing.

DOWNLOAD THIS MP3: Donny Pauling speaking at Pocono Community Church in Pocono, Pennsylvania – Pastor David Crosby introduces me at the 12 minute mark.


32 Comments

If Porn’s a Problem In Your Married Life Read This

I’ve been fortunate enough to speak to more than 4 million people now.  I take it much more seriously today than I did when I first started in December 2006.  You see, back then it was all about “me”.   I was telling “my” story.  What God had done in “my” life.

But traveling and meeting you all has a way of changing things.  My perspective is much different today than it was then.  That’s part of the reason I don’t write as much as I used to write:  the more I learn, the more I realize I don’t really know all that much about – well – anything.  I’ve silenced myself for the most part because God has taken the ego down a notch or two and made it very clear that this ministry isn’t about me at all.  As cliche and “Christianese” as it sounds, my story is really God’s story.  What has happened in my life is literally an illustration that He can use ALL things for his good.

When a person has a purpose, when a person has a vision, when a person has a cause, well it’s just impossible to NOT be changed.  The Bible tells us that where there is no vision, God’s people perish.  I can tell you this:  the stories you all share with me strengthen me, teach me, make me see PURPOSE and give me a vision.  Thank you for reading.  Thank you for emailing me.  Thank you for shaking my hand after I’ve come down off that stage where I stood in front of you sharing my “God story”.  If you struggle with porn or are affected by someone who does, my prayer for you is that you, too, will catch a vision and see the purpose for your own life.  You might be struggling now, but once you’ve conquered this issue God is going to use you to help someone else do the same.  That’s a big responsibility.  Please choose to live up to it. And please, I beg you, continue praying that I will be given the strength to live up to MY responsibilities as well.

Lots of people email me.  Sometimes I have something to offer.  Many times I don’t.  I’m not a counselor, and am in no position to give advice for many cases.

It’s particularly hard for me to answer emails from women who are in pain due to a husband’s porn addiction.  I don’t know what to say most of the time, and I also feel so much guilt for contributing to that cycle.  When these emails come in, I’ll sometimes ask Wendy for feedback.  Wendy, as you know if you’ve been reading for any length of time, is the amazing wife God gave me, the mother of my son,  whose heart I ripped to shreds with my lies, cheating, and involvement in porn production.  After all I’ve done to her, especially because of all I’ve done to her, even though my choices have resulted in her no longer holding the title of “wife”, I’m honored to call her my friend.  A very good friend.

When a woman recently emailed me asking for help… well, I’ll just let you read Amy’s email to me, followed by Wendy’s response.  The first time I read Wendy’s letter in church it helped save a marriage.  I hope you find it useful, too.  But first, the plea for help from “Amy”:

Hello Donny,

I first want to say that I just found your blog yesterday and I sat and wept at my kitchen table as I began to read the entries, one at a time from start to finish. You have chosen such an amazing journey and I have NO doubt that God will continue to bless you and your family as he has already started to do.

I’m not really sure where to begin so I guess I will just start here…I found out a little over a year ago that my husband is addicted to pornography. It is so overwhelming for me as I am just starting to learn how deep and dark these wounds are for a man, his wife, and their marriage. I struggle everyday with the fear of what’s next.

I know my God protects me. I know who I am in his eyes. But as confident as I am in that…my husbands addiction is stripping away all that I am. I feel that I am alone in this fight because I have not really found anyone who understands or can guide and support me in the decisions and choices I need to make in order to cope with this reality.

I want to be the wife that I feel in my heart that God has called me to be…I just have no idea how right now. I have been touched by your entries about your ex wife Wendy and all that the two of you have been through. She seems like a woman who has been through it and come out in a stronger place because of it.

My question is this…does she have a blog or email that she makes public? Does she, in any way, support wives who are dealing with this issue? I am really just looking for any kind of support from women that I can get. I want to know there are strong women praying for my husband and I. I want to know there is someone I can turn to when the heart ache and sadness seem like the only things that are certain in my life.

If she has nothing like this, do you have any suggestions for a wife who needs support? It seems like the wives are a lost casualty in this war…there isn’t much out there for us that I have found so far. We are from the (location removed) area so maybe you know of some things that I don’t.

I appreciate all the help you can give.

Keep up the fight…you are truly a blessed and courageous man of God.

Thanks for your honesty.

It’s been more than 7 years since Wendy and I divorced, but I think you can see the emotions still present when you read her response, which I’m about to share with you.  Pay attention to capitalization, multiple question marks, and exclamation marks.  PLEASE note that Wendy realizes this probably isn’t what God would want her to say.  But her words brought a man to repentance before God after he heard me read this aloud.  He’d heard similar things from his wife, but said hearing it from someone else brought it home for him.  This letter has had an impact on many people.  I’ve had numerous requests for a copy of it to be emailed to them.  I decided to share it with all of you.

Here is Wendy’s reply:

Donny,

You don’t understand….It hurts SOOOO much just to read this letter….and all I feel like I could give her is to say run…run RUN! Run away, far away. It’s adultery in the most painful form. It’s ongoing because it’s not a “real” affair. So it’s like trying to work through a marriage one sided. While he’s having this continual affair, you’re trying to work through it…how is that fair?? Tell me….HOW IS THAT OKAY?

How can I try to give women tools to work through it? How can I tell them to try to rebuild something with someone who is not doing their part? It’s so one sided. All I would want to tell these women is to leave. And, that isn’t right, God needs to deal with each situation on an individual basis and they need to hear from Him what they’re supposed to do.

How can their marriage survive???? To me, it can’t. If he doesn’t quit it will tear them apart. How come this should be her burden is what I wonder? The very thing he’s stabbing her heart with and tearing their family apart with and their children or whomever, is the very thing she’s supposed to help him through? As “christians” is that what we are supposed to do? Stand by his side and be a faithful warrior on his behalf when he is so selfish he would sacrifice his wife and children for photographs and fantasy???

I truly don’t even know. I don’t get it….. i just don’t get it. Her statement “my husbands addiction is stripping away all that I am” and “it seems like wives are a lost casualty in this war” kill me. Because I know. For me, divorcing you and getting out of all of it, was freedom, I didn’t have to continue being torn apart. I could get strong and rebuild my life. When you’re in it, your heart is ripped to shreds over and over and over again, I don’t know how to counsel someone who is going through that.

I’m angry and I have no understanding for this level of selfishness. Who knows, maybe if wives left their husbands men would see reality. The reality of the fact that it’s an affair and their wives shouldn’t have to put up with the abuse just like they shouldn’t have to put up with it if he were physically abusing them. How is it different? Emotional wounds hurt more than physical ones. Let him have his porn because that is obviously what he wants and he can’t have both.

I just don’t have the answers at this point, read in the OT when Israel was unfaithful to God, read what He did and see if you get any insight.

Wendy

Ladies, if you’ve been hurt by your husband’s porn use, you’re not alone. Your hurt is NOT unique. Porn IS an affair.

Men, what are we doing to the women God’s given us to protect, love and cherish? HE has given us his daughters. Like any good daddy, He wants us to treat them right. Can we do so? Can we show that with our actions?

And those girls on that DVD or computer screen? Yeah, they’re God’s daughters too. Can we please start treating them like the Princesses they are?


4 Comments

“I Am One of Those People Who Lost My Marriage Because of Porn”

While in porn world, I became intimately acquainted with the destruction that befalls those within the industry itself. What was foreign to me, however, was the pain my product caused in families all across this country. While traveling these past few years… I’ve been educated.

There’s not a single place I’ve spoken where a handful of people don’t come up to me after service to let me know they’ve lost their marriage to porn. I know I shouldn’t be shocked at this, but I am… because it never really crossed my mind as a producer.

And just what is it that so many of us have given up our families for? Is it the fantasy of a girl curled up in a ball in a corner, sucking her thumb because her mind is so blown by the scene she just did that she doesn’t know how to handle it, and therefore retreats to fetal position? Is it the thought of surgeries that must be performed to repair damages done to the body of a girl who has had multiple partners on screen? Is it the thought of a girl who lost a formerly-great relationship with her father when he was confronted with images of his daughter in positions so stomach-turning that he couldn’t look at her the same way anymore? Or perhaps it’s the fantasy of the numerous lost careers these college girls have given up once it’s learned that they’ve been “porn actresses” before?  Or… (how long should I go on listing the realities of the business… I can continue if you’d like).

Do we consider that every one of those actresses is somebody’s little girl?

Those stories in that last paragraph… THAT is the reality of porn. So many of us have bought into the lie that the fantasy we see in the final edited product is not only real, but incredibly appealing. We like that lie so much we’re willing to give up priceless treasures, our families and relationships, to indulge in it for a few moments here and there.  I’ve heard story after story, and they’re all basically the same:  one spouse chooses porn over the other spouse, time after time, and their relationship crumbles. In a majority of cases, men are the ones who make this choice.  But as I travel and speak I’ve heard from several women who have also been caught up in some porn fantasy or another.

This past weekend I spoke three times in Arkansas, on the outskirts of Little Rock.  The people were fantastic… so warm and friendly.  So much fun to be around.  The countryside was beautiful.  The accents brought a smile to my face, which I tried to hide to be honest with you.  The stories and questions were the same I’ve heard all across this land:

“I Am One of Those People Who Lost My Marriage Because of Porn”

“What if a couple really enjoys watching porn together?”

“Doesn’t our economy need the billions porn generates right now?”

“Donny, there are videos of me out there doing ____ and I’m afraid someone I know will ultimately see them!”

“I’ve never considered some of the things you’ve brought up before.  This has really helped me.”

“I started watching porn with my friends when we were 10 years old.  That interest has grown to the point where I’ve now done ______ “.

“Dude, my life is changed after today.”

“My marriage is about to end in divorce, and it’s because of my addiction to porn.”

We weren’t out on the streets talking to random strangers.  We were inside a church building during normal weekend services.  This weekend wasn’t unusual:  every church in which I’ve spoken brings about similar conversations.  I’ve heard some crazy things, let me tell ya.

Within even the most conservative church walls I’ve listened to confessions from people who have done things you’d never expect to hear, even including things done to animals, and these admissions aren’t from “those people out there” but from “these people in here”.  Why is that?  Could it possibly be because, for so long, the church has refused to talk much about pornography?  Doesn’t the Bible mention something about how sins that are kept in secret will grow into something much bigger?

I’m sure most churches mention pornography in passing, spending a few seconds listing it along with several other sins.  “Whew!  We got that one out of the way!” after such a glaze-over just isn’t going to cut it in these times when porn is so popular.  Yesterday, as I walked to my connecting flight through the airport in Dallas, I saw two teenage boys walking side by side, openly looking through Hustler magazine without trying to hide it.  And why not?  Our families all watch porn together from home nowadays, don’t we? …right on network television, albeit most network shows have just enough clothing on the actors to satisfy whoever it is that does the ratings these days. Hey, if it’s okay with even mom and dad, why can’t I walk through the airport beside my buddy with a porn mag open?

I’m very encouraged when churches do the type of thing Mercy’s Cross in Arkansas did this past weekend:  an entire weekend dedicated to being real about the topic of pornography, followed up with the creation of new accountability groups to continue the discussion, offering real help to all congregants, even those who don’t (or won’t admit to) deal with this particular “sin” in their life.  Bringing real life issues to light is the only way to win the battle against such.  Thank you, Mercy’s Cross, you are an encouragement.

Encourage your own church to follow suit, please.  It’s vital to address this stuff, my friends. If it’s not confronted it’s going to eat your families alive, I guarantee it!

—–
In the spirit of “Confronting the Elephant”, Mercy’s Cross had a few of these cutouts sitting in the audience. I loved it!
The Elephant In The Pew


2 Comments

"I Am One of Those People Who Lost My Marriage Because of Porn"

While in porn world, I became intimately acquainted with the destruction that befalls those within the industry itself. What was foreign to me, however, was the pain my product caused in families all across this country. While traveling these past few years… I’ve been educated.

There’s not a single place I’ve spoken where a handful of people don’t come up to me after service to let me know they’ve lost their marriage to porn. I know I shouldn’t be shocked at this, but I am… because it never really crossed my mind as a producer.

And just what is it that so many of us have given up our families for? Is it the fantasy of a girl curled up in a ball in a corner, sucking her thumb because her mind is so blown by the scene she just did that she doesn’t know how to handle it, and therefore retreats to fetal position? Is it the thought of surgeries that must be performed to repair damages done to the body of a girl who has had multiple partners on screen? Is it the thought of a girl who lost a formerly-great relationship with her father when he was confronted with images of his daughter in positions so stomach-turning that he couldn’t look at her the same way anymore? Or perhaps it’s the fantasy of the numerous lost careers these college girls have given up once it’s learned that they’ve been “porn actresses” before?  Or… (how long should I go on listing the realities of the business… I can continue if you’d like).

Do we consider that every one of those actresses is somebody’s little girl?

Those stories in that last paragraph… THAT is the reality of porn. So many of us have bought into the lie that the fantasy we see in the final edited product is not only real, but incredibly appealing. We like that lie so much we’re willing to give up priceless treasures, our families and relationships, to indulge in it for a few moments here and there.  I’ve heard story after story, and they’re all basically the same:  one spouse chooses porn over the other spouse, time after time, and their relationship crumbles. In a majority of cases, men are the ones who make this choice.  But as I travel and speak I’ve heard from several women who have also been caught up in some porn fantasy or another.

This past weekend I spoke three times in Arkansas, on the outskirts of Little Rock.  The people were fantastic… so warm and friendly.  So much fun to be around.  The countryside was beautiful.  The accents brought a smile to my face, which I tried to hide to be honest with you.  The stories and questions were the same I’ve heard all across this land:

“I Am One of Those People Who Lost My Marriage Because of Porn”

“What if a couple really enjoys watching porn together?”

“Doesn’t our economy need the billions porn generates right now?”

“Donny, there are videos of me out there doing ____ and I’m afraid someone I know will ultimately see them!”

“I’ve never considered some of the things you’ve brought up before.  This has really helped me.”

“I started watching porn with my friends when we were 10 years old.  That interest has grown to the point where I’ve now done ______ “.

“Dude, my life is changed after today.”

“My marriage is about to end in divorce, and it’s because of my addiction to porn.”

We weren’t out on the streets talking to random strangers.  We were inside a church building during normal weekend services.  This weekend wasn’t unusual:  every church in which I’ve spoken brings about similar conversations.  I’ve heard some crazy things, let me tell ya.

Within even the most conservative church walls I’ve listened to confessions from people who have done things you’d never expect to hear, even including things done to animals, and these admissions aren’t from “those people out there” but from “these people in here”.  Why is that?  Could it possibly be because, for so long, the church has refused to talk much about pornography?  Doesn’t the Bible mention something about how sins that are kept in secret will grow into something much bigger?

I’m sure most churches mention pornography in passing, spending a few seconds listing it along with several other sins.  “Whew!  We got that one out of the way!” after such a glaze-over just isn’t going to cut it in these times when porn is so popular.  Yesterday, as I walked to my connecting flight through the airport in Dallas, I saw two teenage boys walking side by side, openly looking through Hustler magazine without trying to hide it.  And why not?  Our families all watch porn together from home nowadays, don’t we? …right on network television, albeit most network shows have just enough clothing on the actors to satisfy whoever it is that does the ratings these days. Hey, if it’s okay with even mom and dad, why can’t I walk through the airport beside my buddy with a porn mag open?

I’m very encouraged when churches do the type of thing Mercy’s Cross in Arkansas did this past weekend:  an entire weekend dedicated to being real about the topic of pornography, followed up with the creation of new accountability groups to continue the discussion, offering real help to all congregants, even those who don’t (or won’t admit to) deal with this particular “sin” in their life.  Bringing real life issues to light is the only way to win the battle against such.  Thank you, Mercy’s Cross, you are an encouragement.

Encourage your own church to follow suit, please.  It’s vital to address this stuff, my friends. If it’s not confronted it’s going to eat your families alive, I guarantee it!

—–
In the spirit of “Confronting the Elephant”, Mercy’s Cross had a few of these cutouts sitting in the audience. I loved it!
The Elephant In The Pew